The Dark Side (without Luke), Superbowl, Healthcare Infections, And Sex With A Comedian! It's TTOT!!!

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This week, I tried something different.

I accepted a Flash Fiction Challenge.  This entailed looking at a picture and writing a story from it.

Not too bad, right?

Trouble was, there were very few people that knew about it.  Beyond the few that were invited, no one else really heard a thing.

Thus, views were almost not worth the effort.

Or, were they?

I enjoyed the challenge.  It allowed me to pursue an avenue I don't often get to travel ... into the world of the Dark Side (for lack of a better descriptive phrase).

Some of you have read some of my tales of "Gabriela, the Demon Cat" that I removed from the overly restrictive Hubpages.com.  These were dark stories told to me by my cat, Gabriela, about her previous owners and their mysterious and sometimes violent ways.

I really enjoyed writing those.

Strange, that a person that performed stand-up comedy be drawn into a world of murder, mayhem, maniacal personalities, and psychos, isn't it?

Actually, I just described the world of stand-up comedy perfectly.

I mean, in comedy, murder means to kill.  This is what you want to do to the audience every night ... kill them!  This means you've ruled the roost, had them laughing so much they didn't want to stop, and guaranteed yourself a return visit to the club sometime in the future.  Job security ... if you will.

Mayhem?  Ever see waitresses deal with drunks about their bills while a show is going on?  Upon occasion, it would get so bad that I'd have to assist them from the stage by coming down on the cheap bastard that thought he could get away without paying for everything.

I could say things like, "Hey, please hold it down over there and pay the lady what you owe her.  Have mercy, she's getting ready to have a baby.  In fact, her and I may be creating one tonight if you'd ever pay your damn bill so we could all go home and get to screwing!"

Nice stuff for nice people.

Maniacal personalities?  I've done a UPS Man spouting Hamlet, a kid in a bath tub figuring out that there are certain items that will grow and float if you rub them right, the Kool Aid man that rammed backwards into a wall doing the "Kool Aid Man breaking through a wall in reverse bit" and many others that I came up with.  Perhaps the "You give me a situation and let's see how it plays out" times were the best for off the wall things that just came to me at the time.  Anyway, all were pretty strange, to say the least.

Psychos?  Just about every comedian you meet is a psycho of some sorts.  First, all are paranoid another comedian is going to steal their material.  Since the only way to copyright it is to put it in a book and have it published, or perform it on a national television program, theft is fairly common.  I could name several well known comedians that have borrowed some of my material on a no return basis, but since I've long left the industry let them have it.

Secondly, there is always a female in the audience that wants to go home with a comedian.  They are in psychological need of someone to make them laugh.  (Comedians love doing that.  They also love making love.  Problem is, most do it at the same time.)  It is a constant battle to maintain loyalty to one's spouse when in this position ... or, any of the well known positions during hot and passionate .... ahhhhh, conversation.

Anyway, it goes to show that writing the Dark Side of Fiction is not that far from performing comedy.

Now, are you ready to laugh?   Just pull down the sheets and ....

Wait a minute. Forget I said that.

If you have a minute or two and would like to read a piece of fiction I'm very proud of, here's the link.

Flash Fiction Challenge: "Good To See You, My Dear"

One or two of you have already read this and commented positively.  It would be nice to see one or two more comments there, even if you don't like it.

I've always been a numbers man.

(Smoked many of them in my day.)

I'll wait on you to get back before continuing.

DUM DA DEE DUM, DUM DUM DA DEE DEE, DUM DEE DA DUM DA,

DUM DA DEE DUM, DUM DUM DA DEE DEE, DUM DEE DA DUM DA,

DUM DA DEE DUM, DUM DUM DA DEE DEE, DUM DEE DA DUM DA,

DUM DA DEE DUM, DUM DUM DA DEE DEE, DUM DEE DA DUM DA,

DUM DA DEE DUM, DUM DUM DA DEE DEE, DUM DEE DA DUM DA,

DUM DA DEE DUM, DUM DUM DA DEE DEE, DUM DEE DA DUM DA,

DUM DA DEE DUM, DUM DUM DA DEE DEE, DUM DEE DA DUM DA,

DUM DA DEE DUM, DUM DUM DA DEE DEE, DUM DEE DA DUM DA,

DUM DA DEE DUM, DUM DUM DA DEE DEE, DUM DEE DA DUM DA,

Okay, are you back, yet?

Good, let's get on with our Ten Things Of Thankful for the week!

This week, I'm Thankful For:

1)  Winter Blizzards.   As much as you may hate the idea,
Winter is here and the
snowstorms, ice storms, freezing temperatures, and cold season is upon us.  I've been sick, you've been sick, the lady behind the counter at Wal-mart

Just think, in a few months you'll be able to bitch about 

the bugs, the snakes, and the Summer heat!

2)  Need Mo' Money!    President O-Bam-Bam-A is requesting an additional $74 Billion Dollars for his budget from Congress.  Seems Michelle needs a new dress.

(I'm just waiting for the time when all Americans can go to McDonald's and enjoy a meal without being told to hurry up because their lunch break is almost over.)

3)  AirAsia Plane Crash.   Final details have been determined from an examination of the "black box" from the AirAsia flight that crashed last month in the Java Sea.


Seems a French co-pilot was at the controls, having taken them over after a sharp ascent and descent.  Then, it hit the ocean and crashed.

So much for the Godzilla / UFO theory!

Damn, whatta story that would've made!

Damn, Miley's here!
Who Cares About Football???

4)  Superbowl ____?  
There has been an outrageous amount of interest in this year's NFL Superbowl.  So much that in 90% of the stories written about it, the Roman Numerals used to tell the educated what number of Superbowl it is have been omitted.

Yes, the dumbing of America has hit a new low.

"Damn, Buba, let's see ...

 I = one, V = five, X= ten, C ... well damn, 

C = see me eat barbeque and drink beer!  Later, y'all kin see me fart and puke, too!  Ain't no damn Southern teams playin' enyway!"

5)  Fallen Astronauts.  
AOL ran a story this week about the Challenger explosion of 30 years ago with the headline, "NASA Honors Fallen Astronauts."   

Was the word "fallen" really needed?

Dropping from thousands of feet high in the air 

pretty much already states that, doesn't it?  

I guess they could have called them "Crispy Critters", 

so I'd better shut up!

6)  Low-Life Scum!  
Senator John Mc "Git muh damn Cane" was heading a budget committee meeting this week when some anti war protestors barged in.  As security rushed to remove the protestors from the chambers, the senator was heard yelling, "Get Those Low-Life Scum out of here!"

Let's see, I seem to remember

 an old saying.  

Oh yeah, it went something like:

"Takes one to know one!"

God, I love politicians!

7)  White Castle Closes Due To Demand.  
The grand opening of a White Castle restaurant in Las Vegas lasted less than 24 hours, as demand for the porcelein poppers reached amazing demands.  Prior to closing for two hours to clean up the place and give the crew a rest, they'd been serving an average of 4,000 hamburgers per hour!

At 4,000 per hour, the whole town of Vegas is going to be experiencing
the White Castle Farting Syndrome in about 30 more minutes.  
WARNING:
If you're in or near the city of Las Vegas, please do not ignite any
cigarettes or other flammable items.  Also, should you start to feel 
dizzy from the fumes, just remember the last time you put your
wife's head under the covers and said, "Whoops!"
Told you God would get you for that one!

8)  Healthcare Infections.
Isn't it bad enough to be ill and have to spend time in a hospital?  Now, here's something else for you to worry about.  It is stated that 1 in 25 people that stay in hospitals will come down with a Healthcare Infection.  Some are so dangerous they may not be cured by antibiotics, and can even kill.  And, you could even become a carrier of the infection and give it to the ones you love, as well as the ones you hate!

Come to think of it, I got an infection after my heart attack 

seven years ago.  It took me a month of going to a specialist 

and a month of taking Cipro to finally get myself back under control.

See, the Healthcare Industry isn't there to get you better, but only to get you to come back, use more insurance money on treatments, and have repeat customers!!!   I guess that's why they send a blood test to four different labs and charge you four different fees for doing so!

You gotta love the system, don't you?

9)  Henry Ford Myths.
I know you were taught in school that Henry Ford invented the assembly line for automobile manufacturing, weren't you?  You may have also heard that he paid his employees enough to own what they built, right?  And, I'm sure you heard that he designed the Model T, correct?

Well, you and I were taught wrong.  The Benz corporation in Germany used the assembly line in Europe long before Ford did.  Employees that worked in Ford's factories were only paid a decent wage because he kept losing them due to poor and dangerous working conditions ... not because of his business fairness or generosity.  And, a Hungarian and a Danish immigrant designed the Model T.  Henry Ford had nothing to do with its designing at all.

Damn, next we'll find out that it was Tesla, not Edison, 

who was a genius when it came to working with 

radios and electricity.

What do you mean we already know that?  

Oh, well!

At least Orville Redenbacher invented popcorn ... right?

10)  Winter Blizzards.

The National Weather Center is forecasting two more storms for the New England area of the United States.  One will bring additional snow on Friday, and the other will bring either snow or freezing rain on Monday.

Wait a minute!  Didn't we start out this way with our list?

Could this be deja vu?  Could it be fate?  Could it be God's wrath?

Folks, it's just Winter!  Buy some hot chocolate and 

enjoy your days off from work.  If you were having 

weather like I am, you wouldn't

 be getting any days off!

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

And, that's going to do it for another week of being thankful.  

Btw, if I haven't told you how thankful am when you read 

and leave comments, please let me do so now.  

And, if you did go and read my fiction tale, I'm really thankful 

for you doing so.  It's the times one goes out on the limb and 

the results they get from doing so that mean so very much.

Till next week, keep smiling!

Ciao!