Rambling Tuesday: Annette, Kim Jong Un, & River Otters

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The childhood sweetheart of my dreams

passed away Monday.

The Mickey Mouse Club of the late 50's / early 60's is in mourning.

Annette Funicello 

is no more.

My heart is saddened.

I first fell in love with Annette, not on the Mickey Mouse Club, as one would expect.  In fact, I very seldom watched that show.  The ending made me cry.

M-I-C ... see you real soon

K-E-Y ... why, because we like you

M-O-U-S-E

That was the rap music of the day.

No, I first fell in love with Annette in the Christmas movie "Babes In Toyland" released in 1961.  She was the only thing worth watching the movie for, unless you got into toys doing battle with bad guys and such.  It was amazing the things watching her could do to a seven year old boy!

Later, Annette donned a one piece swimsuit and joined Frankie Avalon in multiple "Beach Party"
movies.  She was a full figured girl, not one of the skin and bones look that parades itself as the sheer look of today.  No, Annette had a body ... but she didn't flaunt it.  Well, maybe a little when she sang songs of the era.

Instead, Annette played the role of a sensible person ... intelligent if you please ... that knew how to use her mind, hold on to true American values, and demonstrate common sense approaches to the problems that always seemed to face her.  Yet, she was a true beauty.

Creative Clearance-Publicity photos

My mother hated her.

In fact, after listening to me talking about Annette after viewing "Babes In Toyland" for the 5th time, she turned to me and said, "She's not as pretty as you think.  She wears tons of make-up to cover up all the bad pimples she has.  It's just the way Hollywood makes you think she's beautiful."

I never believed her for a second.  I think she was just trying to tell me to find someone my own age.  Annette was born in 1942, so she was 12 years older than I.

Yet, I was always attracted 
to older women.

Television offered me a few others to swoon over.  Connie Stevens, a sultry blond with a cotton candy voice tugged at my heart in "77 Sunset Strip", Gloria Winters, as Penny in "Sky King", was a sweet, young delight, and who could forget "The Farmer's Daughter" with the gorgeous Inger Stevens.

Still, Annette was my girl!

Annette died due to complications of Multiple Sclerosis.  She was 70 years old.  

There's a beach party in Heaven tonight!  There's a bending of the rules as bikini bathing suits and 60's rock music fills the scene.  The Rat Finks motorcycle gang are watching, as always, wishing they could participate.  Even the main man upstairs has his Mouseketeer ears on in honor of the occasion.

So, Annette, all I can say is, 

M-I-C ... see you real soon

K-E-Y ... why, because we like you

M-O-U-S-E

And on Earth, life goes on ...

1. Kim Jong Un, the young leader of North Korea, seems devoted to making a name for himself.  He's threatened the United States, civilized Asia, and just about any country that will listen to his tirades, with nuclear attack.  (The only difference between men and boys is the cost and size of their toys!  Actually, he's suffering from a complex caused by having been given the female name of "Kim" by his mother years before, and forced to get a haircut while wearing a bowl on his head.  Perhaps we need be watchful of Moon Unit Zappa!)
2. In the wake of the Rutgers coaching scandal, the athletic director, Tim Pernetti, has resigned from his job.  Don't feel sorry for him, yet.  He will collect $1.1 million dollars from the university in severance pay.  (Let's see, fail to do your job and become a millionaire!  Where the hell is that type of job when I was unemployed!)
3. Nebraska, Wyoming and Colorado is preparing for a Winter blizzard to hit.  It is predicted that enough snow may fall to create numerous transportation and manufacturing problems.  (Wait a minute, isn't it officially Spring?)
4. At the same time, Kansas, Oklahoma and North Texas are expected to experience hail and tornadoes.  (If you have a dog named Toto, be particularly careful.)
5. Prescription drug prices are outrageously high, especially at CVS Pharmacies.  Consumer Reports called drug stores throughout the United States comparing prices in various retail outlets.  The prices were determined to be the lowest at Costco, while the highest were at CVS.  (Example: a month's supply of Plavix ... Costco $15, CVS $180!) (My wife has worked at CVS for 20 years and makes $12.15 an hour.  Guess it's all going to the CEO, like it usually does.  Talk about making a profit by selling drugs!)  
6. United Airlines has been determined to be the worst of the 14 major U.S. airline carriers.  Overbookings, lost luggage, and smaller toilets seem to be at the root of the problem.  (No more Mile High Club flying united on United, you might say!)  Btw, Virgin America was rated as the Number One airline.  (I have a feeling they'll change their name in a few years when they reach puberty.)
7. A River Otter was seen in Colorado for the first time in 100 years.  (This might indicate that no one was looking for one.)

Till next time ... keep smiling!

Editorial:  

Allow me to start by saying that I am neither a Louisville or Michigan fan.  

Yet, in my opinion, the NCAA and/or CBS decided that a great way to welcome Coach Rick Pitino into the Basketball Hall of Fame, as well as show tribute to the last season the Big East existed, would be to make sure Louisville defeated the University of Michigan in the championship game of this year's March Madness.  As has taken place many times this season and tourney, questionable officiating, especially during the last 9 minutes, swayed the game to Louisville's corner.  

This was predicted to occur by yours truly in another blogger's blog prior to the game ever taking place, and was judged to be correct by statistics and replays.  Funny that even the announcers made several comments during that time of the game about questionable officiating calls.  Funny how that seems to be a common theme this year.

I have nothing against Louisville and believe them to be a quality team.  They have heart and skill, and the motivation provided by Kevin Ware, who made a tremendous sacrifice last week.  However, as has happened way too often, the losers didn't deserve the loss in the manner it was dealt them.

My heart goes out to all of those schools, and especially to the kids that gave their hearts and souls to the game this year, only to have them jerked out by such lousy individuals that control the game's ratings needs, advertising, and officiating.  It is a sad day for basketball, a sad day for the players, and a sad day for the true basketball fan.  

Perhaps, next year will be different.  Perhaps, greed and ratings will no longer play into the final results.  

Perhaps, it will snow in Texas in July.

Finish The Sentence Friday ... Cats, Red Beans and Rice, and a Lamborghini

Faletame

My cats have been acting up.

You can tell my life is interesting, huh?

I was chatting with my cousin a few minutes ago, and she stated that she doesn't care for cats.  Her words were that she was never at home and was allergic to them.

You should have seen my cats shaking as they read her words.

Faletame said, "So, she runs around all the time and has the audacity to say she's allergic!  How does she know if she's always running around somewhere?"

Of course, Gabriela had to add, "Sounds like she's out running the streets like I used to ... before I settled down and became a wonderful example to cathood families everywhere!"

"Now, both of you hush!  That's my cousin you're talking about!"

"But we live with you!  That should mean something!  Or, are we just furry friends when you want us around?  Oh yeah, "Here kitty" when you want some loving and "Shut the hell up" when we simply state the truth!  And you know she runs around ... she told you so!" added Gabriela.

They had a point!

Thus, I'm in a fix.  I really do care a lot for my cousin.  She's had a tough life, and needs a friend (as we all do) every now and then.  But, on the other side, my cats are like my kids.

"Like you had anything to do with me being born!"

"Hush, Faletame!  

Quit reading over my shoulder.  You know what I mean!"

"Yeah, you're just scared now!  You remember sending me to the vet's planned parenthood program.  You know one night, you might wake up to find me down around your crotch ... claws sharpened and ready for action!  You think it's fun being a eunuch, do you?"

He had another point.

Still, I find myself slightly in a fix.  I’m not going to cast away my cousin.  She’s really a very respected person and a great friend to boot.  And my cats, well, my cats are my cats!  They’ll always be a part of my life.

Gabriela

“You’re saying that so you can sleep at night, aren’t you?”

“No, Gabriela, I’m saying it because it’s true.  Even though you’re both pains in the butts at times, get your stray fur all around the keyboard as you practice your typing, and leave giant mounds of crap in the litter box for Millie to clean up, 

I love you both."

"So, you love us both?"

"Yes, I love you both."

"So, do you love Faletame 

more than me, or me 

more than Faletame?"

God, I think I feel an allergy coming on!

Anyway, it's time for:

"Finish The Sentence Friday!!!!"

Whoopee!  Whoopee!  Whoopee!

This is the time of the week that I now place an image that shows the rules and gracious hostesses of this spectacular weekly event.

So, great image, isn't it?

Anyway, this week's prompt to finish is:

"A typical day in my life looks like ... "

The real question is, "Should I divulge the secret lifestyle I cherish?"

Actually, it's pretty boring.  See if you don't agree.

I arise to a beautiful blue sky each and every morning.  (I painted a beautiful blue sky on my bedroom ceiling just so I could arise that way.  I was going to paint a beautiful night sky, which I really prefer, but I figured I'd think it still night time and go back to sleep until it actually was night time, when I could really get up to the sky I preferred.)   (If you followed that you're better than most.)

I do the typical bathroom stuff and come out feeling completely awake and refreshed.  Smelling of Royal Copenhagen cologne (no longer being produced), I enter into my breakfast nook to a light meal of pancakes with strawberry syrup, three eggs, six pieces of bacon, wheat toast with real butter, orange juice, and black coffee.   (Okay, so I imagined everything but the coffee, let a guy live his dream for a while.)

I then enter my Lamborghini and race down the two mile driveway to the main road.  Passing police officers at speeds in excess of 180 mph, I wave as I know I’ve still plenty of money lying in wait of the tickets they’ll write while laughing at how funny it was for them to be left behind in a cloud of dust.  (Yeah, Yeah, so I bounce out of the driveway onto the street in my Honda Ridgeline, and creep by the cop cars in hopes that they don’t notice my seat belt no longer works properly.)

Arriving at work, the valet takes my car and gently parks it by the front door.  I enter the building and am greeted with complete respect by my underlings that believe brown nosing the boss means an employment future.  I ride my private elevator to the 737th floor, walk into my office in the clouds, and peruse my computer for items requiring my expertise.  (Yep, you guessed it.  I park six blocks from work in a free parking zone, am ignored by all except the receptionist who immediately reminds me I’m late, walk down three flights of stairs to my office next to the cardboard incinerator and sewer hook-ups, and check my email for any spam that looks like it means I’ve won money from a past dictator from Africa.)

Diligently I work on matters of world importance until time for lunch.  I then enjoy a Continental Offering of Italian, Swiss, and American delicacies.   (So I search the web to act like I’m busy, until it’s time to eat my Dollar Tree salami and cheese on wheat bread sandwich for lunch.)

The afternoon passes quickly as my technical skills are called into use many times.  Finally, as the work day ends, I don my exercise gear, get my body in shape to it’s six pack image, jump in my Lamborghini and head back home to my mansion on the hill.  (You guessed it.  After making 117 field goals while playing with rubber bands and paperclips, I walk the six blocks back to my truck, beer gut heaving as I try to catch my wind, crawl up into my truck, and drive home to the shack behind the radio tower.)

After indulging in another evening delicacy from New Orleans, I head back to my computer and answer the millions of fan letters I have waiting from all of those that love my writing and can’t wait until the next installment.  (Okay, so it’s Zatarain’s Red Beans & Rice frozen TV dinner, emails from Direct TV and Bluegrass Energy telling me my credit card was rejected and that the bills were due two days ago, and a few drunken acquaintances that wonder if I’m ever going to go back to Hubpages and start writing for real again.)

After an evening of expressive entertainment, I snack on Idaho’s finest treats, brush my teeth, and head off into a dreamland in my King Size bed.  (Or, after suffering through my wife’s watching of The Voice, Dancing With The Stars, or Duck Dynasty, I grab a bag of potato chips, inhale them all within seconds, and hit the waterbed for four hours of sleep before having to get up and do it all over again the next day!)

Now, aren’t you glad you asked?

“So, do you love Faletame more than me, or me more than Faletame?  You still haven’t answered me!”

Oh, God ... why me?

Rambling Tuesday: 50 Shades Of Grey, Homosexuals, and Gun Registration

Today is Tuesday, 

so it must be time to ramble!

(As if I don't any other day.)

As I was driving home last night, I started thinking about what I might ramble about today.  All sorts of topics ran through my mind.  

(Decisions, decisions)

First, I could talk about my wife.  I figured that must be an acceptable topic, since many of the wonderful ladies in blogging talk about their husbands ... day after day after day.

Not that I mind it.  In fact, I find it somewhat funny at times.  What makes it difficult is commenting on their blogs without sounding like a male chauvinist.

How does one comment about a sexual evening when dealing with the opposite sex in blogging?  Oh, I guess there's the humorous remarks, but when and where does one draw the line?  

Lets be real for a minute.  If a female makes somewhat racy comments, it's funny.  Yet, by the same token, if a male makes those type of comments, all of a sudden he's a sexual pervert that only has visions of nudity and the physical act taking place.  

Watch out, here comes the blog police!!!!

It's kind of like the book 50 Shades of Grey.  If a man were to discuss this book, he would be viewed as only seeing the sex.  OMG, guys only see porn in books like this ... not the beauty of love and relationships and togetherness!  Draw your curtains, grow the hedges, and lock the doors ... a man is present!

Yet, Ellen, Oprah, and many other females openly discuss this with humor, sexual innuendoes, and extreme raciness.  

I've nothing against this book.  No, I haven't read it.  My wife doesn't shop much (Thank God!), and I've yet to build up the courage to face the old ladies at the cash register with this publication, whom judge as if the Golden Throne was a piece sitting in their living room.  Nor do I feel like lying about it and asking them, "Is this any good?  My wife has wanted to read this for the longest time."

Should I even let her read this?

To a man, it might get her in a mood that one would rather avoid. 

 (How do you know when a man is lazy?  When sex becomes work!)

Or, am I speculating about something that wouldn't happen?  

(How many years has it been?)

No worry.  There's a couple of cd's coming out today that I'd rather spend my money on.  Maybe next week ... doubtful ... but maybe next week.  I'll have to check and see what blue-rays and cd's come out then.

(I mean, after so many years, what's another week ... or month ... or year ... or decade?)

But see, now I've gone too far.  All of a sudden, there are some who are starting to feel uncomfortable.  All of a sudden, this unknown entity is becoming a ... should I say it ... a man!

Oh, The Humanities!!!   

Pack your bags, lock the doors, and run to the hills ... gender bias has come home!  

Don't worry ... my walker with wheels will only go so fast.  However, next week, the electric scooter cart arrives!  I can't wait.  Wal-Mart females, beware!   I'll be traveling at seven miles per hour ... up and down the aisles ... reaching out ... pinching and grabbing ... and laughing as the store manager chases me out the door!

Okay, so I'm not that old.  

Scared you for a minute though, didn't I?

(Or, are you disappointed?)

Yep, another typical male comment provided for your benefit.  I had to give you what you expected.  Right?

Anyway, let's take a look at the news and see what's happening around the world.

1. A crazed maniac drove his car into two other cars and then crashed through the front of a Wal-Mart in San Jose, California yesterday.  Once inside, he jumped out and started attacking shoppers and workers with a blunt instrument.  (In retaliation, the Politically Correct California State Legislature is drawing up a bill that will make all motor vehicles and blunt instruments dangerous weapons, and to be outlawed as illegal.)
2. Aurora theater shooter, James Holmes, proved he was sane by having his defense request a plea bargain for his life.  However, the prosecution has turned down this request and will pursue the death penalty.  (Looks like the dumbass finally outsmarted himself.  Only a sane man would plead for his life, so the defense just blew the insanity plea!)
3. Thirty-five teachers and administrators in Atlanta have been charged with cheating to increase their students test scores.  (This is truly showing the students that education does it’s best to see that no child gets left behind.  Students were informed about the case verbally, since most had not yet learned to read by the time they graduated high school.)
4. An Italian scientist has proclaimed that vaccines make people gay.  He claims that the chemicals prevent a child from discovering who he or she is by creating a chemical shield that blocks proper brain and personality development.  He also warns about increasing numbers of homosexuals in the future because of this.  (Bruno Tonioli, judge on Dancing With The Stars, calls this “the worst proclamation he’s ever seen as the form is wrong, the toes not pointed, and the effort inferior and extremely butch.”)
5. President Obama and family attended Easter Sunday services and were entertained by the Reverend Luis Leon making political remarks about conservatives holding on to outdated views on race, gender roles, and immigration.  (The collection plate was then passed, after Luis commented that food stamps, unopened condoms, and fake green cards would be greatly appreciated.)
6. Connecticut has become the first state to require mandatory gun registration of all guns and magazines.  (Next on the agenda, mandatory outlawing of motor vehicles and blunt instruments.)
7. Norway has been chosen as the best place for a person to retire, followed closely by Switzerland, Luxembourg, Sweden and Austria.  The United States came in 19th.  (Walkers with ski runners are much cheaper than walker with wheels and mobile scooters.  In addition, lawsuits involving elderly gentlemen grabbing customers as they drive up and down the aisles of smaller Norwegian department stores are minimal.)

And that’s going to do it for this week’s Rambling Tuesday!

Keep your chin(s) up, the smile huge, and donations coming!

Anyone got an extra copy of 50 Shades Of Grey?

God, Basketball, and Finish The Sentence Friday

I'm supposed to be writing a Finish the Sentence Friday offering. 

Instead, I'm watching a basketball game.

March Madness affects many people throughout the United States.  It is especially severe in those that have alma maters still in the contest. 

I attended Indiana University.  Throughout the season, they've been ranked as high as #1 for several weeks at a time.  Now, they're playing in the Sweet Sixteen against Syracuse.  My attention is seriously diverted.

I am experiencing emotional anger, glee, frustration, and hope … 

in a three to four second rotation.  It is Hell.

At the time of this writing, Indiana is not doing well.  They seem to have a difficult time putting the ball in the hoop, which is the primary goal of the game.  My anger continues.

Many wives, who are not into sporting contests, tend to believe that men watching sports is a complete waste of time.  Not so.  In fact, if you, as a wife, are in need of some quiet time to accomplish some of the things you've always wanted to do, there is no time like the present. We promise not to disturb you in the least.

My wife is working at this time.  

I hope she doesn't come home before the game is over.

It isn't that I don't love my wife.  After 33 years together, we have grown somewhat close.  She tends to tick me off at times, as I'm sure I do her, but we've learned to keep things in perspective.  That is, as long as she doesn't bother me during a college basketball game.

Not if she wishes to live to see another day.

I have killed chairs, hassocks, a lamp, and even an end table in the past during these events.  My cats, Faletame and Gabriela, have learned to seek solitude in the kitchen during games.  My wife, who should be easier to train, still doesn't get it.  She's a little slow, or perhaps, she just doesn't care.  She doesn't realize how close to death she may be.

When the referees are as bad as they are tonight in this game, especially when it comes to not calling fouls (easily seen) against Syracuse, my anger boils.  Not only is your team playing against their opponent, they're playing against the refs.  It's a hopeless situation for your team.  And one gets angrier and angrier.

It is not a time to hear about how some co-worker's kid at work had a bad day with the teacher, how all day was spent resetting the cosmetics, or how she almost bought something at the grocery store and had a really tough time deciding before putting it back.

Suddenly, the wife starts to look like one of the referees.  Her purple polo becomes black and white striped, and her voice as shrill as a whistle. 

Where's my gun?

Anyway, it's Finish the Sentence Friday blog hop time.  No, not finish the prison sentence, but the sentence, or prompt, that our hostesses provide us.   Hostesses?  Yes, hostesses!  These fine folks!

Today's prompt is ….

”If I could hang out with any celebrity, it would be…”

First, before I answer that, let's look at the definition of a celebrity:"one who is famous" according to The New International Webster's Standard Dictionary.   That's it.  No bylines.  No more descriptions.  Just "one who is famous."

If that's the case, let me say that the celebrity that I'd most like to hang with would be

GOD!

I would say that God is famous, wouldn't you?

So, let's say God and I could get together one afternoon.  The first thing that would need to be decided is what I could call him.

"Hey (Big Guy, Main Man, Kind and Gentle Omnipotency,  Your Holiness,  Super Wiz, Dad, Impregnator Divine, Burning Bush Talker, Sir), what's happening?"

Of course, with him knowing all, that could be a question that could take a millennium to answer.

"So, since we got some time together, what do you want to do?"

Something tells me, God is a basketball fan and probably wants to watch the rest of the game like I do.  Still, he knows the outcome already, so he may decide on something else.

"Want to go create another world somewhere?"

I have a feeling that would probably take more than the week's vacation time I'd have available, so we might pass on that one.

"How about we just sit and talk a while and you can tell me how you make some decisions?  Yes, I know I'm not supposed to question you or your wisdom.  But, you've got to lighten up the rules a little today … just for me … okay?"

So, what would I ask God?

1. What really came first, the chicken or the egg?
2. If man has been given common sense, why does he pay others tell him how to run his life?
3. What really happened to the guy from Nantucket?
4. Why do some people drive 45 mph in the fast lane on the interstate?
5. Why do women always say, "I don't care" when you ask them a question?
6. Why are I.R.S. auditors and proctologists so much alike?  (The deeper they search the more they find and the more it hurts.)
7. Why is Sunday the first day of the week on all calendars, but the last day of the weekend?
8. How do you know if you've found the end of the rainbow or the beginning?
9. Why do Subway's "meal deals" total the same as if you bought everything at full price separately?
10. If the people of religion demand world peace, why do the politicians continually start religious wars?
11. Why do people think their car's glass windows keep people from seeing them pick their noses?
12. How come men pick the new pope instead of him?
13. Who ever came up with the concept of a bunny hiding eggs at Easter?
14. How many vacancies are left in Heaven?

and, after tonight, the main one on my mind ….

Why are basketball referees blind on one end of the court 

and have 20/20 vision on the other? 

Is it because the network pays them to set up match ups 

that will bring in big time ratings?

Maybe we should be more like the Chinese and the way they treat their refs...

I'm sure God would get a chuckle out of that one.  I'm also sure he's not letting any referees into Heaven … and it serves them right!  

Anyway,  it would be kind of cool to hang out with the Big Guy for a week or so, although I don't imagine he'd have many smoking sections up there.  (I understand most of the smoke comes from the fires in another place.)  Although he'd have to admit, smoking definitely helped him populate the upper level quicker.

We could talk about important things, like:

• Should the cast of Duck Dynasty really get $200,000 an episode?
• How many laughs does he get from Politically Correct supporters?
• Why doesn't he get pissed off when minority complaints keep the Christ out of Christmas?
• Where's our 40 virgins at after we die?
• Why are there ten hot dogs in a package and only eight buns in the other?
• Why are there boy groups in Pop Music?
• Why doesn't the Geico lizard ever shed his skin?
• Was the Earth his first world created, or did he try elsewhere and messed it up?
• If all men are equal, where do Cajuns and NYC Sportswriters fit in?

and

"Why can dogs lick themselves and we..." 

(…. okay, maybe not that one!)

I'm sure we'd each be a little happier when the visit was over.  I could go back to doing what I do and God could go back to doing his miracle stuff.  

And maybe … just maybe … if we're all real good, next year he might even create a batch of college basketball referees that could call a damn game halfway right!!!!!!!

Amen!

Rambling Tuesday #2

Public Domain

It's time to ramble.

I just wrote an entire rambling blog about politicians that is sitting unpublished.

Why?

Because most of the people that read my blogs are not politically excited.

Actually, neither am I.

In fact, politics, as a topic, is rather boring.  Politicians do the same things, over and over, and believe that they are creating a show for the entertainment of all the voters.  The sad thing is ... none are being properly judged.

What if politicians were judged in accordance with the rules of television shows?

Can you see politicians ending an appearance, or speech, and being immediately graded by a panel of three or four judges?  No, not news analysts that make a living spreading even more El Toro defecation.  But, let's say that these judges were just ordinary people, like you or I.  People that actually had some brains, could see through the B.S., and properly analyzed what the politician had said.  Wouldn't that be a change?

Take, for instance, the recent discovery of how much money Vice President Biden spent for only two nights stay in Europe.

Public Domain

Judge #1 -  Cissy, the Blogger Goddess:

"Vice President Biden ... you say that your night in London was a public relations journey.  If so, how come most of the citizens of the United States never even heard about your overnight stay?  Isn't a good will tour supposed to be advertised so that people actually know that you're doing something besides sitting in your hotel room watching porno flicks?   Was that night really worth spending over $400,000 of the taxpayers money on the hotel.  That's a lot of those little drink bottles, wouldn't you say?  Sorry, you get a score of "2" for your efforts."

Library of Congress, Prints and Photographs Division,
 Photochrom Prints Collection

Judge #2  -  Bobby Joe Jenkins, the Redneck CPA:

"Vice President Biden ... are you serious?  You don't even speak French, yet you have the audacity to spend almost $600,000 for one night in Paris!!!  That's one hell of an expensive hooker!  Besides, who cares about the French?  Just a few years ago, we were calling French Fries "Freedom Fries" because the French wouldn't fake a war with us to go after Iraqi oil reserves that Chaney wanted.  And now, you're paying them outrageous sums of money to spend the night in a hotel room?  Damn it, man, don't you have a bed on the jet?  No way, Jose, I can't give you more than a score of "1" for this shamble!"

Judge #3  -  Flashinthepan, the Rapper:

"Hey V.P, now you listen to me,  

you can't spend my money on porno TV,

if ya gonna go to Europe to see the sights,

ya gotta find discounts where ya spend the nights.

Ya beat my record spending cash you see,

two nights overseas, cost over a million to me.

Yo dummy, don't do this sh*t no more,

Coz ya stupid all ya gets is a "1" for a score!"

If the politicians couldn't average at least an average accountability score of "7", out they go.  And, if either political party failed to have a total average score of at least "6", out the whole party goes.  Perhaps that would keep special interest voting to a minimum, and more concern on taking care of those that voted them into office in the forefront!

But, I just went political blog on you, didn't I?

Sorry ... I said I wasn't going to do that.  My apologies.

I know, I get a "5" for making an honest effort at explanations, plus "2" bonus points for honesty.  At least I'm still in the running.

I wonder how many politicians really run?  Not for office (because that's really not running, is it?  My friend Clark has wondered about that for years.), but actually put on the jogging shoes and hit the street.

Do you?

I remember the days when I ran five miles in the morning and five miles in the afternoon.  I preceded each run with Jumping Jacks, 50 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, and 100 four count toe touches.  I had a body that was trim, six packed, and energetic.

Makes me tired just typing about it now.

I've recently started walking at least two miles, twice a day.  The Winter wind makes one's pace quicken somewhat.  I'd like to say that it gives me time to think.  However, the only thing I'm thinking about is getting it over so that I can get back inside where it's warm.  If I continue this throughout the Summer, I imagine the only thing I'll think about is getting back inside of an air conditioned building where it's cool.

So much for thinking!

Perhaps thinking is over rated.  Much like the Big East Conference was in the NCAA Men's Basketball Tourney.

Other news items this week:

1. The $338 million dollar Powerball jackpot was won by an immigrant from the Dominican Republic that had to speak to reporters in Spanish.  (Maybe now he'll have enough money to learn how to speak the native language of the country he calls home.)
2. Wal-Mart has sued workers and their union for protesting for better working conditions.  The company says it disrupts working processes.  (In other words, get back to the sweat shop and stop bitching.  Otherwise, we'll let you go to Dollar Tree and see how you like working there.)
3. It's been discovered that 1 in 4 car seats are being used incorrectly.  This has resulted in it becoming a major factor in causing car deaths in children between 1 and 13 years of age.  (You gotta be kidding!  What 13 year old ever gets put in a car seat?  "Yo, mom, let's go to the doctor's office so I can get my birth control pills ... and, are you sure my car seat is fitting properly?")
4. 28 prisoners are now participating in a hunger strike at Guantanamo Bay.  They are protesting more cell searches and security cameras that record their every move.  (O'bama has hinted that if this progresses, the money saved on food may be used to start up the White House tours again.)
5. A 75 year tradition of having toll takers will end for the Golden Gate Bridge as they go 

   

   http://www.projectrich.com/gallery

   completely to electronic toll takers.  (Now, the $6 toll will be taken completely electronically via pre-paid ticket or by charging your license plate.  So, if you haven't been to California and you receive a bill in the mail, just remember, the Rice-A-Roni police are everywhere!)

Well, that's going to do it for this week's rambling.  My brain is dry, and so is my throat.  Hopefully, will see you next week!  Till then,

Ramble On, My Friend!

FTSF: The Wheelie and Walker With Wheels

God, is it Friday already?

Getting older is Hell!

It is becoming clear that I can no longer live on only 4 hours of sleep a night.  I’m frustrated that this stage of my life has arrived.

Now, I have to waste at least 6 hours a night to feel good the next day.

Otherwise, my walker with wheels gets too heavy to roll down the hill.

No, I really don’t have a walker with wheels.  I’ve thought about getting one, just so people don’t get mad at me when I park in handicapped parking spaces.

No, although I’ve been tempted many times, I really don’t park in handicapped parking spaces.  That was just an attempt at a witty remark.

However, I usually notice those who do.  It tends to irritate me to see people, or teenagers, who are not handicapped, park in these spaces.  

Yesterday, I watched six teenagers exit a car parked in one of these spaces.  It was evident none of them were handicapped.   I also noticed they were so bold that they had failed to raise up one of the windows.

Once again, I was tempted.  I considered reaching inside to steal the blue placard hanging from the mirror that allowed the teenagers to park in the space legally.  I began to justify the act more and more.

But then I wondered, “What if they stole the car?  

I mean, what if they stole the car simply because it had a handicapped placard hanging from the mirror, and they knew they could get a great parking space at the mall?  To do such a thing would obviously be the act of some desperate criminals.  What if they were the type to shoot me if they came out and caught me stealing the placard?”

Is stealing a handicapped placard from a bunch of maniacal teenagers worth dying for?

So, instead, I grabbed a half empty 32 oz. cup of Mountain Dew that had been sitting in my cup holder for a couple of days, loosened the lid, walked by their car, and dropped the cup in the driver’s seat.

I felt much better.  Plus, I had gotten rid of the cup of Mountain Dew before it had seeped out of the soaked cup into my cup holder.

I like being efficient.

Today is FTSF once again.  

If you don’t know what FTSF is, it’s “Fondle Toto’s Slimy Fur” day!

Okay, it’s really not that.   It’s “Find The Single Female” day!

Just joking.  FTSF stands for “Fibbers Tell Stories Forever” day!

One more time …

It’s Finish The Sentence Friday!

This is the day our hostesses

provide us a prompt and we finish the line with a phenomenal story about one of our past lives.  We might travel back into the land of the dinosaurs … the era of the gladiators … the conquering of the Wild West … or the castration of real men decade (formerly known as the 80’s).

Today’s prompt is: 

”One time when I was bored out of my mind, I…

(This is where we’re supposed to finish it … so get ready … )

Are you ready, yet?

How about now?

Okay, here we go …

One time when I was bored out of my mind, 

I decided to be totally creative in a different manner.  

The problem was figuring out the different manner!

So, I sat back in my favorite recliner, put my feet up, and decided that I needed to think about it a while.

Suddenly, I was back in my childhood.  I had my bike, a Stingray (big handlebars, banana seat, and small wheels) atop a tremendous hill.  I had just got it, and was ready to try my first wheelie!  The anticipation of roaring down the hill at full speed was tremendous.

This was going to be 
my moment!

I pushed off and headed down the hill.  Faster and faster I pedaled.  The wind was thundering in my ears as I reached Mach 5 speed.  I could no longer pedal with any effectiveness.  There was no resistance from my efforts as the bike was traveling at the speed of light.

Now was the time.

I pulled up and back at the handlebars.  The front wheel rose off the road without any problem … higher and higher!  I was doing a wheelie!

I just wish someone would of told me there is a point where you want to balance out your weight instead of continuing to pull backwards.

When one is traveling at the speed of light, and the back wheel of the bike suddenly shoots in front of the front wheel, the human body finds itself with no where to sit … except the road.   That would have been a nice option.

Instead, my feet were the first part of me to hit the road.  The motion of the bike pulled me forward into a prone position as my stomach and knees were dragged down a blacktop road by a bike that I refused to let go of.  

Now, being dragged down a road on one’s stomach is not the greatest way to end one’s first attempt at doing a wheelie.  However, I didn’t have much choice in the matter.

Three miles later, the bike finally came to a rest.  That was when I first noticed another first in my life.  It was the first time I’d ever had the wind knocked out of me.  

Very similar to the type of road the accident occurred on,
except there was much more hot tar bubbling in the hot sun.

Bleeding from multiple tar covered gravel blacktop rock cuts, I rose and started coughing.  Where was the air that was supposed to be inside my body?  I gasped and wheezed and finally located from where it had been hiding.  

What the Hell?  
I was doing 

a wheelie, not playing 

Hide And Seek!

It was then the pain set in.  Cut from my chin, down my torso, and ending at my knees, I will admit, the kid in me decided that crying might be the thing to do.  If nothing else, perhaps the tears would soothe the burning I was experiencing from all the cuts.

Of course, upon getting home, my father’s primary concern was the condition of the bike.  He was somewhat upset over a few of the scratches it had received in the melee, but I guess he figured that his words were punishment enough … along with the 1700 rock cuts I’d sustained.

Do you have any idea how much 1700 rock cuts can hurt 

when being washed out with alcohol?

It was then when I awoke in the recliner.  Why I had dreamed about this childhood experience was beyond me.  I had never thought about it since it had occurred.  Yet, once again, I had experienced it as if it had happened only yesterday.

Oh, and I never did figure out how to be totally creative in a different manner.

But, I did catch a nice nap!