Ten Things Of Thankful : Yep, It's That Time Again!

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There's a child screaming outside.  No, they're not screams of pain or anguish, they're screams of entertaining oneself.  

I wonder if I haven't missed out on something by not screaming over the years?

Kids don't mind screaming.  In fact, they enjoy it.  Check them out in the supermarket sometime.  There are screams of boredom, screams of frustration, screams filled with anger, and screams of hurt because they're not getting what they thought their screams would get them.

There are times these screams get to me.  In fact, most of the time I would prefer no screaming at all.  No eardrum piercing, shrieking, sonic rattling screams would be a Godsend for me.  Of course, for that to happen, children may have to disappear.  

"I Want I Want I Want I Want I Want I Want..."

No, I'm not talking about doing anything bad to kids.  

(Although, now that I think about it ...)

Can you imagine if all the children of the world suddenly disappeared for a week?  Let's say that an alien spaceship was to appear overhead.  Telepathically, they communicate to each person on Earth that the children will disappear from our world for a one week period, after which they will be returned completely unhurt or unaware that they were even gone.  These aliens are hypnotic in their message, so no parent or person seems concerned about the kids disappearing for a week.

What would you do that one week if worry and fear were completely alleviated from your psyche?

I am curious as to this answer.  Would the military take advantage of not having to worry about child deaths and attack the enemies without mercy striving to gain a battlefield superiority?  Would the government stop subsidizing the school lunch programs?  Would your favorite daycare still charge you even though none of the children could attend?

Or, would you simply party your ass off?

Would this be a week that you could let loose and get drunk each day since no one had to pick up the little bastards after piano/basketball/soccer/dance/gymnastics practice?  Would it be a week that couples wanting to initiate an affair do so without fear of the little tykes wandering in and catching them in the act?  Or, would it escalate more changes to McDonald's Happy Meal menu?

"Gee, Aliens write in English, too!"

What I really question is how the adults will react after when the children return?  Will there be guilt to deal with that will be taken out on the children, since nothing would happened if they’d never left in the first place?  Will the adults look at the kids in a new light as becoming unwanted obligations instead of family responsibilities?  Or, will everyone simply going back to their same old boring life, picking up, washing, feeding, and harboring nonsensical question after nonsensical question?  

I wonder if some would even realize they were gone, or that they’d come back home?

By the way, did you see the spaceship flying in the sky above you today?

Anyway, this is another edition of Ten Things of Thankful.  This is where we all tell you the things that made us thankful (as if you couldn't derive that from the title) over the last week or so.  Most of the entries in this hop are filled with joy and compassion.

You're in the wrong place for that here!  Still, news wise, it's been a tough week.  Not a lot happening.  But, not one to give up, let's see what we can do.

So, without further ado, let's get this thing moving!

I'm thankful for:

"Let's screw them all over
and make some big money
... as your next President,
that is!"

1)  ... greedy lawyers.  There is a case in Southern California that is beginning to make national news.  Seems a Little League Baseball coach is suing one of his players for $500,000 for throwing his helmet.  Seems this helmet came down on his leg and tore his Achilles Tendon.  He was only going to sue for damages, which would be $20,000, but his lawyer put down $500,000 on the paperwork.  

Now, since most Little League participants sign paperwork relinquishing liability for flying balls, bats, etc., the case really doesn't have much to stand on.  Here's a kid that crosses home base to win the game that tosses his helmet in the air.  Now, unless the helmet weighed 50 lbs, the chance of it injuring an adults Achilles Tendon is slim.  (I'd say the adult coach injured it jumping up and down in elation after his player won the game!)  

But, here is this greedy, money grubbing, sleazeball lawyer who wants to hit his own home run in the courts and files for 25 times the amount the idiot coach originally asked for!  If the case was settled for half that amount, the lawyer just made $50,000 at a 20% contingency fee basis, and all of our insurance costs rise!  (Careful folks, sounds like the next Presidential Candidate in the making!)

2)  ... Russian computer virus developers.  It's been discovered that the virus that compromised personal and confidential information on credit and debit cards at Target, Neiman Marcus and four other retailers was developed by a seventeen year old Russian that then sold it to hackers.  Millions now have their information floating around in the hands of these identity theft and bank account robbing hackers.  

"Take the Olympic Credit Card Cash And
Let's Go To Vegas!!"

In a month, the Olympics will be held in Russia.  I'm betting that if you watch the events, you're going to see ads from Visa, MasterCard, Discover and many more credit card companies.  Also, there will be people from all over the world using credit cards there.  Makes one wonder how safe these folks are going to be if that seventeen year old had any friends like himself, doesn't it?  ("What do you mean I spent $8300 on Russian porn sites????   I was there and none of the girls were worth looking at!!!)

3)  ... Hiroo Onoda.  This was the Japanese soldier that stayed in the jungle for almost 30 years after World War II because he didn't know that the world was over.  He died this week at 89 years of age.  I imagine when he finally came out and discovered the war was over, he was asked multiple times why he didn't come out earlier.  I suspect it might have been, "I knew if I waited long enough my mother-in-law would be dead!"   (You have to be a guy to love that one!)

4)  ... Michelle Obama.  The First Lady turned 50 years of age on Friday.  Said her husband, "She doesn't look a day over 50."  It's suspected that the Vice President will be sworn in as President as soon as the courts decide to turn off the artificial life support systems.

5)  ... Ohio's new execution drug.  This week found Ohio experimenting with a new drug to execute those on Death Row.  Dennis McGuire, convicted for raping and murdering by stabbing a newlywed, Joy Stewart, took over 25 minutes to die once injected with the drug combination.  Although some proclaim this to be cruel and inhumane punishment, supporters of the death penalty see this as a way to proclaim "Overtime" and sell more tickets since the show will now last a little longer.  (Yeah, like I'm gonna feel sorry for a rapist and a murderer who had no mercy on his victim!  C'mon folks, you know me better than that!)

"Whose damn cats are laughing?"

6)  ... Westminster Dog Show.  After 138 years, the show is finally going to allow mixed breeds into the competition.  None will be allowed for the Best Of Show title, but they will be used in the new agility trials at the next show.  The German Shepherd/ Pug mix will compete against the Dachshund/ Pit bull mix in the "Let's see who can make it over Niagara Falls on a wire" event, and the Collie/ Terrier mix will compete against the Russian Wolf Hound/ Beagle mix in the "So, you think you can ride the electric bull" event!"  All survivors will be awarded a bowl of Purina Dog Chow and a vasectomy.  (My cats are laughing their asses off at that one!)

7)  ... Apple and Samsung.  Without these two companies, neither the I-Phone or the Android would exist.  Where would we be if we had to stick our heads outside to see what the weather was doing, calculate math problems longhand, or actually put on a CD to listen to music?  In a study this week, it was revealed that these two companies are leaving all others in the dust with their advanced technology and have combined 68% of the market.  I'd be happy to continue this information for you, but I lost service on my I-Phone just as it was getting good.  Seems they've just built another tower close to where I live, but the signal is too high to connect to with my phone.  (Guess I'm going to have to go out and buy a 2,000 foot ladder to order a pizza!)

"Okay, you distract him with the veggies, and I'll
screw him out of his change, and we'll split
the profits!  It's called the Subway Tango!"

8)  ... Subway.  Nearly two weeks ago, I was double teamed by their cashier and sandwich maker and cheated out of $5 change.  I waited a week for the owner to call me, and never heard a thing.  So, this week, I visited their corporate site and filed a complaint.  Granted, it's only been five days, but I still haven't heard a thing.  So, unlike many of their competitors, Subway has basically told me that customers don't matter.  In turn, I'm telling them, by writing here for them and all others to read, that they don't matter to me.  I hope they take that $5 and jam it up Jared's sandwich release tube as there are many other places to eat that don't screw over customers.  (Gee, I feel much better now!  Anyone for tacos?)

"Rich, I know you're one
hot man, but I'm married!"

9)  ... Jennifer Nettles.  Why?  Because regardless of the fact you may not like Country Music, and regardless of the fact she just released an album after just having a baby, you have to admit she's still one hot lady!  Of course, we're all betting she's been around the block a few times, but that's to be expected of an entertainer.  (I remember when I was on the road doing stand-up comedy and ... oops, almost told on myself!)

10)  ... Good Web Friends.  I do my best to visit blogs, especially in hops.  I usually do this when at work on my I-Phone, and since I hate fumble typing on the damn thing, seldom leave comments.  My views and comments on this blog continue to rise because of good people like you, the reader, that understand I work over 70 hours a week and have extremely blurry vision by the end of the day, making it hard to go back and comment.  I sincerely appreciate each and every one of you that take the time to read and comment here.  It means much more than you realize.  You're the reason I still do this stuff.  (That and Lizzie with her damn cat 'o nine tails!)  Sincerely, Many Thanks!

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Yeah, I saved the mushy stuff for last.  Not really my cup of tea, but then I drink coffee or Diet Coke for the most part.  Tea is too gentle on the stomach.  I need something that eats away kidney stones!  Diet Coke has never let me down!

Ciao!