I'm A Twitter Dummy ... So Tweet That!!!

I'm a Twitter dummy.

I just read Julie DeNean's article about Twitter  ... and I'm still somewhat lost.  That's bad, because this article was written with the slow witted person in mind.  

Yeah, she had me in mind, 

I'm sure!

Julie DeNean professionally produced it knowing that there were some people that simply didn't get it.  So, she kindly provided a step by step process, complete definitions, beautiful directions, and even pictures.

I still don't get it.

Then again, I've never been one to follow trends.

To me, Twittering is something that a bird does.  

I'm obviously not a bird.  Birds don't smoke.

Howie Mandel constantly tweets on America's Got Talent.  I'm happy for him.  One day, he'll get a real life.  Then again, Howie Mandel is a multi-millionaire.  

Maybe he's onto something.

I joined Twitter over a year ago as a means to promote my blog.  Instead, I get notifications every time someone else promotes my blog.  I really should Tweet to thank them for doing so, but I don't know how.  So, I sit here, looking at all the promoting going on, and feel somewhat helpless as others do my work for me.

At least I'm not a complete 

self promoting ass!

I receive Tweets from others as well.  Tom Crean, the coach of Indiana University's basketball team is on my Twitter list to follow.  He seems like a nice guy.  

I wonder if Tweeting people makes you a nice person? 

Nawwwwww, just coaching the right team does! 

A while back, several people I know held a Twitter party.  Afterwards, a couple of them that hosted it got banned from Twitter for a while.  I guess Twitter doesn't want people communicating party information, only Tweeting nonsensical codes.

Twitter sounds like a group of politicians with everyone trying to say something at once, according to the latest trend, but no one really understands what's being said.  No wonder the rest of the world looks at our government and shakes it head in disbelief.

By the way, I wonder how 

John McCain's 

video poker game is going?

I wonder if twerking can be done on Twitter?  Miley Cyrus is supposedly Tweeting on Twitter about her Twerking all the time. 

 Whatever happened to the dance called the Twist?  If someone Tweeted on Twitter about Twisting, and someone else Tweeted on Twitter about Twerking, would it be called a Twisting Twerking day on Twitter trend, or a Twerking Twisted trend on Twitter? 

Would it really matter?

I guess the politicians would care.  According to them, they care about everything.  Or, so they Tweet.  But, I bet it's really their aides that are doing the Tweeting.  

(My apologies, I gave the politicians too much credit for Twitter knowledge.  

Please excuse me, I've been sick the last few days.)

So, for now, I must make efforts to tweak my twerking, twisted Twitter skills.  Then, one day, I'll understand Twitter.  Of course, by that time, everyone will be doing something else.  

That's okay.  That will provide a topic for another blog.  

Of course, by then 

I might be twitching.

Would that be a twitching Tweet about twisted twerking tweak, then, or a tweak about a twerking twisted Tweet about twitching?  Or, is that what happens when one Tweets while driving?

One might say this whole thing resembles a pile of twisted El Toro defecation.

It might be fun to see that Tweeted.  

Just be sure to wash your hands 

if you receive it!

Rambling Tuesday #2

Public Domain

It's time to ramble.

I just wrote an entire rambling blog about politicians that is sitting unpublished.

Why?

Because most of the people that read my blogs are not politically excited.

Actually, neither am I.

In fact, politics, as a topic, is rather boring.  Politicians do the same things, over and over, and believe that they are creating a show for the entertainment of all the voters.  The sad thing is ... none are being properly judged.

What if politicians were judged in accordance with the rules of television shows?

Can you see politicians ending an appearance, or speech, and being immediately graded by a panel of three or four judges?  No, not news analysts that make a living spreading even more El Toro defecation.  But, let's say that these judges were just ordinary people, like you or I.  People that actually had some brains, could see through the B.S., and properly analyzed what the politician had said.  Wouldn't that be a change?

Take, for instance, the recent discovery of how much money Vice President Biden spent for only two nights stay in Europe.

Public Domain

Judge #1 -  Cissy, the Blogger Goddess:

"Vice President Biden ... you say that your night in London was a public relations journey.  If so, how come most of the citizens of the United States never even heard about your overnight stay?  Isn't a good will tour supposed to be advertised so that people actually know that you're doing something besides sitting in your hotel room watching porno flicks?   Was that night really worth spending over $400,000 of the taxpayers money on the hotel.  That's a lot of those little drink bottles, wouldn't you say?  Sorry, you get a score of "2" for your efforts."

Library of Congress, Prints and Photographs Division,
 Photochrom Prints Collection

Judge #2  -  Bobby Joe Jenkins, the Redneck CPA:

"Vice President Biden ... are you serious?  You don't even speak French, yet you have the audacity to spend almost $600,000 for one night in Paris!!!  That's one hell of an expensive hooker!  Besides, who cares about the French?  Just a few years ago, we were calling French Fries "Freedom Fries" because the French wouldn't fake a war with us to go after Iraqi oil reserves that Chaney wanted.  And now, you're paying them outrageous sums of money to spend the night in a hotel room?  Damn it, man, don't you have a bed on the jet?  No way, Jose, I can't give you more than a score of "1" for this shamble!"

Judge #3  -  Flashinthepan, the Rapper:

"Hey V.P, now you listen to me,  

you can't spend my money on porno TV,

if ya gonna go to Europe to see the sights,

ya gotta find discounts where ya spend the nights.

Ya beat my record spending cash you see,

two nights overseas, cost over a million to me.

Yo dummy, don't do this sh*t no more,

Coz ya stupid all ya gets is a "1" for a score!"

If the politicians couldn't average at least an average accountability score of "7", out they go.  And, if either political party failed to have a total average score of at least "6", out the whole party goes.  Perhaps that would keep special interest voting to a minimum, and more concern on taking care of those that voted them into office in the forefront!

But, I just went political blog on you, didn't I?

Sorry ... I said I wasn't going to do that.  My apologies.

I know, I get a "5" for making an honest effort at explanations, plus "2" bonus points for honesty.  At least I'm still in the running.

I wonder how many politicians really run?  Not for office (because that's really not running, is it?  My friend Clark has wondered about that for years.), but actually put on the jogging shoes and hit the street.

Do you?

I remember the days when I ran five miles in the morning and five miles in the afternoon.  I preceded each run with Jumping Jacks, 50 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, and 100 four count toe touches.  I had a body that was trim, six packed, and energetic.

Makes me tired just typing about it now.

I've recently started walking at least two miles, twice a day.  The Winter wind makes one's pace quicken somewhat.  I'd like to say that it gives me time to think.  However, the only thing I'm thinking about is getting it over so that I can get back inside where it's warm.  If I continue this throughout the Summer, I imagine the only thing I'll think about is getting back inside of an air conditioned building where it's cool.

So much for thinking!

Perhaps thinking is over rated.  Much like the Big East Conference was in the NCAA Men's Basketball Tourney.

Other news items this week:

1. The $338 million dollar Powerball jackpot was won by an immigrant from the Dominican Republic that had to speak to reporters in Spanish.  (Maybe now he'll have enough money to learn how to speak the native language of the country he calls home.)
2. Wal-Mart has sued workers and their union for protesting for better working conditions.  The company says it disrupts working processes.  (In other words, get back to the sweat shop and stop bitching.  Otherwise, we'll let you go to Dollar Tree and see how you like working there.)
3. It's been discovered that 1 in 4 car seats are being used incorrectly.  This has resulted in it becoming a major factor in causing car deaths in children between 1 and 13 years of age.  (You gotta be kidding!  What 13 year old ever gets put in a car seat?  "Yo, mom, let's go to the doctor's office so I can get my birth control pills ... and, are you sure my car seat is fitting properly?")
4. 28 prisoners are now participating in a hunger strike at Guantanamo Bay.  They are protesting more cell searches and security cameras that record their every move.  (O'bama has hinted that if this progresses, the money saved on food may be used to start up the White House tours again.)
5. A 75 year tradition of having toll takers will end for the Golden Gate Bridge as they go 

   

   http://www.projectrich.com/gallery

   completely to electronic toll takers.  (Now, the $6 toll will be taken completely electronically via pre-paid ticket or by charging your license plate.  So, if you haven't been to California and you receive a bill in the mail, just remember, the Rice-A-Roni police are everywhere!)

Well, that's going to do it for this week's rambling.  My brain is dry, and so is my throat.  Hopefully, will see you next week!  Till then,

Ramble On, My Friend!