With the demand for reality television programming greater than ever before, producers are constantly on the look out for ideas that will pull in audiences. Since many have proven that the more stupid the show the more of an audience share it will pull in, here are some ideas for future evenings of non-thinking idiocy.
1) Shoplifting for Dollars
This show will give America's greatest shoplifters an opportunity to show their talents by dropping them off at an unknown department store and giving them twenty minutes to see what they can come out with. Points will be given for size of items, value of items, and number of items. Show will run season after season, giving men, women, children, and the elderly opportunities to participate. Season champions will be allowed to keep all merchandise stolen, while all others will automatically be guest contestants on our next show.
2) Police Department Tales From The Booking Desk
This promises to be filled with violence, comedy and touching stories from those who don't believe the belong in jail. See fights break out when drunks and meth users refuse to have fingers inked and pictures taken. Hear celebrities bitch and moan about their celebrity immunity as their body cavities are searched by Bubba's with very thick and calloused fingers. And, sit back and laugh as mugger after mugger pleads their innocence to public defenders who could care less about them. From shoplifters to murderers, Police Department Tales From The Booking Desk promises to supply you with a thrill a minute, or at least one per episode.
3) Wise Cracks / Butt Cracks
"Big crack, Big crack, who has the biggest butt crack???" Follow our butt crack expert, Harry Cheaks, as he surprises plumbers, cable installers, and Mexican roofers around the country to find out who has the biggest butt crack. Entrants will be judged on size of crack, grossness of crack, and if any portion of the crack is covered by underwear or not. An extra 50 points will be given if any of those selected are caught by the hidden camera scratching their ass while eating lunch or picking their noses.
4) Stalker Stalker, Where's The Stalker?
Feel like you're being watched. Well, you just might be! Funny thing is it's not just one person doing the watching, but millions of viewers watching intensely. The tension builds as we follow a stalker around the back of your house and film what really goes on inside of your bedroom. Pull out the vibrators and put in new batteries as we guarantee we'll be right alongside your favorite stalker as they watch you pleasure yourself. And, be careful what you're reading as you sit on the stool as we observe your habits from the bathroom window. Whether it be "50 Shades of Gray" or "How to Increase Self Pleasure", be with us as we visit you in Sunday School and announce our findings in front of the entire congregation! Could it be you this week? Or, you? Or, you? Only your stalker knows for sure!
5) Gyno Wino
This promises a half hour of solid laughter as women go in for their gyno examinations and find a drunken doctor waiting. Will they proceed or will they run? Will they enjoy the hand that shakes incessantly, or will the feet leave the stirrups when wine douches are mentioned? Sit down the kids and invite the neighbors to this weekly laugh fest. But be careful. You never know what doctor we'll be visiting next! Shave, wax or go natural, just remember your neighbors will see you in a different light from this day forward!
1) Shoplifting for Dollars This show will give America's greatest shoplifters an opportunity to show their talents by dropping them off at an unknown department store and giving them twenty minutes to see what they can come out with. Points will be given for size of items, value of items, and number of items. Show will run season after season, giving men, women, children, and the elderly opportunities to participate. Season champions will be allowed to keep all merchandise stolen, while all others will automatically be guest contestants on our next show.
2) Police Department Tales From The Booking Desk
3) Wise Cracks / Butt Cracks "Big crack, Big crack, who has the biggest butt crack???" Follow our butt crack expert, Harry Cheaks, as he surprises plumbers, cable installers, and Mexican roofers around the country to find out who has the biggest butt crack. Entrants will be judged on size of crack, grossness of crack, and if any portion of the crack is covered by underwear or not. An extra 50 points will be given if any of those selected are caught by the hidden camera scratching their ass while eating lunch or picking their noses.
4) Stalker Stalker, Where's The Stalker?
and last but not least ...
5) Gyno Wino
This promises a half hour of solid laughter as women go in for their gyno examinations and find a drunken doctor waiting. Will they proceed or will they run? Will they enjoy the hand that shakes incessantly, or will the feet leave the stirrups when wine douches are mentioned? Sit down the kids and invite the neighbors to this weekly laugh fest. But be careful. You never know what doctor we'll be visiting next! Shave, wax or go natural, just remember your neighbors will see you in a different light from this day forward!
There are, of course, many other possibilities, but those may be posted in the future.
Just remember,
"Cameras are Everywhere!"
Shoplifting for Dollars...how has that not been made already?
ReplyDeleteHey Lillian! Thanks for stopping in! I'm shocked that no one's picked up on it either. One would think with all the teenage gangs around these days that they'd have at least given it a shot. lol Many Thanks!
DeleteI could go for some of those tales from the Booking Desk. Nothing makes you feel better about your own life like watching society's worst.
ReplyDeleteStarr - Really good to see you dropping by! I think Huffpost keeps us informed of what this program could be if we'd only set up for it. I'm sure police stations generally have video going all the time. All we need is an announcer and a roaming camera crew and who knows, an award in the making. Many Thanks!
DeleteI freaking love all these ideas and would so watch all of them. There has to be some network out there that will make this reality, into a reality, like Fox or E!
ReplyDeleteMJM - So good to see you back, my friend! I thought you'd be able to appreciate these. I've been doing hops so long, I had to prove to myself that there was still some extreme still in me. I'm thinking since Lifetime is the host of Honey Boo Boo, they'd be a prime candidate for this family viewing. Who knows? It might even be a break program for CNN or Fox News, the way they're going. Many Thanks!
DeleteThese sound better than 99% of what is on TV. The crack reminds me of an old Saturday Night Live skit with Dan Akroyd, the refrigerator repair man. Funny then, funny now! Will you be making a cameo?
ReplyDeleteJoy - Love that you stopped in for these! No cameos in the future on any of the shows, although I think it would freak everyone out if I dropped in on Gyno Wino! lol I'm not a real fan of any TV show at this time. When I'm home alone, usually it's either a movie or sports as a background noise as I do something else. I'm currently recording all of The Walking Dead series, which does have its moments. I didn't remember the Ackroyd bit until you mentioned it. SNL was definitely a leader back then. Shame it went downhill. Many Thanks!
DeleteOh my. Heaven help us if you are ever in charge of network TV. Although the shoplifting one would be pretty cool to see if someone smuggled a TV under their sweater. Just imagine the Wal-Mart photos
ReplyDeleteKerri - I didn't know if you'd make it to this one or not. I've done so many hops in the last few months, I had to prove to myself that I could still come up with an original idea every once in a while. lol Oh, if I were in charge, the changes would be tremendous. I think one of the first things I'd do is to do away with all reality television, as it is only advertising under a false premise. Most know that there are scripts written for all of these shows, so there's really no reality involved. Years ago, when I was in a desperate strait, I took a part time job at a Wal-Mart, working from 11 pm to 5 am, to go along with the full time job I had. One night, a really fat woman, in a big sack dress, made it through the registers and almost out the front door before a small flat screen TV dropped from between her legs. Most of the cashiers didn't know to charge her, hold her for the authorities, or simply pay her for the entertainment of the evening! lol Many Thanks!
DeleteLizzi - Oh, so I do a little something extreme and all of a sudden you're shocked??? lol Thought I'd throw you a different creature this time. I think that's the shortest comment I've ever seen your write! :) What can I say but, "Oh dear!" Many Thanks!
ReplyDelete