Friday, February 21, 2014

Ten Things Of Thankful: Fantasy, Miley Cyrus, The Pentagon and Donuts

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Have you ever just wanted to be creative?

I don't mean the typical "humorous / sarcastic" stuff that will follow here soon, but something really creative?

Say that you're driving down a street.  A street that you know well as you travel it everyday.  Suddenly, the donut shop you've stopped at a million times is no longer there.  (Neither are the twenty police cars you normally see!)  Instead, you're observing a Western scene.  One, in which, includes a couple of really rugged looking characters in 1870’s cowboy garb are giving you strange looks as you drive by.  You hear shots and notice the dust spots rising around you.  Time to get out of town!  

The further you drive, the wilder the landscape gets. In your mind, "Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My" repeats over and over.  You begin to hear more gunshots and immediately find yourself witnessing a historic battle.  The noble red man is putting one over on this long haired blonde guy (with pie on his face) and his troops at the top of a grassy hill.  An arrow crashes through one of the windows of your SUV (piercing your hazard light button) and you give it the gas to head out of danger, honking the horn and scaring horses and feathered riders alike.  You giggle as you see both defecating all over themselves!

Cresting the hill, you're suddenly finding yourself on a freeway filled with vehicles from the 1960's.  You're thinking, "Hey, this is pretty cool!  There must be an antique car show going on somewhere close."  That is, those are your thoughts until you see a billboard promoting Lady Bird Johnson's "Don't be a Litterbug" campaign.  

You stop to pick up a couple of kids dressed like hippies.  They start talking about a new band they just saw in California called the Grateful Dead.  New band?  Hell, didn't Jerry Garcia die a couple of years ago?  A cigarette lighter clicks in the backseat and suddenly the SUV is filled with the aroma of burning grass ... the illegal type (unless you're in Colorado or Washington).  You think, "Hell, it's been years ... why not?"

It's about that time you see flashing lights following you down the highway.  You turn to tell the hitchhikers to put out the joint and find no one there.  Even the smell is only a memory.  Somewhat confused, you pull over to the side of the road.

The lights, once in your rearview mirror, are now overhead.  You're completely engulfed in an ocean of colors rotating around you.  That's when you find yourself wishing you'd had more time to inhale more of the joint your hitchhikers had lit.  

The SUV is rising!  There is no shaking going on, only the steady hum of electric gyro engines above lifting you higher and higher into the air.  You open your window and look down to see the highway start to resemble a strand of spaghetti with tiny ants crawling upon it.  However, you're not afraid.  Even though heights have always caused you to cringe in dread, you're full of excitement an the desire to experience even more.

Shifting you attention above you, you see the bottom of an alien spaceship slowly opening.  "OMG, I'm not into anal probes" runs through your mind.  You see an alien looking at another and vehemently saying, "Damn it, can't you pick you the ones that enjoy probing?"  

"I can't help it if you always go to Kansas to pick up specimens" the other replies.

Suddenly, your direction is shifted downward.  Faster and faster you drop.  The Earth is getting larger and larger much too quickly.  You check your seatbelt to make sure it's tight, and then realize your butt is going to be the recipient of the major part of the impact!  Sadly, there's no airbag for that!  Luckily, you're a McDonald's freak and have built up sufficient padding for any type of landing!

You crash atop a shipping container aboard a ship in the Atlantic and burst through the roof.  Things go black for a moment as the walls against the sides of your SUV keep the sun from entering.  Almost immediately, the container door opens and you find yourself driving out into a shipping yard.  Longshoremen are screaming obscenities (You think they could scream anything else?) as you drive away, yelling something about needing your passport.  

You burst through the yard's gates with your SUV and begin to hear police sirens in the distance.  You take a right and find a donut shop that you've stopped at a million times, and all twenty police cars are there and accounted for.  So, you stop and get a dozen of glazed to take home.  

Finally, you pull into your garage, park your SUV, and pet your dog. At that point, you decide to carry the donuts inside the house before they get cold.

In the background, your dog mutters, "So, you don't like anal probes?"

No matter, you're thankful.  Thankful for having experienced the fantasy and for just being home.  So thankful, you sit down, boot up your computer, and begin a blog hop.  The hop is called, "Ten Things of Thankful."  And, it catches on quickly.  

Almost overnight, you're a superstar named Lizzi!  People come from near and far just to hear your accent.  They bring you fish 'n chips by the millions.  Not being selfish, you share them with all the hungry people of the world.  Now, you're a hero!  Not just a hero in your own country, but of the entire world.

Governments get together and elect you to rule the Earth.  You choose the beaches of Nassau as your government's headquarters.  Things go well until a hurricane comes and devastates the island.  Later, you find things aren't quite the same as people refuse to give back what you've given them.  Throwing your hands up, you settle on just keeping the blog hop going and praying that one day you'll once again be the ruler of the world.

And then, you wake up!

This week, I'm thankful for:

"Tickets for the Bangerz tour ... oops, wrong pic ...
Police were temporarily subdued by individuals
spraying them with deodorant ... an unknown
chemical to most of them!"
1)  Protesters in Kiev.   Having been restrained and being exceptionally tired of having more and more rights taken away from them, protesters in Kiev spoke loudly against the government of the Ukraine by standing up against police actions against them.  They have had water cannons used against them, various forms of gas and rubber bullets shot at them, and now, they're even standing up to the government's latest actions of using live sniper fire to eliminate them.  Their actions have our government backing them, not realizing that, one day soon, their protests may be educational films for Americans that are tired of individual freedoms and outrageous taxation for ridiculous pet projects, and wish to do the same type of protesting here on native soil!  ("It's only just begun" as the Carpenters would've sang!)

2)  Sbarro.  This restaurant chain is closing 155 of its locations.  As pizza is no longer the food of choice for teenagers, and mall hopping is no longer the local hangout for the "In" crowd, Sbarro has been suffering economic depression.  To most of us, this only brings one thought, "What the hell is Sbarro?"

3)  Captain Phillips.  The movie "Captain Phillips" (which starred Tom Hanks) is reaching hard to have a sequel.  Two Americans have just been found dead on the captain's ship, the Maersk Alabama.  The ship is still sailing the seas of Eastern Africa, as it did in the movie, and is in constant danger from pirates, as are most vessels in this area.  Hollywood is considering making a sequel called "Captain Phillips II", with Johnny Depp bringing back his role as Captain Jack Sparrow as the new man in charge.  (Aye, matey!)

4)  Powerball.  The 425 million dollar winning ticket was sold in Milpitas, California this week.  Milpitas is a small town just north of San Jose.  The winner will have the option of taking the cash payout of 242.2 million dollars.  The state of California is please that the winner is from there, and is awaiting the millions of dollars it will receive in taxes to pay for the new "Miley and Justin Go Home" billboards they've ordered.  

"Don't you like my cowgirl boots and bare butt ...
well, dontcha???"
5)  Miley Cyrus.  "Good morning, boys and girls.  Miley is not a child.  Miley's show is not for children.  Miley does many bad things during her show.  Things your parents did, and some still do, in their bedroom.  You shouldn't learn about these things from Miley.  You should learn about them like every other school kid learns about them ... by reading all the stuff written on the walls of the bathroom stalls.  That way, you'll know right from wrong!"

Yeah, Miley's at it again and thousands of parents that still envision Miley as Hannah Montana are upset.  Seems they dropped off their youngsters at her "Bangerz" concerts so the parents could have some privacy to screw around, and found their kids were learning about such things at the show.  (Will people ever use their common sense and stop being dumbasses?  The damn name of the concert should have been a warning ... geeeesh!!!!  Did you think it was like using hammers on Lego pieces or what?)  

And I'll take some Fried Rice with that!
6)  The Pentagon.  "Made in China?"   Yep, the United States purchases over $3.3 million dollars of American Flags each year ... from China!  That's right, our own flag is imported and sold to the United States Government, flown over capitols, state houses, courthouses, and even the Pentagon with a little tag on them that read, "Made In China."  Nothing like supporting your own country's manufacturers, is there?  

The Pentagon is now saying, "NO MORE."  Although trade agreements may allow the government to do this, the military is not accepting to fly any flag unless it's made in the United States.  (Isn't is strange that a military that fights for its country and supports the people and manufacturer's of its country are so forgotten by its country?)

7)  Wal-Mart Profits.   Wal-Mart reported a 21% drop in profits over the fourth quarter of 2013.  They blame it on food stamps expiration, stiff competition, and a payroll tax hike.  In addition, profits seem to be down in 2014 due to the same already mentioned, as well as bad weather.  (Welcome to the real world you money hungry bastards!)

8)  U.S. bombs own base.  A video has been released showing the United States accidentally dropped a 500 lb. bomb, meant for the Taliban, close to its own base.  The U.S. Air Force is calling the incident a "major mistake."  (No sh*t!!!  Turn off the Miley Cyrus concert videos and get the damn coordinates right next time!)

"And I'll Huff, And I'll Puff, And I'll Blow Your  ...
Wait A Minute ... Miley's using that line in her
Bangerz concert tour!"
9)  Luge.  Luge is considered to be the most dangerous sport at the Olympics.  Traveling at speeds around 90 mph atop a small sled with nothing around you is definitely a rush.  

However, walking the halls to go to the bathroom in Sochi just became the second most dangerous activity.  Seems the wolves, real wolves, tend to roam the hallways at night.  In a related story, this years group of athletes have taken up a new night time pass time.  It's called "Let's take a piss out the window!"

10)  The Olympics.  Hey, they're just about over!  Not as enjoyable this year as in year's past due to the lousy coverage provided by NBC that never let you know who the competitors were (since a name and country tag on the screen would have been too much work).  Now, we can get back to the really important viewing like The Voice, The Blacklist, and re-runs of Duck Dynasty.  (Lord help us all, please!)

*     *     *     *     *
So, that's it for another week.  Ten Things of Thankful has come to a close.  Time to get into the SUV and go back for more donuts!

Anal probe, anyone?



  1. My God, I wish I could crawl inside your brain for a day. You need to start writing time travel novels!

    1. Marsha - Thanks so much for visiting again! Just imagine, if you will, a bowl of Instant Quaker Oatmeal in which you put too much water. Now, add a Hershey's bar, two dips of Vanilla Ice Cream, and some sprinkles. Heat on medium temp in the microwave for three minutes, and pour over a Twinkie. That is what it would feel like to crawl around in my brain. I would suggest reducing your outer wear to a bare minimum if you were going to try it. Chocolate can stain! lol Seriously, thanks for the kind words. I just get tired of reality at times and love to let the imagination flow. Many Thanks!


    I really don't understand what's happening in Kiev, but I like their chicken.

    Sbarro isn't closing because teens no longer eat pizza (big fat lie) but because their food is bland and overpriced. Just a theory.

    If you don't have cable or satellite, your Olympic experience particularly sucked, as they put all the good stuff (like curling) on their cable networks. Boo! Hiss!

    1. Dyanne - Hello, my friend! Wow! You really are psychic, aren't you?

      So much has happened in Kiev the last 36 hours! Their president has been forced to step down and so much more. It's amazing what the power of the people can do when they show they aren't afraid of the government's tactics. We should seriously take example and learn.

      I've never eaten Sbarro food. I'll have to take your word for it. In my 50 years, I've only eaten at one Chinese Food spot and fresh pretzels at malls. I'm simply not a food court person.

      I've got Direct TV, so my ability to view the Olympics was there. I simply found the urge to do so absent. Perhaps I'm just fed up with all the ado over the United States athletes. I found myself rooting for them, but not to the point of ignoring the abilities of their competitors. I know that there are many countries that don't put the money into the machine as the U.S. does, and the machine is what brings back negative memories of the U.S.S.R. and all the bad things said about their not training fairly. I know things go full circle, but I think the circle has finally turned my stomach sour to an extent. C'est le Vie! :) Many Thanks!

  3. You mean...I was never a superstar in a flying SUV? Dangggg! Hate those 'and then you wake up' moments (except the anal probing - kinda glad to wake up and not have that be true, though I'd take the rest)

    I never thought about where flags come from. There should definitely be a rule about sourcing these things nationally though. Good grief!

    I think more people could take a leaf out of the protestors' book. Something, SOMEWHERE, somehow has to change. Soon.

    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand Miley? Really? *she says, eyeing the juxtaposition of the Miley ass and the Golden Sideboob Award*

    1. Lizzi - Ah, my old friend arrives! You are a superstar without the flying SUV! I wasn't sure of your thoughts about anal probing, so I took the high road ... deciding to forego the low road. lol

      I do believe that flags need to be made within the borders of one's country. It seems so fake to display something of honor when it doesn't even come from there. If the flag represents one's country, it simply needs to be made there. No question.

      I noticed much of the news coverage of the Kiev protests was quickly skimmed over by most American news stations. Perhaps we should all take note of that. Fear is what the government has used to control ever since 2001. Maybe, they're starting to feel a little of it themselves. I hope so!

      Miley? Well, she's much too Miley to really be taken seriously. She just happened to end up next to the Golden Sideboob Award, but then again, fate operates in strange manners. lol Many Thanks!

    2. to the probing :D

      I quite agree with your thoughts on flags. And I struggle with media coverage of pretty much anything partly because I only haphazardly come across news items on t'internet, and partly because I feel that whomsoever's 'selling' the news, has an angle in it.

      Many important news items get skimmed over, though. Too many.

      And if fate operates on your blog, today it outdid itself :D

  4. You possess a wonderful imagination, Richard. And I feel your pain about the flags; I believe China will soon dominate the industrial world

    1. Gary - Thank you so much for stopping in, again! I was an only child for most of my young years, my friend. My imagination was all I had, besides books and such, to keep me company. I started my writing back in the late 70's with a Science Fiction short story being published. It hooked me. These hops keep me going with the humor I try to present, but to create something different from scratch is the most fun for me. Your words are humbling, and much appreciated!

      China, yes, I agree. So many countries have sent their industries there that they've given away jobs and profits galore to a country that many had feared and hated for decades. Alas, China is now suffering for it as pollution and other ailments that accompany industry are now making themselves known. Many Thanks!

  5. THey just tossed the palace in kiev this morning... now if we could do that to Congress... I loved your fantasy trip... Im a bit dry of imagination and words this AM but you helped...thanks!

    1. Zoe - Appreciate seeing your sleepy eyes this morning! :) Just heard the president was forced to step down today, too! Perhaps things will be okay there. I do hope so. The better it becomes for them, the greater the example they set for the trodden folks around the world in all countries. They've proven that you can stand up to the ruling class and make progress. If only more would follow that example and tell them, "We're mad as hell and not going to take it anymore!" (An old line from "Network")

      Glad you enjoyed my fantasy journey! It was fun doing one of those again. I've always heard, "Life is what you make it!" Sooooooo, why the hell not? lol Many Thanks!

  6. Once again, I feel like you have updated me on all the current events I manage to miss each week. Though I had heard about the Miley Cyrus hubbub. I agree. What were those parents thinking????

    1. Jamie - Is really good to see you here! I kind of pick and choose, but this week was really hard to come up with anything. What we used to call a "slow news week" in the broadcast game.

      The Miley protests are such a joke! I think the primary problem is that people seriously don't think anymore! They let all the technology think for them, so often, that they're somewhat out of practice. Then, when they discover their mistakes, they're shifting their personal accountability from themselves to blaming others. How in the world did we ever let the world get so stupid?

      Many Thanks!

  7. So love your sarcasm! I take myself and my ten way too seriously most of the time!

    1. Phoebe - So nice of you to visit here! Thank you for your compliment. I think most take themselves too seriously most of the time. That's the way the world wants us to be. I have always rebelled against the norm to follow my own principles of believing a laugh is the best medicine for the worried world. If I can bring a smile for just a few seconds, I've relieved some of the tension, hopefully, making the world just a little bit better for a short time. It's been a lifelong goal. Many Thanks!

  8. That story is pretty amazing. The end, so sad. I initially thought of Marilyn Manson's take on natural disasters, they happen to make us start all over again and humble us, but in this case. It didn't need to happen.
    We definitely need to exercise our freedom to disagree with things more, at the very least. We should start with protesting foreign-made American flags, which should be an oxymoron, but isn't. I can't even believe all the things that come from China, including canned VEGETABLES. What? You can't support American farms, Green Giant? Sad.
    Miley makes me shake my head, but not nearly as much as the annoying parents. Hey parents, have a chat with Google about Michael Jackson or any of the thousands of other musicians that had less than "role model" behavior. Then Google "role model" and talk to someone about becoming one for your own children. Ask your doctor if not being an idiot is right for you.
    Great post. Smart, funny, informative. The whole package, as usual.

    1. Joy - How are you doing, my friend? Ah, not so sad. Smile! Lizzi is alive and well and running a beautiful hop. Besides, she now is free of having to have security surround her daily! lol

      I agree fully about the flags. It's an atrocity to purchase a symbol of national pride from a country that was our lifelong enemy only a few years ago. The United States government should be greatly ashamed of doing so.

      Parents simply want to blame others for their own mistakes. It's the way our society is presenting itself daily. Blame someone else and you're cleared of all errors in your life. The over abundance of lawyers in our society has created a monster, and a trait that is anything but common sense worthy.

      Once again, your words are only so kind. Many Thanks!

  9. Come watch the Olympics in Germany next time. Watching them in the U.S. drove me nuts, as if the program manager had ADHD, so annoying! Love your creative input, Rich.. Even though I think that there are many Kansans who may yell: "No anal probes", but think "please a little deeper".. Especially thinking about some Westboro Baptists :-) I'm also rooting for Lizzi for ruler of the world!! Go Lizzi!!!!

    1. Stephanie - Good to see you! I think the attitude of the broadcasters is what really set me against the viewing of the Olympics, for sure. There was almost a belittling of the competition as the air of superiority and false ego filled the airwaves here. Whereas in the past, personal stories of competitors from around the world filled the screen, this time, they egotistically concentrated on mostly the American athletes. It was kind of an "us against them" attitude, instead of "let's watch the best athletes in the world compete" attitude. Turned my stomach at times.

      The creative bit was fun writing. I love creating weird premises and such. I'd love to find a hop where I could do it more often and really go for the extremes. It's kind of a mental exercise for me. lol

      Please, don't get me started on the Westboro Baptists. I'm really surprised no one has taken them out as they travel along deserted interstates at times. I'd love to give them an opportunity to see if their views of Heaven were true or not ... prematurely, of course! :)

      Now, if Lizzi is ruler of the world, you realize I'm going to write myself into the job of vice ruler. I've always wanted a job of prominence in which I didn't have to do anything! lol Many Thanks!

  10. You, my friend, are a creative genius. Love the dream sequence! I always leave your post feeling so well informed. I am not nearly up to speed on the Kiev situation, I had no idea that American flags were being made in China (but why I'm surprised, I have no idea) and as for Miley....well, I have no idea what to say to that anymore. BUT we are still talking about her so..... I don't think I'll miss Sbarro's food but it has been a mall institution for a long, long time. I seem to remember the food used to be much better.
    A well done list, as always!

    1. Sandy - I'm really beginning to look forward to your comments each week, my new found friend! You feed my ego so well! lol Seriously, glad you enjoyed the fantasy portion. It was a lot of fun just letting go and free writing for a change.

      The Kiev and our flags ... well, we need to learn from both of these situations. We're being pushed around and controlled by government entirely too much these days. They are assuming more and more control and we're just sitting back letting them do as they wish. The politically correct have made it a sin to protest them, as they find stupid little things to concentrate on instead. ("OMG ... forget the government ... did you see Britney's now a redhead? That's terrible. Let me sit down and write a nasty comment about that!") Distractions are the way the government gets away with things, and the public is following their ques only too well. Never ate at Sbarro, and didn't have it on my list of things to do before I die, so it's no great loss to me. Most food is getting more and more bland as the steroids used in meats seem to get stronger and stronger. It almost makes one wonder how preserved we're all going to be once we're in the ground! lol Many Thanks!

  11. "Let's take a piss out the window!" Now that's a competition I'd like to see but only if they tell me who the competitors are. Seriously!! I love this atypical list of thankfuls. Your mind must be an interesting place to live. Thanks for giving me a little peek into it.

    1. Mandi - Thanks so much for visiting! Yeah, I'd like to see how they'd score that one ... Distance? .... Quantity? .... Arch? .... and, what would determine the differences in scoring for the men's and women's divisions? It would be one of the few sports they could hold at both the Summer and Winter Olympics, though. The real question would lie in the training regiment. Would there be arrests for exposure or urine assault on innocent bystanders? I think the IOC would go crazy on this one! lol

      Thanks for the compliment, but I think my mind is mostly a barren wasteland with a passing locomotive stopping occasionally to leave supplies. There's a bartender behind a wooden bar, drying shot glasses that have only accumulated dust from non usage. Once in a while, someone drops by to write "Wash Me" in the dust on the tables as they read the writing on the wall and choke on their whiskey. You're welcome to come by anytime for a drink ... just be careful to put your dust mask on first! :) Many Thanks!

  12. I agree that we should be able to find an at-home source to produce our flags.

    1. Kristi - Good to see you again! The least a home country can do is to make their own flags. To do anything else is simply hypocritical of any type of nationalism they try to promote. I agree! Many Thanks!

  13. Miley, OH Miley... There are no words for a girl trying SO hard not realizing she is artistically filling herself from a cesspool. I know when she danced on a pole atop a icecream hand cart at the Teen Awards, we were going downhill fast. Narcissism for 1 please?

    Sabarro, how is that place still in business? It boggles my mind.

    Flags, it seems the military tries to take this stand every few years. I hope this time it sticks.

    And I do think Lizzi could take over the world.

    1. Rebecca - Thanks so much for stopping in! Miley is the female Justin Bieber ... lost, tossed, and soon to be flossed. It's a shame they're so uncool trying to be cool. I've never eaten at Sbarro. Guess I need to spend more time in the food courts. I'm with you ... if Lizzi would take over the world, we'd all have great fish 'n chips! lol Many Thanks!