Friday, November 14, 2014

Cat O' Nine Tails, Wendy's Chili and Pink Floyd ... The Dark Side Of The Mind

Today is the day I'm supposed to post my Ten Things Of Thankful for the week.

I haven't written a thing.

Some wonder if I ever do.

To those people I say, "Do you?"

This has been an extremely slow news week, as far as stupid people are concerned.  Oh, Putin's putting on a show by bringing his battleships to an international World Summit conference in Australia, but that's a minor thing for him.  Almost not worth mentioning.  

The U.S. Congress is experiencing growing pains after the past elections.  They've even had to call in a professional to measure all new members for their white hats and black hats that they'll be switching out from time to time as society's Hunger Games continue in the country's diminishing middle class households.  "Yee-Haw!!!"

And a Winter snowstorm has already hit the Central United States.  It was going to happen sooner or later, so big deal.  Just something else for the press to sensationalize about.

So, the question is, "What the Hell do I write about today???"

Damned if I know!

So, let's just ramble and see if something happens to take place.  If it does, fantastic.  If it doesn't, well, I can always just not join in this week.  But, then I would have to face the fury and wrath of Lizzi and her band of murdering page riders, and I might never see the light of day again.

Of course, I could leap away from them to another page.  "Ha!"  
Lizzi's Cat O' Nine Tails

But, being as tenacious as Lizzi is, I'm sure she'd find me, flay me with her cat 'o nine tails, soak my wounds in the saltiest brine she could locate, and tie me in the hot desert sun to be munched on by vultures seeking sustenance.  I'd watch them pluck away at my flesh until one would happen to discover the wondrous taste of my eyeballs.  And, with those being gone, I could no longer watch the feast, nor see Lizzi laughing with eternal delight in the background, wine glass in hand, and feet being massaged by all of her tribe, one at a time ... of course.

After all of that, she'd recall my spirit and with a binding spell, paste me to a keyboard with instructions to "... come up with something worth reading."

"Worth reading?" I'd reply. "Since when did I ever write something worth reading?"

Lizzi would then realize the truth of the words spoken, slowly turn around to her tribe and with her shoulders hung in defeat, take herself and all her followers to another page to destroy someone else in a similar non creative state.  I'd be left, pasted to a keyboard, alone in the vast emptiness of my page, wondering if I should start typing, or simply allow myself to pass on, becoming just another page that needed updating without anyone ever hitting the Enter button.

So, anyway, let's see if I can find anything worth being thankful for this week.

1)  Sports on TV.  Yes, I'm indeed thankful for sports on TV.  Now, I'm not a great sports fan that can recite stats and talk about all the different team players of the decades.  But, years ago I found that if I wanted to be left alone for the evening, all I'd have to do would be to turn on a college basketball or football game, and my wife would go into another room to watch her shows.  Having been an only child for the first 13 years of my life, this time alone meant the world to me.  

However, over the years, her interests have grown and now she'll sit right there and watch the games with me ... much to my dismay.  However, there are benefits to her being in the same room, especially when she gets up to get something to drink. Often, I con her into getting me something while she's up by saying something loving like, "Hey, bitch, while you're up bring me a Diet Coke."  It's amazing what a person will do simply to keep from arguing when the score is close and time short in the game!

2)   Nestle's Hot Cocoa Mix.  If you have any age on you, I'm sure you remember, 

Nestles makes the very best.  

This sugar free concoction is one of the few benefits that my workplace has to offer.  Savory sweet with 0 Calories from fat make this delicious powder from the envelope something to yearn for when over brewed coffee is the norm.  I often wish I could find a way to keep all of the powder mixed in the hot water, but alas, some of it finds its way to the bottom of the cup and creates a bog of muck so thick that the Hulk would get mired down if he attempted to trod through it.  I have to admit, the muck is good for catching pesky flies, though.

3)  Liberals.  Oh, those liberals.  I'm offended, we're offended, everyone is offended, don't say this, don't say that, politicians can be our saviors, we know what's right for your state, you have no idea what's right for our state, People are good, guns and cigarettes are bad.  Minority rules, says the Constitution, as we've never lived in a democracy ... only a republic, change the name of the Washington Redskins, Obama is God, lawyers are always right, God Bless Our America!   (You gotta love 'em!)

4)  Conservatives.  Oh, those conservatives.  I'm offended, we're offended, everyone is offended, don't say this, don't say that, politicians can be our saviors, we know what's right for our state, you have no idea what's right for your state, People are bad, guns and cigarettes are good.  Majority rules says the Constitution as we've never lived in a Communistic state but a democracy, never change the name of the Washington Redskins, all Republicans are God, lawyers are always wrong unless they're Republican lawyers, and God Bless Our America!   
(You gotta love 'em!)

5)  Common Sense.  Look at all the selfish liberal and conservative dumb asses fighting over crap that doesn't matter.  If everyone would mind their own business and learn how to tolerate others, we might just find a way to get along.  Compromise is the key as no one deserves to have anything their way and their way only.  We live in a country that provides more freedom than any other, but won't stay that way for long if we continue the course we're on.  The more that is restricted will soon restrict freedom from standing.

Big government is only there because we allow it, not because it's needed.  See through the smokescreens they lay and observe what is really going on in Washington, D.C. between the special interest groups filling the pockets of politicians, and the $10,000 a plate dinners.  Oh, the games the politicians play!  

If we started accepting personal accountability for the actions of ourselves and those in our care, we might just find that kids can't be raised by television and video games.  They need instruction, guidance, and quality time to properly mature.  We'd understand that only God is God and no one else comes close, if you believe in God in the first place.  And, "No", lawyers can't destroy religion.  They can only do their best to hide it when no one stands up and provides resistance.  

Get rid of the "I" in your life and start recognizing the power of the "We".  Otherwise, "I" will soon be no more when the governments and big business start herding us as cattle.  Remember, the goal is to first divide and then conquer.  Labeling yourself a liberal or conservative is only the first stage of your demise and their strength.  

But, of course, you'd have to have common sense to understand these thoughts.  

Wouldn't that be nice?
Like, you couldn't guess this was a
long sleeve t-shirt, could you?

6)  Long Sleeve T-Shirts.  A fantastic invention that should be a staple in every person's wardrobe.  Nothing like an extra layer of clothing to hold in the body heat when you're sitting in a cold middle class living room, eating your cold can of Pork & Beans, because mandated medical insurance rates and shrinking middle class wages cause you to be unable to pay your electric bill.  They'll also become standard apparel when your area becomes one of many District 13's, so named after the chapter of bankruptcy you're forced to file.  (Nothing like optimism for the weekend, is there?)
And, in case you couldn't
figure it out, this is a picture
of Wendy's chili!  

7)  Wendy's Chili.  I know that it's made out of greasy leftover hamburgers from the day before, and that it's added to existing chili all day instead of being made fresh.  Still, buck for buck, a small Wendy's Chili for $1.79 is one hell of a bargain in today's world, especially if you've got an allergy to white enriched flour. Devour two of these and you can enjoy that much desired evening alone later as no one will be able to stay in the same room with you without a clothespin on their nose!  Plus, if you wait a few hours, you can recognize another benefit it provides as you'll be saving big money on laxatives!  They should call it the 

"Wendy's Three In One Chili ... 
For the Menage a Trois In You!"

8)   Pink Floyd's "The Endless River".  For months I've awaited this CD.  It was stated that it was simply done from reworking outtakes from a previous CD, and adding vocals to only two of the 18 songs.  Still, my addiction to Pink Floyd and the acid strewn memories of things that happened in my life in the late 60's and early 70's while their "Dark Side Of The Moon" album was playing told me that excitement would be worthy of such a masterpiece. 

 "Ehhhh, it's okay."  Nice instrumentals, but overall, not something I'd get myself all hot and bothered about.  Seems like Pink Floyd is like all the other artists that have been around too long in that they've all been around too long.  Think I'll go and listen to "Dark Side Of The Moon" again.  

Anyone got an extra hit of acid?

9)  Gotham.  In case you haven't seen it, Gotham is a television show on Fox that precedes Batman's days as Batman in Gotham City.  No, Penguin isn't Danny DeVito in a fat man body suit, but rather a slender young man with aspirations of becoming the crime overlord.  Will Smith's wife has the same idea, while a young Inspector Gordan still believes that right is right and wrong is wrong, naive to say the least.  It definitely takes strong liberties with the Batman legend, but it's better than watching Dancing With The Stars week after week.  Besides, Barbara Gordan is HOT!!!

10.  The End.  Finally, I'm thankful that this post is coming to an end!  Damn, this one was a struggle without the week in news helping me out.  Hopefully, zombies will take over Philly, vampires will invade Baton Rouge, and common sense will overcome the vacancy of the minds in Washington, D.C., giving me a much easier post to write next week.  

So, until then,



  1. Ok I wasn't going to read any more blogs for the day but did it anyway have to say I like this post, I have not seen the show Gotham it looks more like something my daughter would like. I have a couple of long sleeve t shirt that I wear during the winter months

    1. Jo-Ann, so good of you to stay up and read this. It was something I put together fairly quickly as I kept hoping something newsworthy would make its appearance. I could've written about the comet landing or Kim's moon, but I figured asstrology didn't have much appeal ... especially Kim's. lol Glad you enjoyed this. Thanks so much

  2. Nothing like a good long sleeve t-shirt.
    The sludge in the bottom of a cup of hot cocoa keeps me from ever drinking hot cocoa.
    I used to think people needed common sense, but I have realized I would just like everyone to have MY sense. Life would be easier if everyone thought rationally like me. :)

    1. Hey Christine, good to see you again! I am in love with long sleeve t-shirts, as you can tell. I have found out that wearing them to bed is too much, though, as I wake up multiple times with them drenched with sweat when I have. Now, about common sense ... common sense tells me to never argue with a woman. So, the only way I can exhibit common sense is to say, "Greatly appreciated!" lol Many Thanks!

  3. What about Kim Kardashian's champagne ass trick. That was in the news alot this week.

    1. Val, Val ... how are you, my dear? I was going to say something about it, but the thought of her ass is something that just doesn't appeal to me. All I can say is that the ass that married that ass is indeed an ass, and just as huge. lol Seriously, when you have no talent, what else can you do to make money besides let your hubby pimp you out? At least the money stays in the household. Many thanks!

  4. Yes I was especially looking forward to your perspective on Kim Kardashians ass.

    Also i think I liked the whole what lizzie would do to you if you did not join this week almost better than the list. THe list which was so great to even include liberals and conservatives!

    1. CSMM (or, is it Erin?) - Really good to see you back! How about if I said the twin moons of Luke Skywalker's home planet couldn't compare in size to those that Kim presents? I could even get a little across the line and comment that every time Kanye decides it time for doggy style, NASA alerts all spacecraft that a lunar landing is about to take place? Or, I could even be philosophical and state, "When Kim sits down, foam cushions cry!" lol There are some things that are just too easy to make fun of, especially when the quantity is provided as we all witnessed.

      The "Lizzi" tale is what happens when I ramble. When I did comedy onstage, there were times I'd just start talking about a topic. If you ramble enough, and take things to the extreme, something funny is bound to come out. Either that or you're gonna get booed off stage. lol This was a fun one to write, although the list was a little difficult to create. Still, if you're gonna make fun of one group, the only way to keep people happy is to do the same with the opposition. Sad, but I was only speaking the truth about both. Am very happy you enjoyed. Many Thanks!

  5. Anything is better than watching "Dancing With The Stars" except watching any of the variations on "Housewives of who cares where they came from just make them go away."

    1. Hey Vanessa, thanks for stopping in! I couldn't agree more with you, but I'd have to add "...Honey Boo Boo, Duck Dynasty, and Hunting Bigfoot" to the list. There are so many reality shows that appeal to the zombie brains that one wonders who these viewers are ... if for no other reason than to stay far away from them. lol Many Thanks!

  6. *grins huge* well I LOVED your perspective on what I might do to you, and you can be rest assured that I never would (I don't think even *I* have the powers of persuasion necessary to inveigle my co-hosts to massage my feet - perhaps the 7GV...), I LOVE the idea, and will be sharing my reputation EVERYWHERE because of this.

    That said, I always find value in what you write, bro, because amongst the snark and the hilarity, there's a keen and frustrated mind which is quick to assess the ridiculousness the world throws, and to untangle it a little. LOVE your take on politics. Like seriously a lot. I laughed and then read them all out loud to Husby, and he laughed too :D you're GOOD.

    1. Hello my wondrous and fantastic Sis! Now, see what happens when I start rambling! My creative juices just go wild and who knows what words will appear on the screen. Beware though, I have sent out feathers to your co-hosts just in case you start requesting foot massages. If you're ticklish at all, you may be in deep, deep trouble. lol

      So, your husby has good taste in reading materials, too, huh? lol I don't know that I'm really frustrated. It's more like if I keep driving it in over and over again, maybe someone will awaken and say, "Wow, that does make sense. How stupid we've all been." It's only a dream of mine, but at least it beats the nightmares reality provides. Luv Ya!

    2. I kind of wish that we lived in a world with common sense and no need for politics. As life goes on I find myself rendered increasingly idealistic.

      still...what is life if not a bit of a trick, played on us, so we get to write about it?

      Also...little-known fact about me - I'm not ticklish :) so your feathers will be to no avail ;)

    3. Sis, after reading your comment, I feel the need to pull out a John Lennon CD and listen to "Imagine" again. To make a dream reality is the wish most of the sane have in mind. But, all we can do is continue the dream and pray others will catch hold.

      Hell, if you're not ticklish I'll just supply them all with a little tar. I'd hate to see the feathers go to waste! lol

      Many Thanks!

  7. The new Pink Floyd made me want to go listen to The Wall or something else too. Not nearly as great as I was hoping for...disappointing like Wendy's chili!

    1. Stephanie ... sweet, sweet Stephanie, it's so good of you to stop by! I've listened to the new PF twice now, which is usually one more time than I normally give borderline releases. It just seems like it's missing a storyline. It's like watching a silent movie ... you know what's happening, but it just doesn't feel complete.

      But now, don't you go dissing my Wendy's chili! You gotta remember, to a guy, there's nothing like beautiful boobs and something to clean out the tubes! Wendy's chili definitely performs the latter with ease. lol Many Thanks!

  8. hahaha love your take on politics. Quite true. Also? I know people who swear Wendy's chili is THE BEST.
    I've seen a few episodes of Gotham. It's not too shabby!

    1. Beth!!!! Man it's good to see you again! I miss you and your comments here as well as on FB.

      If you have yet to guess, I really hate politicians. They think they're so smart with their games and the way the play the public. If one pays attention, their act is so easy to see through ... and it's never for the benefit of the middle or lower class.

      Wendy's Chili is the bomb! lol Well, let's just say you feel like a bomb went through you the morning after. I'm still waiting for the FDA to approve a morning after pill after you partake of it.

      I'm a loyalist to the original Batman. There's so much rewriting of his origin and the surroundings that even though it's interesting, it's almost a sacrilege at times. But, it beats most other shows in suspense (even though it is starting to drag a little).

      Thanks again for stopping in! Greatly appreciated!

  9. Oooh! Do I get to be a murdering page rider?? Please? Of all the things in this post that I love and appreciate, and there are many, I have to say 'common sense' trumps them all. If only, my friend. If only. I've just recently discovered that beans, therefore chili, are not my friend. I'm very unhappy about it but now that you've described Wendy's chili in detail, I think I'll be okay. I did wander in here wondering if you'd bring up that ass thing but I think I'm glad you refrained. I'm a little tired of hearing about it really. You done good here, Rich, and now I must go see if I can talk to Lizzi and see if there's anyone we murdering page riders must be after!

    1. Sandy!!!!! OMG, you're not reading this Sunday morning as usual. I'm shocked! lol I'm being a smartass, as usual. I'm just glad to see you here week after week. It means a lot.

      Yes, you can hold claim to being a murdering page rider. Things like that come up when I ramble. Don't ask me where they come from. Sometimes I think my fingers have little itty bitty brains that go their own way. (They're probably smarter than the one I have in my head.)

      I knew the "Common Sense" segment would appeal to those with common sense. Amazing how many people probably passed over it. This post had a fairly good viewer total today, so I'd say at least half of those that didn't comment missed it, and half of the other were pissed off at the "Conservative/ Liberal" bits I place before it. lol

      No, as I've actually overstated in above comments, the "ass" thing was really just too easy to make fun of. It's kind of like when I hug my wife at night and I reach down and bend my knees so I can grab hers. Then I state, "Gee, I remember when I didn't have to bend my knees to grab that." Kim will be sorry when gravity's pull starts playing with hers. lol

      Many Thanks!

  10. Having friends and family from various political persuasions, I had to laugh at #3 and 4. Yep, you gotta love 'em!

    1. Hey Kristi, good to see you again! It never fails to amaze me how similar each are in that selfishness rules their opinions. Each are completely right in their own minds, and everyone else is totally wrong. If people would just learn how to tolerate and listen to others with open minds, the world would be so much of a better place in which to reside. Working together, the politicians could actually work for the good of the people instead of the good of the politicians and big business. It is funny to watch, yet so sad to view the current results. Many Thanks!