Paranoia, Jordan's Justice System, Hannah Davis, and "Why'd They Pass???" It's Ten Things Of Thankful!

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Have you recognized how today's society has changed you?

No, I'm not talking about how preservatives in our food have given us weight problems.  I'm asking you to look at how your lifestyle and mental state has possibly become more paranoid over the last ten years.

Haven't thought about it much, have you?

I carry a small pistol with me.  I'm licensed to do so having passed all the classes, tests, and background checks necessary for a concealed weapon permit in my state.

It pays to be legal, unless, of course, you wish to be 
somebodies prison "bitch" if you catch my drift.

Paranoid?  No, not really.  Just adapting to the times and understanding that society is not as it once was.  Older people are not respected.  Instead, they've become targets or "easy prey" for those looking to rob them.  And, I'm reaching the borderline between being "old and retired" and "still chasing the ever rising retirement age!"

It's only to be expected.  Why exert energy running after a young girl that jogs five miles a day when you can overtake a person with a walker with wheels without breaking a sweat?

Knowing this, I simply say, "Make me a target and you might find you've made yourself one for me."

If this seems like odd behavior to you, let me report that our state police are receiving over a thousand requests a month for concealed carry permits.  Soon, there will be more armed than not.

Why?  General public opinion is that society has regressed.  Violent acts are more common today than they've been in the last hundred years.  In addition, the public no longer believes that the police can adequately protect them.  There are simply too many instances where the police arrived much too late.  In a life or death situation, this is not an acceptable option.

(Can't you see asking a home invasion creep to take their time 
as the police are on their way ... but could take a while?)

I once had a Chief of Police tell me, "Get a pistol.  if you have to use it, at least you'll be around to face the consequences.  If you don't have one, you may just be a victim lying inside the chalk marks."  

(I enjoy lying down, but I'd prefer to do it on a temporary basis.)

I've always had a gun of sorts.  Funny that none of them have ever misbehaved on their own!  Can you imagine guns jumping up and down yelling, "Let's shoot that guy over there!  A white belt and white shoes went out in the 80's!"

That crap just doesn't happen!

See, as hard as it is for some to believe, inanimate objects don't think, act, or become a threat on their own.  The steak knives in your kitchen won't stab a person, your chainsaw won't chase people down, and your car won't run over people without a human being in command. Those things just don't happen!  Those that believe otherwise are living in a fantasy world and need to get a grip on reality.

Gun ownership boils down to personal accountability and responsibility.  But, that's a topic for another time.  Back to the primary topic at hand.

Has the world really become so dangerous that gun ownership
 is necessary, or are we just a paranoid society 
that's afraid of its own shadow?

Let's travel back to the mid-1960's.  My family lived in the rural country with my grandparents farm as our back yard.  We seldom locked our doors if we were home.

This was a time in which kids rode their bikes miles up the county roads, went off into the woods by themselves, and would sneak into the state park through adjoining farmlands to avoid paying a quarter entrance fee.  Life was good!

As I got older, I walked home two and a half miles in darkness after football and basketball practices.  (My father had an aversion to leaving his recliner to come after me at night ... or any time for that matter, the lazy bastard.)  I'd leave the lights of the small town, walk across the tall, long and lonely White River bridge, and keep walking along a dark, werewolf infested two-lane highway until I reached an even more narrow, vampire filled one lane country road.  That is unless I was picked up by some unknown driver that felt sorry for a kid walking home in the dark.

I never thought of carrying a gun for protection.  I wasn't afraid of snakes, didn't like killing animals, and knew that neither vampires or werewolves would be injured by regular bullets.  I simply had no need for one!

Today, you're judged a terrible parent if your kids are out of sight, you don't dare let them go to the woods by themselves, car pools set up to pick up kids as school monitors watch, and hitchhiking is so dangerous that no one would dream of doing it.  We've all become somewhat paranoid, or more realistic of what could happen

Nowadays, even a typical trip to the store at night entails:

1. Passing up three or four good parking spaces as you check out the parking lot to see if there's anyone suspicious waiting to rob, rape or render you helpless there  (Note:  They're usually not holding a sign so you must be tenacious in your efforts.  Sometimes they disguise their identities by dressing like a mall security guard or a coon hunter looking for his "dawg".)
2. Locking your car door immediately upon exiting to keep any of your blood from staining the car's upholstery should a serial killer decide to shoot or stab you where you stand.
3. Keeping your hand in your coat pocket atop your pistol until you get to the store's entrance doors so if you're attacked from behind it's not lost as it goes falling to the ground.  (Damn things are expensive!)
4. Looking in store security mirrors to see if the same fat guy on the handicapped scooter is still mysteriously following you. 
5. Always keeping track of store exits and "take cover" options in case a psycho comes in and starts shooting (Note: Potato chip aisles are to be visited quickly as most chips don't do well stopping bullets.)
6. Carrying your shopping bags and car keys in the same hand as you head back to your car with your other hand going back into the pocket with the pistol  (Not as dangerous as when entering the store as most thieves realize you've already spent all your money on the crap you're carrying.)
7. Jumping in the driver's seat and immediately locking the doors before someone could jump in.  (Note:  After you're in and have checked the back seat for anyone hiding there, you can unlock the car and let the kids in safely if they weren't kidnapped during your security check of the back seat.)

Welcome to Walmart!

We have everything but vampires and werewolves!

What has caused society to change?  Is the advancement in 
communications devices and technology the blame?

Sorry, but the best communications device is being ignored.  It's called family discussions.  Ignore the kids and never talk.  The sad thing about this is that without talking, teaching cannot take place.  So, the kids are growing up without many pieces of the puzzle they need to put this whole damn thing called life together, including the differences between right and wrong!

But the child psychologists tell us to give them space!

Child psychology really hit its heyday in books and on television in the early to mid 70's.  During this time, every psychology major was a child psychologist.  And, of course, very few of them had children themselves.

Boy, did they screw things up!

So, listening to "professional" suggestions, we did away with toy guns, Saturday morning cartoons and put ratings on movies to protect them.  Instead, today we buy them violent video games to teach them morals, give them their own computers to expose them to predators, and provide them with cellphone cameras for sexting.  

Doesn't that seem somewhat hypocritical?  Duhhhhhh!

But, perhaps the worst thing of all is that we stopped treating them as children and started acting as if they were young adults as soon as they could tie their own shoes.  That's the biggest pile of El Toro defecation there is!

So, in making the world safer for our children, we've created a couple of generations that violently prey on each other.  Meanwhile, many of these child psychology experts have grown up to become "Behavioral" experts, and spend their time validating the actions of murderers, kidnappers, and rapists on CNN, FOX News, and other news networks after a major killing spree occurs.  These abusers of education provide a child living in a similar situation with validation to commit a crime, instead of condemning the act.  

(One might call that "job security" of sorts.)

It's almost like saying, "I give you permission to go shoot up 
the school because you also came from a broken home 
where you were abused and neglected."

Of course, in a paranoid society, they've plenty of patients to look after, so we won't have to worry about them becoming cast aside by the networks and starving when their looks begin to go.  They'll go about their business, consoling those that can't get it up because of the pressures of society, and live a happy life until retirement..

Then, they'll apply for a concealed gun permit 

and become one of the masses.

***Boy, did I ramble today.  If you're still with me, I apologize.  Hope you're not too bored.  Let's get on to the good stuff!***

This Week I'm Thankful For:

1)  Network News Sensationalism.  

Brian Williams, the anchor of NBC Nightly News, has had a brain fart.  In discussing a military acquaintance recently passed, he
stated that they were together in a helicopter in Iraq in 2003 when it was hit and shot down.

The military publication, Stars and Stripes, investigated this and found that the incident had never occurred.  Williams, caught in his lie, has stated that he was wrong.  He was simply confused.

Let's be real, wouldn't you know if you were shot down in a helicopter or not?  Brian, you big liar.  Careful, next one you tell your pants will catch on fire!

2)  Jordan's Revenge.   

How do you deal with a group of terrorists that burns one of you jet pilots to death in public?  The next day, you execute two of the terrorist group's prisoners!

Unlike the civilized world that stands back, watches hostage after hostage murdered and does nothing to stop it from happening again, Jordan is a "don't mess with me because I'm not going to take your crap" country!

"Kill one of ours and we'll kill two of yours" is a philosophy that even the most elementary of math majors can figure out.  (If we lose two terrorists to one of their hostages, how many can we kill before we're all killed, or, do we go back to killing hostages from the countries that don't do crap when we kill one of theirs?)

Too many countries are using words to fight ISIS.  Remember the school yard chant, "Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me?"  Perhaps the politicians of the world need to go back to school and learn the math all over again.  Damn, sorry, I forgot ... we no longer teach these things in U.S. schools, do we?  We're still doing that government standard "no child gets ahead" core math thing that takes twice as long and makes half the sense.  My mistake!

3)  NFL Superbowl.   

With all the hype, the Superbowl did turn out to be a great contest.  All over the United States, contests were held to discover the loudest Seahawk fan that could scream,

 "Why did they pass?  Why did they pass?"

Congratulations to the New England Patriots and to Malcom Butler. 

 It was one hell of a game!

Now, let's get more college basketball games on TV since this

 damn pro football season is finally over!

4)  2015 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Cover.   

Hannah Davis is the model on the new cover. 

Hannah was the "Genie" girl for DirecTV advertisements.

She used to date Derek Jeter but is now available.

Just remembered I'm married.  I'm speechless.

 Could one say, 

"The cover's covered is somewhat uncovered 

on the new cover?" 

 Would that cover it?
(Please don't.)

5)  TransAsia Airways Plane Goes Down.  

Yep, it's happened again.  Another plane going down in Asia.  At this writing 31 dead and 12 missing as the plane ended up in the water. 

"When traveling by air in Asia, it is recommended all 
passengers wear their swimming suits."

Going, Going, Going, Gone!  

Just in case I ever decide to go to Asia again, please remind me that 

this is the only dependable type of transportation to take!

I may be slow, but I guarantee that if I crash,
you'll never have to worry about a black box
because I NEVER forget!

6)  Autistic Russian President Vladimir Putin.

It is being reported that Russian President Putin may be autistic.  In 2008, he was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, which is an autistic disorder that affects all his decisions.  It is said that his extreme self control in himself and in how he governs comes from dealing with this disorder

Okay, you're awaiting the punchline.  I've got to say there is none here.  There have always been positives and negatives about the man, regardless of the country he represents. But, whether or not you like the man, you have to admire the success he's reached and the internal battles he's fought.

Frankly, I'm amazed that he could get so far in politics with this type of disorder.  On one hand, you worry about some of his decisions he'll be making in the future, but on the other, you've got to admire his inner strength and self control he's demonstrated all the while fighting this.  It gives many of my friends new hope and goals for their autistic children and their future!

7)  Do It Yourself Car Washes.

You know the type ... drive in, put in a quarter, spray down your car with soap, rinse it off, and drive out.  Simple and cheap, right?


Wrong!  These places are the biggest ripoff events of the 21st century!  What other type of business makes you do all the work and charges you an average of a penny a second?  Forget the quarter as it now costs $2.00 for the initial three minute and 36 second period, and then twenty-five cents for every twenty-five second period after that.  Ten minutes in the car wash costs you a minimum of $7.00, especially when you drop a quarter on the wet cement floor every now and then while paying.   No wonder these places have installed credit card readers in each stall!

Can you imagine public toilets charging this amount? 

 At $10 a crap and $2.00 a whiz, we'd all go broke ... 

or go find a tree!

8)  Little House on the Prairie Tell All.

"And then the farmer
next door gave mom
a big kiss, and then
he gave his wife a
big kiss, and then
said something
about porno!"

When Laura Ingalls Wilder wrote "Little House on the Prairie", she also wrote an autobiography.  Supposedly, the publishers turned it down because of it's violence and borderline content.  So, it sat in a historical society for years.  Now, it's being published.

This one is called "Pioneer Girl", but needs to be called "50 Shades of Little House" as it goes into love triangles, domestic abuse, and a man self incinerating himself.  All the stuff that people love seeing on soap operas today, as well as some reality television is in it, so it would probably be a blockbuster release if more people knew how to read.  

Oh well, they can always wait on the movie version.  Or, if they miss that one, there'll be the remake with new special effects coming out three years later!  Have patience for "Sex In 3D!!!!!"

9)  Jennifer Lawrence Poses Nude With Snake.

Now, the above headline might seem like an advertisement for a porn movie, but it's finally out that Jennifer Lawrence posed nude for Vanity Fare Magazine ... accompanied by a boa constrictor that kind of covered up the parts she wanted to remain private.  Here's the photo.  You tell me if she succeeded.

As in all good photography, the stimulation comes from the mind and the imagination (unless you have a sexual thing for snakes), and doesn't need to be broadcast from all angles.  Not sure what they're going to try to market with this photo, but is should give good competition to the Hardee's ads of late ... and without all the calories!

"Oh yeah!  Well, even though I was banned
 from the Superbowl, I'll be back!"

10)  Voice Exercised Star Spangled Banners.

Are you as sick as I am with all the singers of the National Anthem rendering their own version?  

It seems as though every singer wants to pretend to be Christina Aguilera and run the vocal scale up and down during this very special song.  It's completely unnecessary and totally unwanted.

These idiots have obviously never served in the Armed Forces.  When you're far away from home in a distant land, and the Star Spangled Banner is played, there is a sense of pride and unity that swells up from inside.  The song represents what the sacrifice is all about and gives one pride that they are representing their country.  

So, what do these Pop, Soul, Opera, whatever singers do?  They decide to do it their way and cheapen its meaning.

Folks, I don't give a damn how popular you think you are,

 it's not yours to change.

See, the Star Spangled Banner belongs to everyone in the United States.  It's not a Pop tune that you're doing a cover of.  It's our National Anthem.  It's a song that is recognized the world over for the country it represents.  Whether you agree with the words or not, it's ours to cherish and respect.

If you've received the honor of being asked to perform it, how about saving your vocal exercises for some other time?  If you wish to do it your way, put it on an album so that your fans can hear your version.  Take a lesson from Jimi Hendrix, for God's sake!  Spare the rest of us the agony and the disrespect.

Do it the right way, to the best of your ability, and you just may find you provide chills of such intensity that you'll receive your largest ovation.  If not from the crowd you're in front of, from the service men and women that have served, and are currently serving overseas.  

Unless you've been there, you have no idea how much it means.  

And that's no joke.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     

Well, I know this was another long one.  I'll try to do better in the future in shortening them up.  If you have any energy left, 

I'd sure appreciate a comment below.

Until next time ...

Ciao!