Ebola, Beheadings, and Toys R Us ... Damn, I'm Thankful!

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A woman has been beheaded in the United States.

It wasn't done with a sword.  Instead, a knife was used.  Obviously, it wasn't done in one swift chop.  Unless, of course, it came from a set of Ginsu Knives from television advertising past.

This event wasn't televised.  Nor, was it an example of Isis terrorist activity.

It was one disgruntled employee with a knife that  ... well, who knows what he was thinking!  Some say it was racially motivated.  Others believe it was a retaliation for religious comments made.  

This might be carrying political correctness a bit too far!

The alleged murderer (like the event wasn't witnessed) is a recently switched over Muslim.  The French were mostly Catholics during the guillotine beheadings during the French Revolution, so I really don't believe religion has much to do with it.  

Neither did Madame DeFarge. 

 (That one is lost on you if you never read "A Tale Of Two Cities.")

The alleged murderer's mother states that her son is a good boy, not prone to violent behavior.  He, of course, has a history of criminal activity, including assaulting a police officer, but I guess she doesn't believe that is violent.

One wonders where her relevance guidelines are.

They might be the same as the Ebola safety guidelines the Center for Disease Control is utilizing to keep Ebola out of the United States.

Oops!  Guess they didn't work either.

We now have Ebola in Texas.  People in Texas like to say they have everything.  Now, they do!

Perhaps the Ebola will spread to those that believe they are above all others.  

"I come from Africa ...
you suckas gonna die!!
Muhahahahahahaha!!!

Too bad it wasn't discovered in Washington, D.C.  

If you are sick and wondering if you've picked up the Ebola virus, you probably have.  Don't worry about the symptoms as you'll be dead soon.  

Nice thought, isn't it?

Luckily this virus isn't transported by airborne germs and such.  The Gulf Breezes would spread it across the United States without delay.  

It does make going to sporting events a risk, though.  Seriously, think about the ass that sat behind you last time, screaming his lungs out at the officials.  The back of your hair and neck were recipients of his excess spitting while yelling mode.  If that contains the Ebola virus, you may not score so big next time.

Nothing like spreading a little fear, is there?

Now that I've done my good deed for the day, let's get back to the basics of this post.

IT'S TIME FOR TEN THINGS OF THANKFUL!!!

As I was simply too busy with end of the month obligations last week at work, and didn't post, I know you've been going through the DT's just anticipating today's entry.

About as much as your desire for Ebola, huh?

Anyway, the Lovable Lizzi and her cohorts are once again providing a forum for our wonderful thankfulness to shine.  

Nice of them to do so before we're all dying of Ebola or beheading, isn't it?

Anyway, let's proceed with what we're all here for!

This Week, I'm Thankful For:

"Oh yeah, We bad, We bad.  What?  Whadaya 
mean passing a joint around can give us Ebola?
Mommy!!!!"

1)  Teenage Punks.  Without teenage punks, how would we know the feeling of thankfulness when the law finally does their job and captures these denizens of the crevices of society?  

Yes, the punk that attacked my wife and another employee at the pharmacy at which they work was captured last week.  A mug shot was provided and immediately selected by both victims, to be followed with, "Well, he's in jail now.  Don't feel bad, he's robbed other places and beat up other people, including a bunch of kids.  He'll be put away for a long time."  Since he's fifteen, I imagine he'll be released upon his eighteenth birthday, which means he'll only have served a little over two years for his crimes.  

Shame, I'd have given him the death penalty, or at least provided him with the same beatings he gave others.  I know, "he's had a bad childhood and society's to blame."  Sorry, but a person has to take accountability for their actions, regardless of whatever excuse you'd like to provide them.  Perhaps he'll fall in love with his cell partner, have a sex change operation, and be a loving mother the rest of his life to some street punk that needs to have his ass beat.  Okay, damn it, one can dream can't he!

2)  A.I.D.S.   The origin of A.I.D.S. has been traced to it's source.  Kinshasa, in the Democratic Republic of Congo, is the city that the epidemic started.  Now, all they have to do is to figure out which monkey clan was selling itself out as hookers and the real source will finally be found.  On a related note, gay citizens of San Francisco have been seen wiping their brows in relief and saying, "At least they can't blame it on us anymore!"

"What do you mean if I don't get this shot
I might die of Ebola?  I thought it was a flu shot!"

3)  Flu Shots.  The Center For Disease Control has issued a stern warning about getting flu shots this year.  They're stating that everyone needs to get their annual shot as the flu virus is just waiting to strike as the months start to chill down.  With such a sincere effort to make sure all of us get them, one might tend to wonder about Ebola more and more.  Of course, since we'll all soon be dead from the virus anyway, why worry?

4)  Hong Kong Protestors.  These protestors have cut off talks with the Hong Kong government officials, better know as Chinese Mafia Crime Lords, as the discussions were far from reaching a democratic solution.  Of course, this is somewhat hypocritical considering that democracy is what is at question, but who am I to doubt the sincerity of the talks.  After all, I reside in a country that only allows you to pick its leaders from two like individuals that have the same agendas in providing everything for big business and the rich and eliminating the middle class.  Wouldn't a true democracy be nice?

"Mommy, I Gotta Go
To The Woods!"

5)  Eric Frein.  This is the individual that killed one state trooper and wounded another in an attack on their barracks three weeks ago.  With all the equipment the police and FBI have, he has eluded capture by hiding in a forest land.  The police have consistently stated they are getting closer and closer to finding him, yet he remains at large.  Recently, police have been getting DNA samples from some diapers found in the woods.  It's my guess they're trying to determine if they belong to Frein, or if bears have gotten more sophisticated over the years and really do shit in the woods (in diapers).

6)  Alzheimer's Disease.  Swiss and American researchers have determined that certain characteristic traits may increase a person's chances of contracting Alzheimer's Disease.  These traits show up particularly during the person's 30's and 40's.  High emotional stress and the feeling of being unsociable were two of the primary traits stated that women need be aware.  Or, as one might say, "Stop being a bitch and chill out!!!"

7)   Toys R Us.  A New Jersey mother has filed an 80 million dollar lawsuit against Toys R Us over a toy watch that she says leaked corrosive liquid and burned her child's arm.  The toy was a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle wristwatch that was purchased last Easter.

"What do you mean volcanoes?  I always
thought I looked like Rob Lowe!"

Look, nothing against the kid, but he probably never took the watch off.  Digital batteries are known for leaking after being submerged in liquid repeatedly.  We just got done with Summer, which means swimming, hosing, sweating, and plenty of baths and showers.  Why in the world don't you take the damn thing off the kid every once in a while and check it.  Isn't that what a parent should do, or at least one that is accountable for the safety of her child?  Or, would that be too much damn work?  Oh, yeah, I know, you're in your 30's and suffering from emotional stress and unsociable feelings.  You forgot!  C'mon, damn it, admit it, you screwed up!  Geeeesh!!!  Whatta Bitch!!!


8)  The Man In The Moon.  Researchers from MIT are stating that the Man In The Moon is not an actual man's face at all.  Rather, the patterns were formed by volcanic eruptions during the moon's ancient past.  Says the cow, "Damn, you mean I've been jumping over that S.O.B. for years and it's just volcano's?"

9)  The Baltimore Orioles and the Detroit Tigers.  This week, the Detroit Tigers were beaten by the Baltimore Orioles in the American League Division Playoffs.  Said one fan, "Who cares?  We're all gonna catch Ebola and die before the World Series is ever played anyway!"

10)  Driver in Clown Mask Hits Cyclist.  This week, a pick-up truck driver in a clown mask intentionally hit a cyclist.  The driver later claimed it was a case of mistaken identity.

Damn it, I told him to hit the ass on the red bike that intentionally rides his bike in the center of the lane, doing 20 mph in a 45 mph zone.  That sucker has made me late for work six times in the last month as he peddles along, in his cute little yellow and green cycling outfit, thinking he owns the damn road.  I just wasted $50 on this idiot that turned out to be colorblind and couldn't tell yellow and green from purple and red.  What an idiot I hired.  Next time, I'll do it myself.  Damn!

Oh, sorry about that .....

And that's another edition of Ten Things Of Thankful.  Hope you enjoyed!  If so, please feel free to leave wonderful comments below telling everyone how great you now feel since you've indulged your dark side once again.

Till next time ...     

Ciao!!!

Ten Things Of Thankful ... Like A Poltergeist, I'm Back!!!

I’m really shocked by our news providers in the United States.

I guess I should be thankful that we have them at all, but, then again, one has to question the news they choose to provide.  

It’s kind of like saying, 

“Hey, there’s a new restaurant going up on the corner … 

oh, it’s a McDonalds.  Bleck!”

For example, take early this week.  There were multiple disasters on which to report.  The Gaza Strip War continued, Hurricane Bertha hit the Bahamas, two hurricanes were aimed at Hawaii, mudslides in the San Bernadina Valley in California stranded thousands, a Chinese earthquake and mudslide killed more than 300, a tornado hit the major metro area of Istanbul, Turkey, and a Bangladesh ferry collapsed with more than 200 on board (over 100 remain missing).  You might think those would be the top stories that the news agencies would cover.

Then again, you must remember the mentality of the modern day newscaster in the states.  

Instead, these were some of the top stories being covered:

1)  Guess what America’s top ten party schools are

     (if you’re sober enough to guess, you’re not attending one),  

2)  Sandra Bullock is Hollywood’s highest paid actress

    (at least outside of the porn industry),

3)  Rare lobster rescued from grocery store

    (get ready for another “hero” story to arrive soon),

4)  Joan Rivers shows her softer side

     (no, she didn’t bare her butt),

    … and who could forget the most important story of the week …

5)  51% of Americans don’t like their Congressmen

    (this is new news???).

This goes along with my philosophy that we are raising future generations of stupid people in the United States through environmental conditioning. Since most educated people are waiting until later in life to have children, the uneducated are the ones creating a major population boom. Soon, they'll all be looking to the educated saying, "How the hell do we feed all these kids we have?" And, when the educated look at them and say, "You should have thought of that when you were pumping like rabbits", the uneducated will retaliate with violence and kill them. We will have come full circle and return to the days of the cavemen!

Like I said, “Stupid people!”

But, most of them can play video games like they’re going out of style!!!

(And, I’m not talking Pac Man or Donkey Kong!)

Perhaps, one day, the world’s future will be decided by kids playing video games.  There’s already been a movie somewhat based on that concept called “Ender’s Game.”  A group of selected youth play a game that ends up almost completely disposing of another world’s population.  Harrison Ford portrays a character that could just about be classified as a bad guy.  

Damn, there went my respect for Hans Solo!

Could this be a near future scenario?  Could we use kids as warriors and push the adults into the background?  Could video game processes and operation be a college degree area in the years ahead?

Or, could there just be an exceptional number of teenage carpel tunnel patients awaiting free medical assistance from the O-Bam-Bama's of the future?

If the doctors treating it are as educated as their patients, we might as well pull out the old “Operation” game of the 60’s, 70's and 80’s and hope we don’t touch the edge of the incisions with the metal tweezers!  ZZZZZZZZZZZZap!!!!!!"

If you remember this game, you are definitely
over the hill ... get used to it!

Anyway, I’ve been away from Ten Things of Thankful for a while.  In other words, I’ve been too damn busy at work to take the time to write.  (Shame when that happens, isn’t it?)  But, in complete disregard of popular opinion, I’m making my return here today.  

My sis, Lizzi, has been very understanding of my absence (she doesn’t read my stuff either, so don’t feel bad) and has not been whipping me with the cat ‘o nine tails as often as she once did.  (Guess she’s getting to old and the arthritis is affecting her swing.)  It’s been nice, but every once in a while, I have to return just to pester everyone with my version of being thankful.

So, without further ado, let the pestering begin!!!

“Hell, I guess I’m gonna have to be thankful for…”

I like that young stuff ... well, I used to
like that young stuff ... well I kind of
remember liking that young stuff ...
damn, too many drugs!

1)  Charles Manson.  Since the late 60’s, Charlie has been a constant reminder about the end of the Peace, Love, Dove Generation.  After manipulating others through drugs and mind control techniques, he persuaded several members of “The Family” to go on a two night killing spree that left seven dead.  We have seen movies, read books, and seen interviews for over 40 years concerning the events and trial.  One would think that enough would be enough.

Fooled you!  Charlie again enters the news again as he’s found true love.  A 25 year old young lady has fallen for the 79 year old prisoner.  Fallen, so hard, that there is talk of wedding bells in the air.  However, let us not be whisked away by a tale of romance just yet.

Let’s think about this.  

1. There are no conjugal visits in California prisons for convicted murderers, so she never has to worry about his saggy ass pumping her, if he could even get it up!  
2. Manson’s name and trademark are worth millions.  Even though he hasn’t been able to capitalize on it while in jail, there’s no reason why she couldn’t after the old bastard kicks the bucket!  Do we see Cupid’s arrows being replaced with dollars signs in the eyes of the beloved?  
3. Sounds like a reality show in the making.  “How my heart was broken by a man I could never touch.”  I think it’s got the Jersey bunch shaking with fear as they worry about the ratings war!

So, thank you, Charlie!  Thank you for being the one asshole in the world that every stupid person can look up to and say, “See mom, if I don’t go to school, treat people like dirt and manipulate everyone I can, and get people to kill for me, I could be just like him!”

And Charlie, stay away from Honey Boo Boo!!!

Geeesh!!!  

2)  Ice Cream Bars.  Don’t ask me why.  Just open the package on one and go to town on it.  You’ll soon understand.  (Just stay away from Walmart’s Ice Cream Sandwiches.  They’re known to survive the fires of Hell without melting, which really makes one wonder if we’re talking Ice Cream or asbestos here!)

3)  The movie “Noah.”  I never knew there were giant stone creatures in the tale of Noah’s ark.  “God, please, tell me what else was left out of the Bible before Hollywood 

surprises me again!”

4)  The Ebola Disease.  We need a 

killer virus to kill off half the stupid people in the world.  This may just be it!

Ebola Virions ... looks kind of like the
inside of the Aliens pod hive, doesn't it?
Where's Sigourney Weaver anyway?

Now, the story goes that Ebola was confined to a small space in West Africa.  People that caught it were dying without fail.  So, what does the State Department decide to allow?  Of course, let’s bring this Ebola to the United States and treat infected personnel here!  We can’t keep individuals from stealing jets and crashing into skyscrapers, but we can easily contain germs we cannot see!  Duhhhhhhh!   (I seriously hope the decision makers in this are the first to go!)

I would love to see all of our beloved (?) politicians make personal appearances with those that are infected.  Why, they can even pledge their life insurance money to furthering the research of a cure for this dreaded alien Ebola.  And, let’s not forget allowing all CEO’s that have multi-million dollar buy-outs in their contracts an opportunity to take every infected individual a sample of their products and personally explain how they can benefit by them.

Making the world a better place is really easy, isn’t it?

6)  Diet A&W Cream Soda. Again, “I don’t know why I love you like I do, I don’t know why I just do….”    

(Excuse me while I belch.)

5)  NFL Preseason Games.  No one cares who wins since the results don’t count on the official record.  So, how dare they call them games!  All they’re actually doing is practicing against someone they don’t see every day so when the coaches get ready to fire a bunch of these guys they’ll have an excuse to do it.  However, the common male viewer also benefits as he has a chance to practice his “Yes, Dears” while perfecting his wife ignoring skills before the real season starts!  (Now that's a REAL Game!!!!)

7)  Papa John’s Pulled Pork Barbecue Pizza.  Add onions to the regular toppings and you’ve got a constipation creator for days!!!  (Hell, if you’re lactose intolerant, go to Subway and tell them, “No Cheese, Please!”)

This was taken during my fat
and stupid years.  Guess What?
I'm no longer fat!!

8)  Britney Spears.  Recently, Britney released a photo of her abs supposedly erasing the last ten years of her life.  Damn, she’s still a stupid bitch!  Abs do not erase marrying a loser, ignoring her kids, forgetting her panties for the press shots, slandering other performers, and just doing stupid thing after stupid thing.  (Maybe we can get her to next do a personal performance for the Ebola infected!)   

9)  Good friends with computer repair skills.  Okay, so I did the stupid thing and bought a new PC a couple of weeks ago after having used a laptop with two multi input USB input hubs for months.  And, “Yes”, I hate Windows 8.  
(Just for the record.)

However, I did find a friend that diagnosed and fixed my old computer for a very minimal fee.  Now I have three laptops and two PC’s to rely on.  All I need to do is grow a few more sets of hands and eyes and I’ll be able to visit and comment on blogs the way I used to do before the 70 hour work weeks became the norm.  (“Yes, dear, I’m happy I have a job.  Yes, dear, it’s bringing in money.  Yes, dear, football is on right now.”)

10)  Tattoos.  Some people love ‘em, some people hate ‘em, and some of us could care less about them.  There’s a new report stating that in addition to the usual infections and problems they can create (Hepatitis, staph infections, and the super bug known as MRSA), some of the ink now being used can carry extreme bacterial infections.

Eye Candy For The Ladies!

So, if you enjoy fevers, shaking chills and sweats, and possible circulatory and heart problems, go ahead and get that flaming Satan devil inside of the blooming, burning flower being held in Garfield’s groin, tramp stamp tattoo.  You’re supporting the tattoo industry, as well as the medical industry at the same time, and they thank you for it! Cha-Ching!!!

Eye Candy For The Guys!

* * * * * * * * *

That wraps up another edition of my version of Ten Things Of Thankful.  If you enjoyed this, I thank you and hope that you’ll take a few minutes to leave a glowing and wondrous comment.  If you felt this uncalled for, well, just wait until my next installment.  I tend to grow more sarcastic with age!

Ciao!!!