Friday, June 21, 2013

FTSF: Ray Guns, Flying Waterbeds & Tanya Roberts


It's 10:25 p.m.!



I haven't written a thing for FTSF.

I'm either going to have to come up with something decent to write about in the next few minutes, or quietly bow out of the blog hop this week.


How does one 
loudly bow out?  

"Hey everyone, I'm going to stay out of circulation this week!  Just wanted all of you to know it!  Why?  Because I'm so damn wonderful, I know all of you will miss me if I'm not here!  So, here I go ... I'm bowing out now!"


That's not really bowing out.
It's more like ego announcing withdrawal symptoms! 

It's like an actor turning down a role in a movie.  You usually don't find out about it unless the movie turns out to be a huge success.  Then, all of a sudden, the actor goes on every talk show available to tell of how he made a mistake in not taking the role offered.  So, in essence, he becomes a part of the movie's success by hanging on its coat tail.

Obviously, I'm not going to bow out.  I'm probably going to continue to type with hopes of something miraculous occurring.


I need a movie role!


In My Waterbed Jet, I Could Save The World!!!!
I can see myself in the lead of a major blockbuster.  I'm the old, experienced coot that knows right from wrong and how to do what the young whippersnappers (I love that word, lol) only wish they could.  I'm flying around the world in my specialized waterbed, surrounded by a climate controlled force field, shooting out rays that will change the attitudes of greed, revenge, hatred, and stupidity.  Politicians are trying to hide, yet, sticking their heads up their butts still leaves them completely exposed (more so than one would like to visualize).  

I'm soaring at speeds that allow me to cover the entire face of the Earth in a matter of days.  Missiles are aimed and shot at me by the North Koreans, but expectantly fall into the ocean as they miss their target.  Suicide bombers are awaiting me on every television transmitting tower, but only succeed in blowing up the signal that provides Honey Boo Boo and South Beach Towing re-runs.  Rap music becomes extinct as suddenly as there is no more violence, bitches, or whores to rap about.  The land is quiet as car stereos lose their need for 78 inch woofers and 15,000 watt systems.

But, this doesn't come without a price.  The result of being in close proximity to the rays has a damaging affect on me.  The world, recognizing what has been achieved, demands scientists spend every waking moment finding a cure to my ailment.  My time is short.

Yet, I have never stood in front of the ray, so I am not as the rest of the human race.  I still can feel the hatred, anger, revenge, and greed that exists no where else.  I have decisions to make.  Should I use my remaining time on Earth to amass tremendous power and fortune from those too naive to see what I could accomplish?  Or, as many would hope, will I allow myself to die in my flying waterbed honorably as an example for the human race to follow?

No, damn it, I haven't come up with the ending yet!   

Anyway, this is another Finish The Sentence Friday.  Yep, here's the expected JPEG.


Oh, and this week, Katia from I Am The Milk is also co-hosting.  
(Okay, the basics are all covered.)


Today's prompt is:


"If I could have dinner with anyone in history 
it would be with...."

Now, most of you are probably betting I'd say God.  However, after last week's posting about God Taking A Dump, I'm gonna lay off the big guy for a while.  His (or her, Cyndi) sense of humor probably has limits, and to be blunt, I don't need another week of bad luck like I've experienced this week.  

So, since it wasn't specified that this be singular, I'm going to say, 

"If I could have dinner with anyone in history 
it would be Mel Brooks, Woody Allen, 
Carol Burnette, Gene Wilder, Tim Conway, Johnny Carson, Bobby Knight 
and Tanya Roberts 
(for eye candy ... I'm old but I'm not dead)."

Six masters of comedy, one master of motivation, and one beautiful woman that deserves a special and private desert with me after the meal.  (I'm thinking strawberries and whipped cream ... a lot of strawberries and whipped cream ... like maybe a bushel of strawberries and five or six cans of whipped cream ... well, maybe not a bushel, but you get the picture!)

Johnny would have to keep things under control as I'm sure things would quickly get completely crazy  otherwise.  I can see him directing the serving staff as to who to serve first and what they would be fed.  When in doubt, he could pull out his turban and do his Carnac the Magnificent bit to hush the occupants.

Mel and Woody would have to be seated apart from each other to keep the conversation from being monopolized by Jewish jokes, as would Tim and Carol to avoid an evening of television re-run boredom.  I'm sure Gene could keep Bobby in stitches with stories about slapstick antics with Richard Pryor, and Bobby could get the whole group roaring by demonstrating proper chair throwing techniques by taking out an overhead chandelier!   

Of course, there's only so many chairs in the place, so Tanya would have to spend the remaining part of the meal sitting in my lap.  (Hey, a true gentleman has to make sacrifices!)

All said and done, the comedy secrets and education that one could get from these comic geniuses would be unequaled to years of effort.  Bobby's direction in motivation could be a tremendous advantage to working towards success.  And, Tanya ... well, Tanya would just make the evening complete!   

I can see her and I jumping into my flying waterbed and enjoying an evening under the stars as we soared by the light of a full moon.


"NO!  Tanya .... 
don't touch that Ray Gun!!!!!"
Oh well......


24 comments:

  1. what a superb dinner that would be, I would probably be laughing too hard to eat. I think Tanya Roberts might have all you guys stumbling with your words though.

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    1. Karen - So good of you to stop in today! I would have to agree that the laughs would be constant, but hopefully, with all being masters at their trade, their words of wisdom would be fruitful ... and very welcome. Tanya could be a grave distraction ... but what guy would care? lol She was always my fav Charlie's Angel, even though her stay there was very short. Many Thanks!

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  2. Ok, seriously I am so glad you didn't bow out and you made my morning complete with your dinner tale. Richard, thank you for linking up with us and just so damned happy that you are indeed back with us for this linkup, because your sense of humor, your posts and just you were surely missed!! Thank you my friend as always!! :)

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    1. Janine - One of my dearest friends ... thank you so much for your kind words. Kinda of strange day ... over 200 views and very few comments. Oh well ... as long as they laughed a little while they were here. I really had no idea where this one was going to go. I just started writing and this is what happened. Good to be back. Many Thanks!

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  3. Given Tanya's landmark work directing!!... (alright)....Tanya's record breaking run of Championship Seasons are the benchmarks that others.... (wait a minute)... having re-invented the late night Talk Show format, setting the bar for all who would be hosts, Tanya single-handedly.... (no, that's not quite right)...after conquering the Great White Way, Tanya turned her attentions to.... (damn it!!) her seminal work in the field of Standup Comedy makes Tanya... (thats it!!!)
    lose the Y Chromosome Cowboy...clearly Tanya Roberts has the makings of a perfect Dinner guest.

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    1. Clark - My friend, it's good to see you again! Clearly Tanya would be eye candy, but what good is a bunch of old men if there isn't something to brighten the scenery. I always felt she was much overlooked and forced into a career far beneath her talents, but then again I don't make the movies. Anyway, my hetero self enjoyed her presence, and the fantasy. :) Many Thanks!

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  4. I want an invite to your dinner. Any dinner with Mel Brooks and Tim Conway and I am in. I will bring wine and dessert. Although I may get a complex from Tanya.

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    1. Kerri - Really good of you to stop by again! It's great to see you here! You are always invited. Got some strawberries, do you? :) No need for a complex, some of her later movies after her Charlie's Angels and Beastmaster/Sheena/James Bond girl days were not up to her talent offerings either. So, she's well aware what it's like to be unappreciated, like most mothers and wives tend to be in today's world. (My wife is agreeing with that as I write, lol) Many Thanks!

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  5. OMG I am laughing my @ss off at the photo at the end. In fact, I just scrolled back up to look at it again and now I can't remember what I was going to say. But I'd very much like to be invited to your dinner. Please let me sit next to Gene. Great awesome post, Rich!

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    1. Kristi - I think you're the only one that took the time to really look at that one! lol Who better to make fun of than oneself? Glad it brought a smile to your face! Of course you can come to dinner and sit next to Gene. Just don't get him started on the remake of "Willie Wonka..." (I hear he hated it!) Many Thanks!

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  6. Glad to have you back, Richard.

    This would be one awesome dinner hehe

    Would love to know the conclusion of it though :)

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    1. Ruchira - So good to see you again! I'm back in a limited basis for a while. I'm only allowed a few hours a day on the computer until my eyes completely heal. So, I'm doing my best this time to adhere to the doctor's orders. Would love to have you at the dinner so you can see how it ends. You are over 18 aren't you? :) Anyway, really appreciate you stopping in! Many Thanks!

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  7. Now Rich, if you do get that role, get me a pair of passes please!!!

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    1. Michelle - Happy you could stop in! We gotta get Hollywood to understand that not all heroes have a pretty face first! lol If it happens, you're invited to the grand premiere! Many Thanks!

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  8. Rich, I'm so happy you're back! This was 50 shades of awesome! First of all, I love how your mind works and how your associations flow. You cracked me up as the "old coot" who knows how things work and flies around on his water bed jet, now that would be a character I'd love to watch come to life. As for your dinner guest choices, awesome again. Before I came up with my idea for a guest I was conflicted as I couldn't really imagine myself dining with any historical character without feeling silly, those are some excellent choices you've made. I LOVE Woody Allen!

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    1. Katia - So good of you to drop by! Glad you enjoyed this one. I really had no idea where it was going to go when I sat down to write. Sometimes, it works best for me that way. I've been a Woody Allen fan ever since I first saw "Play It Again Sam" in the theaters years ago. After that, "Bananas" & "Sleepers" had me roaring. The intelligence of his writing shines within the slapstick he provided in those early treats. Appreciate you stopping in! Many thanks!

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  9. Oh my God, loved the photo! lol! and your funny stuff really cheered me up, but of course the main question is:
    "If I could have dinner with anyone in history
    it would be with...."
    Vlad the Impaler! we could talk over a sweet wine with pig roasted on a huge fire with lots of trees in the background....er no, not trees, people impailed on spikes er,and no, not pig on the spit..... put me off my dinner now! lol!

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    1. Nell, my dear, so good to see you! Glad you caught the photo. It took forever to do (lol). Vlad would be an interesting choice for a dinner guest. I understand he could be quite charming at times ... if you caught him at the right moment, that is. Other times, the human kabobs did indeed line the country side! I can imagine the flies had to be terrible! Many thanks!

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  10. I'd love to have all those comedians at a dinner party. That would be fun! I'd never heard of Tanya Roberts, so I googled her. Now I know who she is from That 70s Show. Ha!

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    1. Kate - Really good of you to stop by this week! It's been a strange one ... 200 views and very few comments. C'est le vie! Tanya Roberts was in the 80's Charlie's Angels as one of the last angels to join the show. That's where I first fell in love with her. Later, she played in a couple of adventure movies, "The Beastmaster" and "Sheena", and then a James Bond film and suffered the "Bond Girl Hex" as many have. There for a while after, she was in these borderline porn movies they used to show on HBO. Finally, she got the role in That 70's Show, but lost it as time progressed. Another sad Hollywood story in the end. Glad you enjoyed this! Many thanks!

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  11. Haha...good to see you back and what a dinner party that would be! I couldn't ever just narrow it down to one person. I'd be like, "200 guests" or nuthin'. LOL.

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    1. Cyndi - Really is good to see you smiling again! I had a hard time narrowing it down myself. I kept wanting to include folks like Carl Reiner, Jerry Lewis, and Dom DeLouise and a whole bunch more. I had to keep telling myself, "Remember the credit card limit .... remember the credit card limit!" lol Puts a new factor into the equation for sure! : ) Many Thanks!

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  12. Ah...Rich! So glad to have you back! I am so glad that you neither loudly or quietly bowed out. I don't know why but I'm not surprised that you saved Tanya Roberts for the nightcap after that mostly male evening.

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    1. Rachel - So sorry I'm just now finding this comment from one of my best friends! Don't know what happened here. It's good to be back ... at least in a reduced capacity for a while. I'm reading most blogs when I can, but I really have to watch my time. Doctors say only two hours a day online, but my job requires at least that. So, I'm stretching it a little by doing some writing and blog hopping. My wife just laughed about Tanya. Guess she knows that if I did mess with her that I'd be forfeiting all my material goods ... to the wife and her lawyer. C'est le vie! Many Thanks!

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