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| Ten Things Of Thankful Link-Up |
I know, you're wishing I were as incompetent as the employees, aren't you?
(Aww, c'mon, you know you missed me! No?
Not just a little?)
Anyway, even though Lizzi's whip hasn't been able to find me as of late, I feel somewhat obligated to her to participate once again. Lizzi really is an angel in disguise. Unfortunately, the disguise is so good, all you usually see is the disguise!
See, Lizzi, I did say something nice about you for a change. I figure the next time that's due is in 2017, so please, put down your whip and breathe normally as holding your breath until that time could be hazardous to your health.
As I look back on the past week, I have to say that I've much to be thankful. Can't say exactly what it is, but I'm still around to try to find something, so I guess that could count. There are weeks where you wonder if it wouldn't be better not to be around, but, then again, if you weren't around, you wouldn't be able to wonder. So, perhaps, wondering is a good thing!
God, am I rambling today or am I rambling?
Anyway, let's proceed to the Ten Things Of Thankful listing for this week. Again, I have absolutely no idea where this is going, so let's just give it a shot and see where we end up at!
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| Please don't look! I Gotta Do What I Gotta Do!!! |
In fact, imagine not being able to scratch an itch. It would have to be the worst thing to experience. Kind of like when you're in public and one of your private parts starts itching. You want to scratch it, but you know everyone's watching. So, you hunt out a clothing store, embed yourself in a rack of clothes, and coyly take care of the itch. It really feels great, doesn't it? Just remember, you're on camera and need to leave quickly before security can be summoned!
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| If You'll Open Just A Little Wider, You Might Get A Surprise That Will Light You Up Like A Firecracker! |
Anyway, I've continued my efforts to curb this barking by lighting a couple of firecrackers and tossing them in the back of my yard every time the little suckers starts it's off key serenade. It's amazing how well they work!
3) I'm thankful that vampires can't fly at 75 mph. Driving home from visiting my father in Indiana for his 80th birthday, I opened up the moonroof in my Ridgeline and turned on the heater full blast. I got the fresh air while keeping warm, and was able to enjoy the moon and stars above. All the way home, I wondered if vampires could fly at 75 mph and sneak in the moonroof opening. If so, I'd have been in trouble. Obviously, since I made it home safely, they cannot. I'm very thankful for that as I've seen enough of Kristen Stewart to last me a lifetime!
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| This Is Where The Turn Signal Is Located! Now That You Know, Please Use It!!! |
5) I'm thankful for $2000 cars with $10,000 stereo systems. Car thieves love to find these rust buckets sitting on the side of the road broken down. Within a short time, thousands of dollars of stereo equipment can be taken and later sold for profit. This not only helps the economy, as no $10,000 stereo owner can do without their bass banging for long and have to replace it, but takes up the time of the car thieves, making less time available for them to find and steal my car. (See! You didn't think they had any benefit, did you?)
6) I'm thankful for Spider Solitaire. This is a game that is on most computers. I became addicted to it many years ago, and wish I could count the number of times I've indulged in it. Generally, my attentions are diverted to the medium level (so I can win every two or three games out of four), but I do venture into the the realm of the most difficult level when I'm depressed and want to feel sorry for myself. Losing twenty games in a row helps me cope with this depression, as I suddenly realize that there's a way to succeed, and I go back down to the medium level again. (Okay, Okay! I know ... get a life Rich ... get a life!)
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| It's Gonna Take One Hell Of A Sprinkler System To Get It Watered Properly! |
8) I'm thankful for the excuses that "mind doctors" have provided the public for years. For every incident, these masters of the unknown spout their excuses for violent and excessive behavior, eliminating the personal accountability factor. Why worry about doing something wrong if you can find a viable excuse that will keep you out of prison? These constant validations allow those considering an act of such to find an excuse to continue through, instead of acknowledging their personal accountability of knowing the difference between right and wrong. As long as we allow excuses to validate, these acts will continue to be the norm, instead of the exception. (Makes life exciting, doesn't it?)
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| What do you mean you're not home? Do we have to go to the playground to get candy? |
10) I'm thankful for all the great readers that left comments the last time I wrote for TToT! Seriously, everyone that commented actually caught my "Thoughtful" comment about reading instead of skimming. Great comments were made by just about everyone. It really makes it much easier to answer these comments when something has been written that makes sense. I appreciate that tremendously, as any writer does! To you, I can only say, "Thank You" from the bottom of my heart.
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So that's it! Another week of TToT all done. Please visit the other writers in this hop and give them as much attention as you have mine. We all need your loving! (After 33 years of marriage, it's about all the loving I get!)
CIAO!
Most folks think the little dogs are the barkers and I suppose that may be true however mine only barks when I come home. Ive actually given friends the keys to my house and they have been sitting in the living room for an hour before I get there and say "THere's a dog in this house?" when I ask if they know where the dog got to...I am a total kvetch about people who do not use directionals... nuff said...USE IT!...I am also a shrink who subscribes to the idea of personal responsibility... doesn't always make me popular with folks but you know what I always say.... "You can always see someone else."
ReplyDeleteZoe - So good of you to stop in! Ah, the dog behind me is the rat dog type. We never hear him bark inside the house, but as soon as they slide open their back door glass, he begins ... never to stop while he's outside. It makes keeping the windows open difficult. Many of the neighbors complain about it, but still out it comes, three times a day for at least 15-25 minute excursions. I've been complimented over the firecrackers as it's a legal way to get the point across and give us some peace and quiet. You and I are alike in our thoughts about those who don't use turn signals, for sure. I applaud you and your staying away from what seems to be the norm these days. As soon as a violent act occurs, there are psychologists all over the television providing excuses. I envision a mixed up youth, seeing and relating to these excuses, and validating his plans to go forward. Although a Forensic Studies major in college, my minor was psychology. Yes, we wanted to know the "whys", but we never forgot to maintain the line between right and wrong when discussing the situations. I sincerely believe that many blur that line simply to get a stint as a specialist on television, so they can boost their standing in the community (and raise their rates). However, by blurring the lines, they have made them seen unimportant to the personal accountability facet, thus more occur now than ever before. If I were in need, I'd see you! :) Many Thanks!
DeleteLizzi - Thanks so much for coming by. I'm going to have to do my blog visiting tomorrow night. The drivers of the big cars simply have attitudes. I once had a partner in business that would say, "I don't have to use them. It's like asking permission to do something I'm going to do whether they like it or not." Can you say egocentric, boys and girls? The firecrackers work well as I can light them and explode them on my own property. By doing so, no laws are broken and no attack on the animal can be claimed. But, it's effectiveness is tremendous! Loved the video! I guess you might say that the fish was suffering from dry scales. Ah, 2017 will be here before you know it. Just have a little patience and all will be fine. In other words, "Holster the whip, my dear!" :) Many Thanks!
ReplyDeleteMy parents used to have a miniature poodle who would go into bark mode for no reason at all - and stay there!
ReplyDeleteIf it wasn't for the fact that it ended up under the wheels of a lorry (we still wonder whether Dad was really deaf that day!), I'm sure her life wouldn't have lasted much longer, if the neighbours had their way!
Katy - Thanks so for stopping by! I'm just curious, does a miniature poodle get discounts when it gets its hair styled? I mean, you know, like "kid's" discounts for human children, because of their size. Oh well, thanks to your dad (a man I suddenly begin to admire greatly) we'll never know! :) I can really handle a big dog barking much better than the yip, yip, yipping of a rat dog. Don't know why, but it's true. Terrible ending of the story though, especially for the mini poodle. I'm sure the neighbors grieved greatly (when around your mother). lol Many Thanks!
DeleteAs it happens, my grown-up husband is destined to hand out candy to the little kids, while I get to walk around with our little ones.. Maybe he'd been playing the "I'm not home" game while we were out.. That'll explain the masses of candy left over after each Halloween.
ReplyDeleteLove your measure to quiet the yelper.. I hope his owners won't sue you for the wiener dog psychiatrist he will have to hire though ;-)
Have a great weekend, Rich! I'm off playing some Spider Solitair (or Mahjongg), thanks for reminding me!!!!!
Stephanie - If your husband needs any hiding pointers, I'm the master. And, I must warn him that if he decides to go see a movie, see one that will keep him awake. I went to see "Doom" about ten years ago and fell deep asleep. Now, there was only one other couple and myself in the whole place, and I'm being awakened by an employee and being asked to please stop snoring. I turned to see the couple, and would you believe they tried to act like they didn't have anything to do with it!!!!???? I'm hoping that the dog has a heart attack one night and dies a peaceful death to the sound of the 4th of July explosions. lol Enjoy the Spider Solitaire! I'm hooked! Many Thanks!
DeleteFirst off, thankful that you do have your internet back and it was a year ago that we were without from Sandy this week and god I don't ever want to have to go through that again. Seriously, I rely on the internet and am actually making some descent money now. But still, the whole experience was just awful and if I never have to go through another hurricane again I would be happy. However, I loved you list and you never disappoint. Just so thankful for you Rich and you humor, because I don't know how I did without before I met you!! Happy Weekend my friend!! :)
ReplyDeleteJanine - Deja Vu! Good to see you again today! The year has passed us by so quickly, hasn't it? I remember many of the power outages along the Gulf Coast when hurricanes came through. Down there, we had the 100 degree heat to deal with, which was just as bad to deal with in the Summer. I think I went through 5 of them in the 14 years I spent there. Hopefully, you guys will only have the memories to remind you of Nature's fury. Thanks for always being there, Janine! Greatly appreciated!
Delete6, 8, 9 & 10
ReplyDelete…totally*
(this is my Commenting brain before caffeine…)
(cue the swelling background music…wavy video….)
OK! all set, no! don't worry it's alight that I typed semi-nonsense words… I needed the finger exercise to get limbered up. No, you're welcome! Think nothing of it…
btw, thanks for getting back on the TToT circuit, where would Topo Gigo be if there wasn't a plate-balancing act to get the audience in the mood? (Hey remember when the Russian ballet made their debut and in the middle of the act someone made a semi-rude noise, and Ed was all 'who the hell said that!!'.)
OK waked up enough, I think.
dude, thanks for the opp to wake up before I stumble back to the Doctrine and figure out what my sub-conscious** has in store for everyone this week.
* as we used to say
** sub-conscious (our motto: "...forget anything? no! no! we're just saving it up for when you least expect it!")
Clark, my friend, it feels strange to wish you a Good Morning when it's 9 p.m. Perhaps, I should join you for a cup and wake up as my day has drained me of most of what is left of my senses after a day without legal drugs. (Yes, I played it clean today. Got to do that every now and then just to prove I can. lol) I have never been compared to Topo Gigio before. "Awwwww Clarkie .... That's so cooool!" (And "No", I'm not gonna ask for a kiss!) So, by now you're awake, and ten posts written for the future. What if there is no tomorrow? Would you have wasted all that time, or could you smile with the self satisfaction of knowing you completed them? (Like yourself, I sometimes wonder where this sh*t comes from!) Could it be the Sub-conscious? Or, .... oh, the hell with it! :) Many Thanks!
DeleteI am glad they've found out about the Amazon too, Rich. Would make the politicians focus on something else than themselves for a change!
ReplyDeleteMichelle - I think we're just fooling ourselves to ever expect anything different out of those that think they rule the day. They can't think their thoughts straight long enough to make a speech without stuttering, little lone accomplish anything. I remember when I was young and wanted to be a politician so I could change the world. Luckily, I changed paths. The reality of the false facade simply came to light and I decided screwing over others to make myself look good wasn't the way I wanted to live. C'est le Vie! Many Thanks!
DeleteAww Rich, so happy to see you linking up again! It is always such a pleasure and so much fun to read your out-of-the-ordinary lists!
ReplyDeleteItching and scratching is something that should be on everybody's list, come to think of it!
I also loved the paragraph about the turn lights because it showed me that this is obviously an international issue!
Please come back again next week!
Joy - It's so good to be here with you! Hopefully, Windstream will keep the Internet flowing here and I won't have to leave again. Out of the ordinary? Why, Joy, I only try to write about the things that I feel most have to deal with! lol The turn lights is a pet peeve of mine. It's complete inconsideration of others on the road to not use them. I see more and more people with cell phones in their left hand glued to their left ear, and a complete inability to use the turn signal. Drives me crazy!!! lol Will do my best to return! Glad you enjoy! Many Thanks!
DeleteGood to see the whip put up ... at least until you and hubby decide to bring it out for an evening of ... well, whatever you enjoy! You do have to be careful as the leather outfits and such will chafe the skin. The firecracker thing ... well .. it took a while to perfect. I'm still having to avoid the daggers that come from the eyes of the dog's owner, but really, it keeps me on my toes. Facts: It's not illegal to set them off on your own property, at no time do I aim them at the dog, and three, at no time do I light them after 11 p.m. as city regs forbid it. Of course, the old lady's asleep by then, so it works out fine! I figure if I don't like a barking dog, then I should provide her with something to dislike in return. Tis so much better to give than to receive. Ah, the true meaning of joy! lol Many Thanks!
ReplyDeleteI'm familiar with a turn signal (and I use it regularly), but I didn't know about the 3-flash turn signal. I'll pretend that my ignorance is due to the age of my car, so please don't tell me that cars have had them since the turn of the century, OK?
ReplyDeleteKristi - Thanks so much for stopping in! I plan on getting around reading everyone's post as soon as I get caught up on all these comments. You guys are great! The three flash turn signal is the ultimate in laziness! I guess it's there to make life easy, as well as keep some people from driving down the interstate in the left lane with the left hand turn signal flashing endlessly. lol It's only been out a couple of years, so don't fret, you're next NEW car will have one, I'm sure! You're about due for one, right? Really appreciate you commenting! Many Thanks!
DeleteDitto what Kristi said.
ReplyDeleteDon't know that I agree with the scratching the itch thing. And not just the hiding in the clothing racks part. Sure, the scratching may feel good for a bit, but as soon as you stop scratching, the itchiness is back even worse than before!
And now my entire body feels itchy. Thanks. :)
I'm not a fan of little yappy dogs, either. My MIL has two of them, and I have to endure their barking in the house at all hours of the day and night. We have two outside dogs who bark all night every night, but I sleep right through it most of the time. Fortunately, we live out in the middle of nowhere, so they don't keep anyone up. I wouldn't blame a neighbor, though, if he used firecrackers to get them to shut up.
So glad you joined us again. Perhaps next week you'll join simply because you want to. :)
Christine - Ditto what I said to Kristi! lol But, you know there are times you just gotta do it ... itch, that is! You may not want to, but you just got to! It may not be a rash or anything like that, just an itch that won't stop. Tell me you've never used a door frame as a back scratcher. Like when you've been sitting at the computer too long and you get that one spot in the middle of your back that your fingers just can't get to. You try the chair, but it doesn't quite do it. So, up you go, right to the door frame. We all gotta do it! Now, doesn't that feel good? :) OMG, you had to say that, didn't you? "...because you want to." Now, if I don't come back, I look like the bad guy that didn't want to be a part of this. I can hear the gossip now! lol I seem to be giving you a hard time today. Sorry, it's all in jest. I actually thought of you and your family the other day driving back from my father's 80th birthday. We were headed back to Ky, on hwy 37 (headed towards 27), and I said to my wife, "I've got a blogging buddy that lives somewhere in the Southern part of the state." She didn't seem impressed, I think she said something like, "You've got people you know all over the place", so the topic dropped. I'm still a Hoosier at heart as I love that landscape. Many Thanks!
DeleteWe have dogs that bark next door. Recently one took over the fence at me and my dog. Not happy. And I totally do the open the sunroof and turn the heater on. But the vampire thing never occurred to me. Oh dear.
ReplyDeleteJamie - Good to see you again today! I'm afraid that dog that jumped the fence wouldn't have found it's way home if it had been in my yard. Either I or the local dog shelter would have taken care of it one way or another. About a year ago, my daughter's family dog was attacked and killed by three pit bulls. The neighbors all got together and ensured that would never happen again, after the local authorities stated they had no jurisdiction. Funny how things can just disappear at times, but I guess dogs to run off from time to time. :) Now, see, if I hadn't of warned you, a vampire might have swooped down through your open moonroof one night when you were taking a leisurely drive at low speeds. You gotta be aware of these things! lol Many Thanks!
DeleteNow, this is my kind of reading! I love sarcasm and dark humor more than I love artichokes and that, my friend, is saying something! I have a mean little dog living behind me that likes to dig under my fence and yap and snarl and bare its teeth. I patiently keep going over and enduring the smell of years of fried food when the owners' open the door so I can have them come get their demon dog but have reached my limit....can you send me some firecrackers? Ah, the pounding bass stereo system! My favorite! There was a high school kid behind me in the school car line once banging that crap and you know what I did? Called the police and told them there was what looked to be an armed gang banger in the car line at XXX Middle School and I was scared. Wrong? Perhaps. I haven't seen him since. Really great list, I could go on forever but my kids are wanting to carve pumpkins now so I'm off to do just that!
ReplyDeleteSandy - So good to see you here, and especially happy now that you've become a standard around here! I've had many moons to perfect the art of sarcasm, but find that I still smooth off its jagged edges for fear of offending too many of the politically correct crowd that visit from time to time. (Not that I really care, but why shock them to the point of wasting water while washing their underwear?) When I did stand-up, I found that many appreciate dark humor, but didn't want to admit it to their friends. It almost made them seem "too far over the edge." Some would even come up after the show and ask me, "Are you really like that?" Not one to disappoint, I'd respond, "Isn't everybody?" lol I lost my fear of dogs years ago when I learned how to bluff and scare them silly. However, you've got to be convincing in your act. Here's how: 1) Drop down in a defensive basketball position with your arms stretched for out to your sides, 2) start growling from the back of your throat with such ferocity that the saliva starts to run out of the corners of your mouth (the louder the better), and 3) keep your positioning and growling going and charge at the dog full speed! I guarantee, that little dog will go back under the fence so quick that the hole he dug will fill back up with dirt just from the wind he creates! Do it two or three times, and he'll have learned his lesson and leave you alone. I've done it on all types of dogs, including Chows and German Shepherds, and it still works. I will admit, I've never tried it on Dobermans or Pit Bulls, so be careful. I love you calling the cops on that kid. They might have caught him with something illegal, and now he's enjoying a long relationship with a cell mate somewhere! Gives new meaning to the term "gang banger", doesn't it? Many Thanks!
DeleteBack brushes intended for the shower are magical for itchy places that you cannot reach (I don't recommend using them on your private parts, however). And speaking of private parts, and this may be over-sharing, but you started it, I occasionally get one of those intense itches deep inside my boob. But the itch is completely insatiable, because they are totally fake boobs and the nerves were severed in the construction process. So I can scratch the surface, but as it is both completely numb and completely detached nerve-wise from the inner sanctum, there is no relief.
ReplyDeleteI hate Halloween. I make my husband do the candy thing, and it never occurred to me that it might seem a little creepy....
Now I know what to do with the grocery sack filled with Black Cats and bottle rockets that my son had leftover from 4th of July. Hello, barking dog next door....
Dyanne - So good to see you today! I like to think of your boobs being real, and only the implants are fake. (Not that I've ever really thought of your boobs as I'm a really nice guy that doesn't have those type of thoughts ... which means I'm too old and too married to believe there's still life left in my world!) I've talked to amputees who state that a lost limb still itches, even though it's no longer there. Weird the way the brain creates problems for us, isn't it. I'm really not a holiday person. I used to be, but as the family has separated all over the country, and many of my aunts and uncles, and all grandparents have passed on, I tend to just appreciate my alone time more and more. My wife loves to call me Scrooge, which gives me great excuses to be cheap in getting her Christmas gifts. lol Oh, and just be careful that none of the pyrotechnics go into the neighbor's yard. Next thing you know, you'll find yourself in small claims court for littering! :) Many Thanks!
DeleteActually, the implant part is muscle and tissue from my abdomen. So even though they're fake, they're real. Let that wash over you for a minute or two....
DeleteWe have "littered" on the neighbor's yard before, as our sewer line (including the clean-out thingy) connects to the city line via their property. And it upchucked allllll over it one time. Not. Pretty.
Okay, I'm totally freaked at this time. I'd never heard about doing it that way. Sounds like some guys I know whose stomachs have crept upward and given them man boobs. (Sorry, I know that's not the case, but I just couldn't resist the opportunity to make a joke.) I would have loved to have been there! I'd have been screaming, "Take that you little sucker! You like barking and crapping all the time. This is what you get in return!" lol Sometimes God works in strange and mysterious ways! Many Thanks!
DeleteGee...if this is what you can come up with by "winging it" (so to speak)...I'm in AWE!!! :D
ReplyDeleteSpider Solitaire cracked me up! Yes I can relate. Bahaha!
Diane - So very good to meet you! As you are a virgin, oops, first timer here, I have to tell you that I wing every blog post I've ever written. I do as I tell others that can't figure out what to write, "Just sit down and start typing. Sooner or later something worth keeping will appear!" With me, it's usually later, as I've proved many times with my topic selection. lol I was at your blog reading about your "Life with Riley" (How many realize that used to be a television show title?) but didn't comment because it's a real pain to try to do so on an I-Phone. A-ha! Another Spider Solitaire junkie! Love it! Many Thanks!
DeleteLizzi - I'd be the last person to ever accuse you of badgering. It was simply a joke from square one with me. To me, being badgered is nothing. Remember, I've been a husband to only one woman for over 33 years. I've learned how to ignore it with the best of them! lol Keep smiling, my friend!
ReplyDeleteHi Rich!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I got a chance to read your blog post! I am new to the TToT community so I was happy to see everyone who linked up to it that I could get a chance to know! As far as the yappy dog, I'm glad you're not my neighbor. My yappy dog is a shih tzu who gets all the neighborhood dogs to yap! It sounds like the twilight bark from "101 Dalmations!" When I call him in, he sits down and ignores me, not a good idea. I'm going to have to stick a firecracker up his butt to make him move! I am never going to take for granted the ability to be able to scratch an itch thanks to you! I'm definitely a fan of yours now :) Have a great night!
Rachel - Have you ever thought about owning a cat? lol I actually have a cat (Faletame) that will growl when strangers come to the door. I really think that he believes he's a dog. He even plays fetch. I toss a mouse from the living room into the kitchen and he'll chase it and bring it back to me to toss again. The really nice thing is that I don't have to take him out for a walk, or let him out every day. He uses his litter box reliably! And, most importantly, he never barks. Not trying to pawn him off on you, as he'd never leave me, but there are cats like him out there if you look! It would be much better than the hemorrhoid removal plan you have in store for your pet! :) Scratching is one right the politicians cannot take away. Enjoy your right to scratch all the itches you have. Just be careful where you do it at! (There are laws about public displays, unfortunately). Good to have you with me. I'm a little to the outside of the norm, as you can tell. It's a lot of fun there! Many Thanks!
DeleteI love your "I'm Thankful For..." posts, always very funny and a blast to read.
ReplyDeleteMJM - Really good to see you here, my friend. I changed my background for you. Had no idea, even though I'd really visited your "insane" blog many times, that we were using the same. (I really do read them instead of just browse and skim.) My apologies! Thanks so for stopping in!
DeleteWhat don't you just sick Gabriella on the neighbor? Then you can save the fireworks in case Kristen Stewart finds you
ReplyDeleteKerri - My God, woman, where have you been? The last post I got notification from you was the one where you had met one of our blogging buddies and completed one hell of a run! I'm missed you! I like your idea, but Gabriela just told me that she'd slice the little yapper up into little pieces, the cops would come, and take both her and I to jail for murder. Then we'd both have to blog from Hell. (I thought we were already doing that, but she denies it.) I keep my cross around my neck just in case Kriten drops by. I just hope it still has the power it's supposed to have against her. (Being from Hollywood tends to make them ignorant to many facts of life.) lol Really good to see you again! Please, don't be a stranger! Many Thanks!
DeleteIf she doesn't let me know and I'll badger her until she does! :)
ReplyDeleteScratching an itch is one the most satisfying things ever... if desperate, I have opted for the spaghetti 'spoon' from the kitchen drawer or a hair brush does the trick sometimes... not on private parts, I can reach those. (I can't believe I just typed that!!) It's that spot in the middle of your back that is just not humanly possible to reach!
ReplyDeleteYou have a great list... funny stuff.
p.s. I use my turn signal, but did not know about the 3-flash turn signal. That was something new to me
Kari - Really glad you visited again! Don't worry about the private parts comment (I tend to bring out the best in people, lol). I personally have a plastic ruler that I use for that exact spot. I'm not really sure how long the 3 flash turn signal has been out. It seems to be catching on, especially among the elderly. lol Glad you liked this piece. Many Thanks!
Delete