Monday, December 24, 2012

Cookies ... Round Or Square? Who Cares?

First things first.

***Julie, I apologize for stealing your photo without asking.  I hope in the spirit of the season, you will not sue me.  I steal it in a sense of sharing the perfect examples of what cookies should look like.  As you will see later, neither they, nor you, have anything to fear from this individual.***


Julie DeNeen's Perfect Cookies And Pastries!!!
See and read more from Julie at  Life According To Julie

As most of you follow Julie's blogs, you know she's is a fanatic in the kitchen, especially this time of year.  Her efforts are well documented in the photo of her efforts that I have stolen without permission.  

My wife has to work tonight, Christmas Eve, in the pharmacy, and all day tomorrow.  I've already volunteered to try to duplicate my Thanksgiving efforts in the kitchen for Christmas Day, but about two hours ago I thought, "Why don't I surprise her and try to make some cookies?"

This may not seem like much of a challenge to most of you.  Let's remember two things here:  1)  I'm a man that has had no training in the kitchen, and 2)  I've already written an entire blog about my efforts and a German Chocolate Cake, that I finally got my wife to bake.  These two items should tell you that what I'm about to relate may not make sense to you, but to me, seemed perfectly normal!

So, not having a tremendous amount of cash, my standard state these days, I remembered seeing Chocolate Chip Cookie mix in Dollar Tree.  I jumped in my Ridgeline, started it up, and hurried there hoping they were still open.  

They were!  Amazing!  

However, I witnessed dirty looks from the cashier as I rushed through the door.  

"We close in ten minutes!"

The voice behind me was somewhat demanding, and somewhat begging in manner.  No fear!  I knew right where the mix was located.

I rushed to the aisle, grabbed three boxes of the mix, rushed to their cooler and picked up a box of Blue Bonnet (just to be safe having not checked at home in advance to see how our home supplies stood), and rushed back to the register.

They were locking the door as I checked out.  Watching the frowning cashier bag up my purchase, I tried to be as friendly as possible and wish the Grinch a Merry Christmas!  

"Yeah, you too."

Whatta season spirit filled greeting!  My insides filled with emotion.  Actually, I'd just drank a Diet Coke on my way to the store and a delayed burping reaction was working its way up my torso.

I passed the store manager (who was arguing with several people that wanted to come in at the door) and headed to the truck.  On my way, a group of five young men (resembling a scene from South Central in the 90's) were assembled close to my truck.  As I jumped in the truck and started it, they made their way over and knocked on the window.  I put the truck in gear, and in the spirit of the season, lowered my window about halfway.

"Yo, bro, I's jes gottsouta jail en needs sumthin ta smoke.  Yo gots a cig, man?"

"Sorry, I don't speak Spanish."

I pulled out a little faster than normal, making sure I didn't turn my lights on, just in case I hit one of them.  Why no lights?   It makes it harder to read the license plate!


Faletame Acting Cool Again!
I make the drive home, walk in the house, and Faletame goes, "Hey Rich, what's to eat tonight?"   

"I don't know, why?"

"Well, you and I know you're going to give me some turkey roast tomorrow, so I was thinking tonight would be a good night for some sort of fish or tuna Little Friskies, instead of chicken or turkey.  You know, poultry two days in a row gets old."

Gabriela looked up from her habitual prone position and agreed with him.  I was outnumbered.

"I'll see what I can do.  First, I've got to make Millie some cookies."

"Cookies?  Hell Rich, you can't make cookies!  Give it up, man!"


Gabriela Agreed ... "Rich, You Can't Bake!"
Perhaps, if Faletame hadn't rolled over on his back laughing so hard, I might not have had thoughts of checking.  However, yep, there it was, a can of turkey Little Friskies left.  Laugh at me will you!  Muhahahah!

Reading the directions, I put all three packages of cookie mix into a bowl.  Next came the three tablespoons of Blue Bonnet, one for each package.  Three teaspoons of water came next.  

But, when I got to the next part, I was paralyzed with fear.  Add three egg yolks read the directions.  Three egg yolks ... how do you separate the yolk from the white?   Not having any idea, nor patience to search endlessly on the web, I simply said the hell with it and put three eggs, whites and yolks, into the mix.  I've never been one for segregation anyway!

I then saw that I was supposed to put the cookies on an "ungreased cookie sheet."  I'd already sprayed the sheet with a cooking spray, so, once again, the hell with it was my reaction.  We must learn by our mistakes.  Right?

I went ahead, measured out slightly rounded teaspoons of cookie mix, and was able to get almost all of the mix on one cookie sheet.  I'd already preheated the oven to 375 degrees, so after sticking them in it, I only had to time them.

As I waited, I changed into my sweats (God Bless Sweats!) and returned.  Bored, I went ahead and reread the box directions.  "Place each teaspoon of dough three inches apart."


"Three Inches!"

Oops!


Okay, Damnit!  I Know I Can't Bake!
Still, Ya Gotta Give A Guy Credit!

This is the picture of the cookies, or what should have been individual cookies.  In this case, it became a mat of cookies.  Oh well, I cut them apart into nice square pieces.  

My wife will be home in less than three hours.  I can't wait to see the look on her face when she sees the container of square cookies awaiting her!  (I'd like to see Julie's when she sees the above picture!)

These aren't hard cookies (must've been the egg whites), but they really don't taste so bad.  I really can't understand why Faletame's laughing so hard.  (He won't be laughing so much when I stick the turkey Little Friskies in front of his face.)

So, Julie, you now know why I stole your picture.  Yours are the picture of perfection.  Mine are not.  


So, let's talk about your German Chocolate Cake making skills!


Merry Christmas to all and to all ... a square cookie!



21 comments:

  1. Oh man, Richard I love you so, but saw where this was going a mile away, lol!! But as my mom always says it is the thought that counts and you are a wonderful husband for attempting to bake cookies for your wife. Merry Christmas to you!!!

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    1. Janine - What are you doing here? You're supposed to be watching Christmas movies with your two beautiful girls and husband! Get to it, girl! Btw, Miss ESP, thanks for always being there. You're really a great friend. Merry Christmas, Janine!

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  3. Actually, I thought this was a quite wonderful blog... not only will your wife adore the fact that you wanted to surprise her with cookies... she will eat them and be genuine about liking them.... well done!!!!

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    1. Daven - Good of you to visit, sir! Hopefully, she'll do just as you say, as soon as she stops laughing her tail off! lol Thanks for commenting! Merry Christmas to you. I hope it's a great one!

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  4. I am sure your wife will be so happy to just have a bite of dessert in this cold winter after a long working day. She will be thrilled at your skills and won't judge you a bit :)

    That is my take when my husband decides to cook once in a while. It's the thought that counts :)

    Merry Christmas, Richard.

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    1. Ruchira - You describe the perfect woman in the eyes of a man. My wife is not perfect. lol It will probably be best if I simply sit her down and let her read this first, and then present her with the cookies. Perhaps she'll be gentle in her words afterwards ... but knowing her .... Maybe if I stress how unique they are, in that everyone else has round cookies, and she has the special square ones! : ) Thanks so for stopping in and a very Merry Christmas to you, too!

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  5. A good culinary attempt, RIchard. I love soft cookies, btw. THanks for sharing this Xmas!!! And please say hi to Faletame and Gabby for me.

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    1. Michelle - Good to see you on this Christmas Day! It was a shot, but I know my limitations in the kitchen, for sure. I promise I won't try baking again until you and your family come to visit and I make y'all some "soft" cookies! lol The cats return your "hello." : ) Merry Christmas!

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  6. LOL! I love how your cookies turned out though. I wish I could have a bite! ^_^ Merry Christmas to you and your wife! ^_^

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    1. Rosyel - Really good to see you here! I almost hesitate to state the plural of cookie here. It was one mass that was separated due to consumption levels, or tolerance levels, as the case may be. I'll save you one for your next visit! : ) Merry Christmas to you and yours!

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  7. ....careful, dude, with getting too good a feeling from (Janine's) nice sentiment, 'it's the thought that counts'!! lol
    But there is the feeling of satisfaction from assembling food units! ...besides, the primary advantage of your cookie-like product is that is is totally customizable.
    ("...ok who wants cookie? a little for you Cindy? here you go. clark? you are going on an overnight hike? lets just carve a nice little slab for you?)

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    1. Clark - I'm of total understanding, my friend. When a woman says, "It's the thought that counts", she usually means, "You totally ____ it up, dude!" That, I will admit I did! C'est le Vie! I do have to say that the square cookies fit into the square tuperware (sp?) container much better than round ones would have done! Feel free to grab as many as you'd like! I have a feeling there may be plenty of them around for a while. lol Merry Christmas to you! Have a great day!

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  8. Well, um...a spatula could cut them apart, lol. The eggs don't matter so much...just the inches of separation. Haha. At least you tried, hehe.

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    1. Cyndi - I used a butter knife instead, lol. They were still warm when I did it, so they separated easily. Oh well, live and learn ... what never to try to cook again! : ) I'm leaving the baking to my wife from this point on! Merry Christmas!

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  9. You need to submit your cookies to craftfail. Maybe CC will get a chance to work with your um...project. lol

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    1. Terrye - I took your advice and just did that. I don't know what to expect now, but if a big burly gorilla comes to my front door wanting to taste a cookie, I'm sending him to Arizona. : ) Merry Christmas!

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  10. That could be one GIANT cookie planned that way for all anyone else knew...hehehe. Compared to Julie's, I think all of ours are put to shame though. We'll have to do something about that next year! Great effort, and I hope you're not giving up after this lot. :)

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    1. Melanie - Good to see you! I think my baking days are over. I've tried different items before, and the results seem to follow suit. I can do cornbread, and bake meats and such, but, when it comes to pastries, I'm a flop. About the only thing I've ever had any type of success with in that arena is brownies, and they were a little hard around the outside and chewy on the inside. So, I'm man enough to admit my weakness and leave it up to those who can succeed there. Until, maybe, next Christmas! lol Many Thanks!

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  11. HAHA! That's hilarious :) You have permission to steal my photos...and I have to say, you are tempting me to bake a german chocolate cake :P

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    1. Julie - I bow to the master of the baked goods! I've been humbled in the culinary art of baking and bask in the shame of a new day. : ) Glad you're not upset, but your photo was the best example of how things should look that I could find. I could have put any old photo up, but I did feel the need to emphasis my dire plight. lol Glad you enjoyed this. (Read your blog last night, but I hate being the first to post.) Glad you had a great Christmas! Many thanks!

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