God, is it Friday already?
Getting older is Hell!
Getting older is Hell!
It is becoming clear that I can no longer live on only 4 hours of sleep a night. I’m frustrated that this stage of my life has arrived.
Now, I have to waste at least 6 hours a night to feel good the next day.
Otherwise, my walker with wheels gets too heavy to roll down the hill.
No, I really don’t have a walker with wheels. I’ve thought about getting one, just so people don’t get mad at me when I park in handicapped parking spaces.
No, although I’ve been tempted many times, I really don’t park in handicapped parking spaces. That was just an attempt at a witty remark.
However, I usually notice those who do. It tends to irritate me to see people, or teenagers, who are not handicapped, park in these spaces.
Yesterday, I watched six teenagers exit a car parked in one of these spaces. It was evident none of them were handicapped. I also noticed they were so bold that they had failed to raise up one of the windows.
Once again, I was tempted. I considered reaching inside to steal the blue placard hanging from the mirror that allowed the teenagers to park in the space legally. I began to justify the act more and more.
But then I wondered, “What if they stole the car?
I mean, what if they stole the car simply because it had a handicapped placard hanging from the mirror, and they knew they could get a great parking space at the mall? To do such a thing would obviously be the act of some desperate criminals. What if they were the type to shoot me if they came out and caught me stealing the placard?”
Is stealing a handicapped placard from a bunch of maniacal teenagers worth dying for?
So, instead, I grabbed a half empty 32 oz. cup of Mountain Dew that had been sitting in my cup holder for a couple of days, loosened the lid, walked by their car, and dropped the cup in the driver’s seat.
I felt much better. Plus, I had gotten rid of the cup of Mountain Dew before it had seeped out of the soaked cup into my cup holder.
I like being efficient.
Today is FTSF once again.
If you don’t know what FTSF is, it’s “Fondle Toto’s Slimy Fur” day!
Okay, it’s really not that. It’s “Find The Single Female” day!
Just joking. FTSF stands for “Fibbers Tell Stories Forever” day!
One more time …
It’s Finish The Sentence Friday!
This is the day our hostesses
provide us a prompt and we finish the line with a phenomenal story about one of our past lives. We might travel back into the land of the dinosaurs … the era of the gladiators … the conquering of the Wild West … or the castration of real men decade (formerly known as the 80’s).
Today’s prompt is:
”One time when I was bored out of my mind, I…
(This is where we’re supposed to finish it … so get ready … )
Are you ready, yet?
How about now?
Okay, here we go …
One time when I was bored out of my mind,
I decided to be totally creative in a different manner.
The problem was figuring out the different manner!
So, I sat back in my favorite recliner, put my feet up, and decided that I needed to think about it a while.
Suddenly, I was back in my childhood. I had my bike, a Stingray (big handlebars, banana seat, and small wheels) atop a tremendous hill. I had just got it, and was ready to try my first wheelie! The anticipation of roaring down the hill at full speed was tremendous.
This was going to be
my moment!
my moment!
I pushed off and headed down the hill. Faster and faster I pedaled. The wind was thundering in my ears as I reached Mach 5 speed. I could no longer pedal with any effectiveness. There was no resistance from my efforts as the bike was traveling at the speed of light.
Now was the time.
I pulled up and back at the handlebars. The front wheel rose off the road without any problem … higher and higher! I was doing a wheelie!
I just wish someone would of told me there is a point where you want to balance out your weight instead of continuing to pull backwards.
When one is traveling at the speed of light, and the back wheel of the bike suddenly shoots in front of the front wheel, the human body finds itself with no where to sit … except the road. That would have been a nice option.
Instead, my feet were the first part of me to hit the road. The motion of the bike pulled me forward into a prone position as my stomach and knees were dragged down a blacktop road by a bike that I refused to let go of.
Now, being dragged down a road on one’s stomach is not the greatest way to end one’s first attempt at doing a wheelie. However, I didn’t have much choice in the matter.
Three miles later, the bike finally came to a rest. That was when I first noticed another first in my life. It was the first time I’d ever had the wind knocked out of me.
 |
| Very similar to the type of road the accident occurred on, except there was much more hot tar bubbling in the hot sun. |
Bleeding from multiple tar covered gravel blacktop rock cuts, I rose and started coughing. Where was the air that was supposed to be inside my body? I gasped and wheezed and finally located from where it had been hiding.
What the Hell?
I was doing
I was doing
a wheelie, not playing
Hide And Seek!
It was then the pain set in. Cut from my chin, down my torso, and ending at my knees, I will admit, the kid in me decided that crying might be the thing to do. If nothing else, perhaps the tears would soothe the burning I was experiencing from all the cuts.
Of course, upon getting home, my father’s primary concern was the condition of the bike. He was somewhat upset over a few of the scratches it had received in the melee, but I guess he figured that his words were punishment enough … along with the 1700 rock cuts I’d sustained.
Do you have any idea how much 1700 rock cuts can hurt
when being washed out with alcohol?
It was then when I awoke in the recliner. Why I had dreamed about this childhood experience was beyond me. I had never thought about it since it had occurred. Yet, once again, I had experienced it as if it had happened only yesterday.
Oh, and I never did figure out how to be totally creative in a different manner.
But, I did catch a nice nap!
I don't often see my husband angry - he usually hides his feelings, BUT, let him see someone disobeying a traffic rule, or parking in a handicapped parking space who isn't handicapped? He goes off! We have lot of people who park in those. So annoying. And never someone around to catch them either. Your story reminded me a lot of the time I rode my tricycle backwards down the stairs. I was bored then too. Luckily, I didn't crack open my skull - it just looked like it. My poor mom. The things we do as kids when we're bored. Yours sounded a lot worse than mine though...ouch!
ReplyDeleteMelanie - Really good of you to visit so early! I like your husband already. I'd simply had enough of that crap and felt they needed to be taught a lesson. Even if they'd borrowed the car, they were going to have a hard time explaining what had happened. lol The bike story was indeed a true one. Glad you didn't suffer permanent injury in yours, but it explains a few things. lol I was a young boy, used to getting over bike wrecks and such. I was out the next day trying it again and again until I got it perfect. Still, I never tried it riding down monster hills again! : ) Many Thanks!
DeleteI think I would be pissed if I saw that! My Mom requires hC parking! I am not sure if I would have shared my mountain dew, but it was pretty funny that you did...giggle. Great end to a necessary rant! Great read first ting!
ReplyDeleteAudra - Thanks so much for stopping by once again! It just got to me. These were three guys with two girls, all perfectly fine. I watch an elderly person slowly walking past them as they hopped out of their car and thought, "This just isn't right." So, my temper got the best of me. Hope they enjoyed the ride home. lol Many Thanks!
DeleteI suppose kids will be kids, but you are making me feel any better that we are in the process of buying Emma her first bike for Easter now, lol!! Seriously, I was reading this thinking only Rich and all the while had a huge smile on my face. Thanks for sharing and for linking up with us. Oh and by the way, I would have paid good money to see that kids face when he sat in your wet Mountain Dew upon returning to his car!! :)
ReplyDeleteJanine - Really appreciate you stopping by! Kids are going to get cuts, scrapes, bruises, and even sometimes, broken bones. It's part of growing up. Parents hate it, but it just happens. I was always one to do first and think about it after when I was young ... like most kids are. Sometimes, I think it's the bumps along the way that switches out thought patterns as we age. I gotta say, I made my visit short in the store and left before they did. They were still playing around in the clothing section when I left. lol Many Thanks!
DeleteOuch. That doesn't sound like fun at all. I have to say, I'm reading along about the handicapped teenagers and I was like -WOW he wrote quite the post today. It was like two posts in one. Anyway, I woulda given those boys a piece of my mind.
ReplyDeleteAnd sorry about all the cuts. I never really did get into bike riding.
Julie - Very nice to see you stopping by today! It was just part of growing up and learning a lesson. I think we've all been there ... and some of us still are! lol I try to do a 180 on these FTSF. I usually start with something strange and end with a totally different topic. It keeps most from scanning. lol Many thanks!
DeleteOK- from now on, this is how I'm going to read your posts. Read a little, scroll down and comment so I don't forget what I wanted to say, then scroll back up and keep reading. Rinse-repeat.
ReplyDeleteFIrst of all, by now I should know not to believe everything you say, but do you really only sleep for 4 hours a night? That is sacrilege in my book. OK, moving on. The Mountain Dew dump? Brilliant.
OK, I'm back. I was a crappy bike rider and athlete in general, and could never attempted your brave wheelie maneuver. And lastly, I love dreams. Thanks for linking up with us- I love to read whatever you throw our way each week!
Stephanie - So good to see you! I've never had a reader tell me they had to have a plan before when reading one of my pieces, lol. Sounds like a winner though! I do tend to jump around a little. It seems to keep things a little more interesting for the reader. Actually, I never lie, but may be known to exaggerate from time to time. Honestly though, I don't like sleeping. It really seems like a waste of time. Over the decades, I've really trained myself to require very little sleep, and four hours seemed optimum. These 11 and 12 hour workdays I've been doing as of late are wiping me out though, so a couple of more hours tend to be needed. And, I kept trying wheelies throughout the years, but never going down a hill that fast again. And, never got that good at it either. But, that was another life. Perhaps, I need to get another Stingray! lol Many thanks!
DeleteI've had some bike mishaps (of course - this is me we're talking about). I shouldn't launch into the story about the concussion I had. I shouldn't talk about the time I hit a tree. Or when I bruised some preciously sensitive parts of the body while landing on the middle bar of the bike...or even the time I was hit by a car.
ReplyDeleteBut the handicapped thing....LOL...I had a friend witness a middle-aged woman park in a handicapped spot at a department store. She got out of the car and was absolutely fine. He proceeded to rip her a new one, citing the obligations that go with a handicapped placard. He let her have it. She called the police. She told them he had been harassing her and she was trying to pick up her wheel-chair bound husband after she'd run another errand. Oops.
Haha. Have a great Friday!
Cyndi - So very good of you to stop by again, my friend! The concussion explains many things I've wondered about! lol And, I've never understood the bar in the center of a bike. If gender oriented, it always seemed like girls were better suited to have the bar, and guys better suited not to have one. I think I'm going to skip the "sensitive parts" portion of this before I either lose a friend, or get censored by Blogger. lol I can understand the ladies point, and probably wouldn't have done anything usually, but there were three teenage guys and two girls in the car, with no room for any more riders (unless they put them atop the car like Granny in the Beverly Hillbillies used to ride, lol). They drove by, music thumping full blast, pulled into the spot, got out (throwing trash on the ground as they did) and playfully pushed each other around (demonstrating all were perfectly normal and having no handicap. Kind of ticked me off. I did go in the store and see them all screwing around in the clothing section, so I didn't feel guilty. Just somewhat justified. lol Many Thanks!
DeleteMother's of little boys do not like to read posts like this ;-) So did you try to do the wheelie again? It's okay to lie to me.
ReplyDeleteKenya - Thank you so much for stopping in again! Little boys will always do something like this, either for the fun of it, dare of it, or because their friends are doing it. That's just a part of being a boy. Get ready for a broken bone or two as I'm sure you'll find it happening one day. lol Actually, I did try the wheelie many times after that, but never traveling at the speed I'd been going. I learned that if the bike flipped backwards at a slower speed, one could usually catch themselves with their feet and keep from visiting the pavement again ... usually! lol Many thanks!
DeleteI love your alternative options for FTSF!! Thanks for linking up this week!!
ReplyDeleteDawn - Thanks so for dropping by! I appreciate your kind words. I try to be a little different. Hell, I am a little different even without trying, lol. Many thanks!
DeleteI remember my stingray bike and dearly loved it. Dad made it out of my previous bike that I banged the heck out of trying to learn to ride it. He spay painted it a periwinkle blue with sparkles in it, added a matching blue banana seat with sparkles in it, changed the handle bars to stingray, streamers. It was beautiful.
ReplyDeleteSue - Thanks for coming by today! I can tell you loved that bike! My first was a basic one like the picture above. I begged and begged a couple of years later and finally got a five speed one that had the stick shifter on the column. It was longer than the first and impossible to do wheelies on. Plus, the shifter screwed up after a few months, and no one could fix it. Luckily, getting a car was only a couple of years in the future for me. Many Thanks!
DeleteHoly crap that was funny. It was supposed to be funny, right? Well, maybe I have a morbid sense of humor. But I really, really enjoyed the post. And I would've given you a standing "O" for tossing the Mountain Dew. How many times have I wanted to say something?
ReplyDeletep.s. my dad would've been more worried over the bike, too. Thanks for sharing on FTSF.
Melissa - So very good to see you here! Yeppers, it was supposed to be funny ... in my own sarcastic way, lol. I usually attempt to make them humorous here, although sometimes, like my last one, end up becoming a little more thought provoking. That's part of my scheme. Stay out of niches to always keep the audience guessing. It give one tremendous freedom when writing. So, you had a materialistic father, too! Sucked, didn't it? lol Glad you enjoyed this one! Many thanks!
Deleteoh for the days of flexible skeletons and energy to heal in a day (instead of a month)... I too remember the idea that crashing my bike in front of girls was the normal and appropriate way to start a relationship... well, crashing and burning seems to be a recurring theme, so maybe I wasn't so far off
ReplyDeletegood post...again!
Clark, so glad you could finally post here after all your troubles. Wouldn't it be nice if the body allowed for such amazing healing powers forever? Now, getting out of bed can pull a muscle, lol. Sounds like you were quite the ladies man. I'm wondering how many "boo boo's" you got them to kiss? Leave the mind open for a whole new blog ... adult oriented! lol Many thanks!
DeleteI hate it when I see people park in handicap parking. It's something I would never consider doing. I think you are a gutsy lady!! I can't believe you just dropped the cup into his car. So Funny! They deserved it. I am visiting from FTSF blog hop. I am following you.
ReplyDeletehttp://agutandabutt.blogspot.com/
Betty - Really good to see you visiting! I do have to correct one thing here ... I am not a lady. I'm one of the few guys in this blog hop. I've just never been able to grow sideburns, so I understand the confusion. lol The handicapped bit got to me, anyway. I'm an opponent of not raising kids properly, and this was a pure demonstration of disrespect that comes from it. I felt somewhat guilty about the fact that it might not be their car, but felt that the fact they'd have to explain it to the owner would be worth it in the end. At least the Mountain Dew would make the ride home uncomfortable, if nothing else. lol I appreciate for the follow. Because of my heavy work schedule, it may be a day or two before I can get to your blog, but I promise I'll get there. Looking forward to it. Many thanks!
DeleteConsiderer - So nice to see you back here! If they didn't get the point, at least their butts got the Dew! lol I wasn't much on a bike. Oh, I could ride it fine, and jump ditches and such, but tricks were another story. This was when Stingrays first hit the market and balance was not a trait well known. Sounds like you're lucky not to have suffered more injury than you did. Many thanks!
ReplyDeleteThis was a wonderful read, it brought back so many good memories! I can totally relate to this, including the youngsters using the handicapped area, and the coasting downhill, and the bumps and cuts, but I never tried any acrobatics with my bike, I loved my bike too much! I wasn't protecting me, I was protectiong the bike. It was a Husqvarna, I remember, fantastic quality! After about 15 years of hard use, it gave up when my godson got hold of it. That was just too much for it! Have a good day!
ReplyDeleteJoan - Really good to see you again. I wasn't a daredevil acrobat, by any means. Oh, we'd do the typical ramps and such, but this was way before all the extreme bike riding of today. I couldn't have lived without the bike, but did put it through the paces. Many Thanks!
DeleteDid you really do the mountain dew dump? Wow, I'm impressed. You are awesome. Also, is it true that you can survive on only four hours of sleep each night? Dude. I need at least seven. And even then I wake up a little grumpy. Huh. That's amazing to have such a vivid dream. I love it! Dying to know if the mountain dew thing is real - I hope it is. Maybe just lie to me and say YES, Kristi, it was real...even if it wasn't. Okay? Okay.
ReplyDeleteKristi - Good to see you here! Yes, I did. It was more of a backwards, underhand flip into the window as I walked by, but it was on target. lol And actually, I've survived on four hours a night for years. I just go into an immediate deep sleep, instead of taking a few hours to get there. Lately, I've been dreaming a little, and I think that's causing me to need a little more sleep ... and working 11-12 hours a day doesn't help. Many Thanks!
DeleteOuch I read that one with one eye closed, my head tilted sideways and my reading eye squinted. It didn't help. Was it necessary for me to relive that too I wonder? Thanks for nothin'
ReplyDeleteJust kidding. Thanks for a great spin on this weeks prompt, but not for the visual imagery. Shoot. I'm trying to be nice. Good job not dying.
Jen - Thanks for stopping in! I tend to be a little graphic from time to time. lol I just like the reader to travel the journey with me. Must be somewhat effective. lol Again, I appreciate the comments and the read. Many Thanks!
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