Thursday, October 24, 2013

FTSF: Gabriela, The Demon Cat, Returns With A Halloween Story!

Hello Darlings!  I'm Back!!!
I was sitting here trying to come up with a special memory as to today's theme for FTSF.  Oh, I could remember the time that I went out corning cars, but I think I've told that story before.  (If not, ask me about it and I'll try to post it before Halloween.)  

I really didn't do a whole lot of Trick or Treating when I was a kid.  For one thing, I lived in the farmland of Indiana, so houses weren't right next door to each other.  My Halloween Party usually consisted of a 30 minute classroom party at school right before having to get on the bus to ride home.  Of course, this meant wearing whatever costume you'd chosen for that year on the bus, which immediately targeted you for the bullies in the back of the bus.  Since that was the only time I'd be in the costume, it really wasn't a big deal if it got torn or soiled while fighting some of the thugs.  Besides, they were much cheaper back then, anyway.


"BORING!  Why don't you let me tell a story about one of my Halloweens?"

"Gabriela, you've already told me about your past lives in the "Demon Cat" series that I've made a part of this blog on the tabs above.  What more could you tell me?"


"You just might be surprised!  Before getting fat here, because you feed me too much ... and, "No", I'm not complaining, I used to be a sexy mama.  
I always had a date on Halloween!"

"What did you go dressed as ... a black cat?"


"Oh, aren't you the smart ass!  Keep it up and my claws might accidentally find your groin one night when you're sleeping in that damn computer chair!"

"Okay, Okay ... I'll ease up.  So, are you going to tell me a story or not?"


"Why don't you do your standard posting of the FTSF hosts and rules 
and then we can talk?"

So, here we go!  I guess I'm going to have a guest poster today for Finish The Sentence Friday ... my female feline of the furry faction of ferocious facetiousness, Gabriela.  As she requested, let me first post the rules and the listing of the gracious hostesses with the mostesses:



In case you're just stopping in, today's theme is:   "One Halloween, I ... "

And, if you skimmed the first part of this in order to write a quick comment and didn't catch the conversation that took place, Gabriela is returning to the writing world with one of her stories.  So, I'm stepping away and giving the keyboard up to her.  (I know it's dangerous, but what the hell ... it's her reputation, not mine!)


So, I now give you Gabriela!


My Favorite!!
I Love This Stuff!
"Hi y'all!  I'm back.  Geesh, I never thought I'd get a chance to talk to y'all again.  Between Rich being selfish with the computer, his Internet provider being totally incompetent, and my past posts running off some of his conservative readers, he's been going through it!  Sometimes, I even wonder if he still loves me as Faletame seems to get most of his attention!  He does feed me well, though.  A lot better than his wife, Millie.  He always buys Little Friskies for me, which is definitely my favorite.  Millie bought some crap last week that ... well, let me just say I've tasted better kitty litter while cleaning myself!"

"Anyway, it's Halloween story time again.  This is going to be a short one since I don't have much space left.  So, here we go!"

"One of my previous lives owners had this boyfriend that I just couldn't stand.  You know the type, ladies, a real ass!  I swear, he
Don't They Make These
For Cats???
'd bring other girls into the apartment while my owner was away, for one.  And, other times, he'd go to the window and watch the teenage neighbor girl sunbathe in her little bikini. And, you wouldn't believe what he'd do while watching her!  Well, I'm too much of a lady to say, but you know!


He would even smoke that green stuff in those plastic baggies, and upon occasion, would hold me, blow smoke in my face, and laugh when I stumbled off!  Oh, I'd try to pull away, but he'd hold on tight.  What's a girl to do?  I had to breathe!  

Problem was, he'd never get me any food when the munchies set in!  Oh, he'd grab a bag of Ruffles or Fritos for himself, but never got me a thing!  What a selfish bastard!  A girl needs to eat, too!  And, please don't tell me he was helping me to keep my gorgeous figure.  I had my own ways of working it off, especially after I had my tubes tied!"

"Well, this kept up for months.  Drove me crazy, it did.  I just couldn't understand why my owner kept him around.  In fact, the only way I kept my sanity was knowing that I'd get back at him one day in my own special way.  Halloween provided just that opportunity!"


Okay, Okay, so maybe this stuff
wasn't that bad ... but I gotta eat, too!
"My owner was at work, as usual, and he was at home, as usual.  After smoking a couple of those funny smelling cigarettes, he actually stood up and went into the kitchen.  I was surprised, not only that he was standing up instead of lying back in his chair as was his standard habit, but that he didn't immediately come back out of there with a bag of munchies of some sort.  So, I strolled in there to see what he was up to."



Adding my own ingredients
always makes my treats
very special, indeed!


"Would you believe he had this big bag of green stuff, a box of brownie mix, some walnuts, a stick of butter, and an egg out on the counter?  Damn, that was more work than I'd ever seen him do!  Then he picked up the brownie mix, read the back of the box, opened it up, and poured it into a bowl.  Well, the urge to relieve himself must have hit as he stopped  and quickly went to his own kitty litter room.  As I heard the groaning start, a thought suddenly hit me.  Now, it was my chance to get even!"

"You may not like this, but remember, I've always had a little demon in me.  I jumped up on the counter, pawed the brownie mix to one side of the bowl, turned and squated, and let loose with a monster clunker of my own Little Friskies making! When done, I carefully covered up my treat with the brownie mix.  I jumped back down, ran to the living room, took my regular place on the top of the couch, and tried to look normal. (as if I could ever look normal being the gorgeous creature I am!)"


If You Dig Real Deep, You Just Might Find
My Magic Little Friskies Treasure!
"A couple of seconds later, here he stumbles to the kitchen.  He picks up the box and reads it again. (You know, short term memory problems!) Well, he finally sets it down, cracks open the egg and adds the bag of green stuff, the walnuts,  water, and butter.  Then, after smoking another one of those special cigarettes, he mixed up everything while he watched the neighbor girl and friends chat."

"I guess everything mixed up perfectly as he didn't notice anything special while pouring the mixture in the pan.  Into the oven it went.  After about twenty minutes, he took it out, let it cool a few minutes, cut it up into squares, and dug in!"  
Hmmm ... what do you mean they
seem to have a different taste this time?

"I think he first noticed a different taste, but was so stoned he ignored it and grabbed a second one ... and a third ... and kept going until he'd eaten over half of them.  I had to hide my face in my paws to keep him from seeing me laugh!"

"About that time, my owner got home.  Well, Mr. I'm-So-Wonderful-I-Amaze-Myself told her to grab one.  Now, I loved my owner and didn't want her to eat my crap, so I rushed to her and jumped in her lap as she picked one up.  She held it as she pet me, giving it's residual smell a chance to enter her nostrils.  I must say, my owner smiled at me, then looked over at her boyfriend, then looked back at me and smiled again, and set the brownie back on the plate.  And "Yes", by the end of the night, her boyfriend had eaten them all by himself!"

"So, one Halloween, I tricked my owner's boyfriend, and treated my owner to sharing a major laugh with me!  It didn't get much better than that!  Well, except to see him leave for good later in the evening.  Yep, the neighbor girl's mom had been watching as he'd been doing his thing while watching her daughter.  She'd come over, confronted him, and threatened to call the police on him!  My owner had told him to get out, and he left mad, especially when my owner wouldn't kiss him one last time!   I think she said something about how funny his burps were smelling, or something like that!"

"After that, my owner had one of her friends move in to help with the rent, but that's another story.  You might just find it in my "Demon Cat" pages in the title bar if you're interested.  Just remember, I haven't always been as lovable as I am now!"

"I hope that was gentle enough for you.  I really don't want to run off any more of Rich's readers.  Lord knows, he's lost enough on his own.  If you come back, or even just comment today, maybe he'll let me come back and guest post again!  Till then, keep smiling ... and remember, never leave unmixed brownies in the bowl when you go to the bathroom!  Now, what did I do with Faletame?"
Gabriela!!!
Get Me Outta This Litter Box!!!!

26 comments:

  1. I love Gabriela and about damn time you let her guest post here again. she really did give it to her owner's boyfriend and give her tons of credit for that. Seriously, Rich so happy to have you linking up and wish you a Happy almost Halloween now!! :)

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    1. Janine - Good to see you! Gabriela also says, "Hi!" Her previous lives are crazy. She always comes up with something different, just when you think you've heard it all. Sometimes I wonder if it all took place, but I don't dare question her! :) I hope you and your family have a very safe, but fantastic Halloween! Many Thanks!

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  2. Poop + drugs = just another Rich post. :)
    I was gagging reading this. Gagging! That is so nasty. Remind me to never do anything to annoy Gabriela, or you for that matter.

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    1. Christine - Gee, am I forming a pattern? lol You'll have to blame Gabriela for this one. She's definitely the guilty party here. And, I agree, it was one of her grosser stories. I would never be as vindictive as she is, but it is good to stay on our good sides! lol Many Thanks!

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  3. Laughing my ass off. Serves you right for leaving her alone and I'm SO GLAD that little bitch of a feline is back. Shitting in your brownies while you shit on her buzz! HAAHHA LOVE this. Always love. BTW, so glad you're back with the host internet weirdo bullshit.

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    1. Kristi, my sister from another mother. I think you missed some of the story here. This was one of Gabriela's previous owners. Glad you enjoyed, though. Many Thanks!

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    2. I thought you were still talking about you! It was the smoking the green stuff... The part about the guy smoking the green stuff made me think she was talking about you even though she was referring to a different life. Not that I was smoking the green stuff. Ok anyway. ha. I'm an idiot. ;)

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    3. Kristi, Me thinkest thou hast been smokineth the greeneth stuffeth! You're definitely not an idiot (well, okay, a court jester, maybe) so I lean towards believing you're once again trying to do too much too fast. You gotta slow down, cause you move too fast. You gotta make the morning last. Steppin' down on the cobblestones. Give it a rest, and start feelin' groovy! Love ya, sis!!! :)

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  4. LOL - VERY entertaining. I didn't skim a bit. Note to self: Do not eat the brownies that a cat owner made, if he/she has a jerk for a significant other.

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    1. Kenya - Really good to see you again! I would never accuse you of skimming in the least! Glad you enjoyed Gabriela's little tale. One never knows what she'll write about, so it's kind of like flipping a coin. I think she was holding back this time, which makes me worry about the next! Many Thanks!

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  5. Wow. I'm wondering did that happen? Couldn't have. I do remember hearing my aunt wanted to get back at her brother and made him brownies with a diuretic in the mix. That was pretty icky too.

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    1. Jamie - Good to see you! One never knows about Gabriela's stories. She had a really bad time with owners for many of her past lives (she tells us that in the "Gabriela: the Demon Cat" pages on the title bar). Still, I wouldn't put anything past her! I believe your aunt. I think it was pretty standard practice decades ago. Ex-lax was the culprit most of the time as it supposedly tasted and looked like chocolate. I don't even know if it's still out there. I know there was another one named Correctall that came in pill form that took much of the market away. God, now I'm sounding like I'm a damn laxative specialist!!! lol Many Thanks!

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  6. Eewww. Funny, but eeewww. Another reason to have a dog instead of a cat :)

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    1. Dana - So good of you to stop in! Now, now, let's not get into the dog/ cat battle! What's that Gabriela? Okay, I'll ask her. Gabriela wants to know if you've ever seen a dog get down and sniff his, and any other dog's defecation piles while you were walking him. She also wants to know if you've ever seen your dog sniff the butts of other dogs. Oh, and she wants to know if your dog ever puts his snout in your face and licks you? Now, still like dogs? lol Many Thanks!

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  7. Naughty Gabriela! Serves him right though! Reminds me of another cat / food-related even from when I was a kid. A friend's mom was going off on a tangent about the cat getting into the meatloaf she was planning to cook for dinner. Sadly, when I looked at what was to have been our dinner that evening, I noticed the suspicious corduroy pattern and realized that she was so hammered, she jumped up to sit on the counter while talking on the phone and hadn't realized that she sat in it herself!!

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    1. Chris - How nice of you to visit! Gabriela just coined the famous Mae West phrase in response to your "Naught Gabriela" comment ... "When I'm good, I'm good, but when I'm bad, I'm even better!" lol Loved the meatloaf story! Just wondering if the meatloaf residual still allowed the corduroys to make that roaring sound every time she walked and the legs rubbed together? Many Thanks!

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  8. ah the 60's!

    keep your cautionary tails about driving a carload of friends off the top level of the parking garage or the decreased reaction time caused by illicit vegetables and such, or the well considered choices we made back in the day, including (but not limited to): Grand Funk Railroad, black lights, incense as a way to prevent parents from thinking we were using drugs and/or drinking anything that had the word 'everclear' in it!

    loved it

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    1. Clark - This one was all Gabriela. Personally, after seeing how she eats these days, I can understand her anger at not being provided munchies after being subjected to that evil smoke. (cough, cough) She's had many tough lives though. (Hint: catch them above in her special pages) Btw, I saw Grand Funk Railroad again in 2004 on a reunion tour (well, all the members but Mark Farner). They were absolutely fantastic! I think I appreciate their music more today than I did way back then. I still use incense in the house as it helps my wife forget that I'm a heavy in the house smoker. And, yes, I do miss my four foot long black light and my weird posters. If I'd win a lotto, I might return to those days. They were much simpler, and a lot more fun than dealing with today's B.S. Many Thanks!

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  9. I had a feeling cats did stuff like that. The way they look at people, like they know too much. Serves him right, not sharing munchies. Thanks for the much-needed laugh!

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    1. Joy - You know it!!! Cats are so cool at times. You know they're planning something that's gonna getcha in one way or another! lol Gabriela's getting so fat on Little Friskies, though, that she can't jump on the counter anymore! She thinks it's love, but it's really a plan to keep her from doing anything like that to me! :) Glad you enjoyed! Many Thanks!

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  10. Dearest Gabriela

    You're such a bad-ass, but I do like your style. Just be nice to Rich, remember, he's working 100 hours a week to keep you in Friskies treats, and I daresay that now he's learned of your nefarious ways, he's not above finding a prank or so to remind you that in spite of your 'kept' status, he's the one working hard to do the keeping, and you should be at least a little bit grateful.

    That said, the way you dealt with the douchebag was BEYOND genius.

    So, uh, what do cats think when they're on green stuff? Cos I once heard of a dog who fell asleep for a week, but cats do that anyway, don't they?

    And be nice to Faletame :p

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    1. Lizzi - Gabriela here! How are you my funny talking friend? Girl, you just got to get out more and communicate with people and get rid of that accent! :) Oh, girl, don't you know, a girl's gotta do whatta girl's gotta do! That SOB never did feed me anything worth eating. Rich always finds something good to chow down on. He gives me more attention than any of my previous owners did in any of my past lives. So, as long as he continues his "winning" ways, he's safe. Now, what do cats do when on the green stuff? Why that's easy ... we listen to cool music! I love Bob Seger's "Katmandu." And, honey, The Stray Cats were one of my favorite bands. I used to shake my ass to "Stray Cat Strut" all the time. If I did that now, I'd probably cause a tidal wave that would move the British Isles all the way to Germany! Sounds like that dog you heard about wanted to be a cat deep inside. Why else would he have gone into a "cat"atonic state? lol BE NICE TO FALETAME??!?!? You gotta be kidding! Why he's the world's biggest kiss ass. He's always going up to Rich and begging for attention. Sometimes, I just have to put him in his place ... deep in the litter box. If he's not careful, I might squat on him while he's there! Gotta go now before Rich catches me. Bye Bye, or as you say it, "Toodles!" (Whatever the Hell that means?)

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  11. I love Gabriela, she is all cat! I can imagine any one of my previous cats being just as brilliantly sneaky. Bravo! You are lucky to have such a brilliant mind on your team Rich!

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    1. Jen - Hello, dear! I haven't met you before! I hear you're one of Rich's new friends. Well any friend of Rich's can buy me some Little Friskies any day of the week! :) Darling, I'm not only all cat, I'm all woman! I've been around more Tom's than you've been around Deadheads! (Although we both probably did much of the same things with them, lol) Sneaky? Little old me? Jen, you know it girl! That's what being a woman's all about. Do what you gotta do to make them think what they're doing is their idea, and get what you want out of them! And, if you can't get it that way, well, we can all be bitches if we want to! Thanks for all your compliments! I like reading your stuff, too! (When Rich moves his ass out from in front of the computer so I can see it, that is!) Bye Bye!

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  12. You're awesome, Gabriela, and why would ANY conservative readers want to leave Rich's blog after your posts is completely beyond me. Also, I will never look at Betty Crocker's the same way. Also also, your current owner's a keeper. I know you know.

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    1. Katia - Oh darling, Gabriela here! I just love your name! (or, at least the first three letters of it!) Some people think I go a little far at times. Well, I do! lol That's what makes me such a special and innocent kitty. Demon Cat indeed. That's a title Rich gave me when I bit his arm off last year. I swear, I didn't eat that much of it and it's only a couple of inches shorter than it was before they sewed it back on! Let me know when some man does you wrong. I'll give you a recipe that Little Debbie's don't know about to get even with him! :) Rich ... a keeper??? Honey, if he didn't feed me so well, I'd be gone in a second. All that second hand smoke of his. I'll bet his lungs look the same color as my fur! You come back and see me, girl. Bye Bye!

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