Gabriela Speaks: The Last Goodbye

I'm heartbroken!

(*You can start the video at the bottom 

so it plays while you read if you'd like)

This is the end,

Beautiful friend.

This is the end,

My only friend, the end.

Of elaborate plans, the end,

Of everything that stands, 

the end.

No safety or surprise, the end,

I'll never look into your eyes ... again.

In 1969, Jim Morrison of the Doors sang this tune during one of my early lives.  It was haunting then, and still leaves a defined impression of emptiness and sorrow.

It is exactly what 

I'm feeling inside.

Rich has pulled the plug.  He's beginning to sound like a television executive saying, "When the ratings are low, the showcase must go!"

(sob, sob)  The ratings were low, and so I must go.

No, he's not making me leave the family.  At least, not for the present.  I think he loves me ... but I'm too hurt to see it much right now.  In fact, while chasing my tail the other night, I thought, "If I could swallow this thing, I could eat myself and disappear!"

It didn't work.  I'm still here, suffering deep inside.  Damn!  There's times I really hate being a woman ... even if I am a cat!

I know I got carried away a little in the beginning and touched a sore spot in some of the mommies.  (I think it was the "P.O.P. thing,") I went over that line that Rich says is the difference between crudeness and good taste.  

How the hell was I to know where it was?  He never showed me the road map!

I'm so sad.
I'm so depressed.
My kids are gone.  My blog is gone.
Just let me lay on the cold tile floor and die!
At least until dinner time!

Rich says he's got something else planned for Monday mornings that will bring in more views and followers.  He also says that he might bring me back from time to time as a guest poster.  Rich says a lot of things.  I haven't seen an invitation as of yet for any further chances to talk to my lady friends!  What does that tell you?

Some of you have been so sweet.  And, some of you have even invited me to meet your kitties, or to come live with you.  Believe me, I've been considering the offers!  He's really ticked me off by cancelling my ladder to fame!

And, would you believe that not even me barging into the bathroom and badgering him 

every morning has changed his mind!

But, let me say this.  I know Rich really loves me deep down.  Seriously, even though he's being a pain in the butt about this whole thing, he cares about me.  He feeds me regularly, pets me whenever I wish, brushes my fur at least once a week, and talks to me like no one ever has before.  He even stops his typing at times to pet me when I climb up on the arm of the love seat and lie down.  I've never had anyone stop doing anything to give me love and attention before!

He's just really being an ass about this!

It's no good, Faletame!
I'm depressed ... it's a woman thing.
You just wouldn't understand.  

So, anyway, I'm being given a chance to tell each of you how much I've appreciated you coming to my Monday morning blog sessions.  I know each of you so well now, I almost feel like you'd run to the store and buy me some Little Friskies if I asked you!  I'm so touched.   Oh no, I'm almost starting to cry again!

To all my friends, I hope you'll pester Rich in the future so we can once again be together.  Remember, I'm going to miss all of you, but will forever hold each of you and your families in my heart  (which Rich says doesn't exist most of the time).  Oh oh, here come the tears.  I've got to go!

Luv Y'all! Take Care!

It hurts to set you free,

But you'll never follow me.

The end of laughter and soft lies,

The end of nights we tried to die.

This is the end.

  

Give this a listen for a real mood swing.

The Doors

"The End"

Guilty As Charged!

I've been a bad boy!

For the few of you that emailed me and asked if I was "okay" this week, I answer you now,  "Yes, I've been very busy, but I am doing fine."

In the kingdom of Blogdom, one might even say, "I've been a bad boy!"

Yes, I'm guilty!  I admit it!  I took a week off!  

I only assisted Gabriela last Sunday to get her Monday post out (which, by the way, will probably be her last), and I took a week to concentrate on business (real life stuff).  

I didn't write and I didn't read.  I'm a terrible person and will be damned forever because of this.

Actually, I can think of many more reasons why that might happen besides this one, but it sounds good here, "So what the hell?"

There are times in a person's life that they need to step back and observe.  Not just the world around them, but the internal and external world they're forcing themselves to reside within.  

You may ask, "OMG, is Rich starting to get into a deep conversation or just spouting superfluous crap?" 

I know what you'd expect from me.  But, what if I did get serious and philosophical?  Would it shock you?  

If it did occur, would all the bloggers in Blogdom find themselves in lost in a lost world without toilet tissue in time of need?   Or, would this just become another blog that is read by some, scanned by others, and ignored by many?

Probably just ignored by many.

Still, shouldn't we ask ourselves, "Is what I'm blogging relevant to anything, or is it just putting words down on the screen to fill an obligation to those that have chosen to follow?"  

Does it really matter?

However, if irrelevant, does the reader recognize the El Toro defecation it's meant to be, or, are they lingering on every world, analyzing and envisioning this creature of the absurd to be real?

I know ... you’re beginning to consider to scan by now.

Is this blog one of an imaginary intellectual being that has created an imaginary world through dictionary and Thesaurus search and selection?  

And, how many synonyms to "bullshit" actually do exist?

Why do we write?   Is entertainment, instructional, or drama the culprit that sends us down the stairwell of words into the guise of one who determines the life and death of their own  creation?  In other words, if we make a decision to begin something, isn’t it also allowable to change one’s mind in mid-stream and go another direction?  Or, would that be to much of a shock for the reader, whose expectations rely on common routes of travel?

"Let's see ... go up six blocks, take a right at the bakery, go another four blocks ..."

When does the character start or stop being reality?  Does the role we accept in Blogdom affect us in our daily lives?  Is there an obligation to always look at life in a certain manner in order to come up with the next installment?  When does Harry Potter stop becoming Harry Potter?  Must we perform in the nude to shed the image?  

For most of us, let's hope not.  

I, too, have a mirror!

But, if the role does affect us in our daily activities, are we losing out on observing what is really happening by limiting our field of vision?  When do we acknowledge we have blinders on? And, when does the need to shed them in order for deeper growth to continue take place?  Or, are we seeing the world as it truly is, unlike others that run through life so self absorbed that they fail to notice the ironies and false facades of those that govern, pretend to care, and pick their noses in private at those that offer support?

Of course, picking one's nose is justifiable in private, but not in public, 

or in a moving vehicle, regardless of how invisible you really think you are.  

So is burping, releasing gas, and peeing in the shower, 

as long as you don't tell people about it.  

So, I have supplied your head with questions that only you can answer.  Take your time.  It isn’t something that has to be done immediately.  In fact, if I were you, I would first ask myself, “Do any of these really apply to me?”  

If so, then you must decide on a course of action to lead you to the answer your heart desires to uncover.

If they don’t apply, then, don’t bother with them.  Just sit back, relax, and admit to yourself that this was sincerely one hell of a way to get your mind off the fact that I haven’t blogged or visited blogs in a week.  

My apologies.  

Guilty as charged.

Would it help if I said, “I’m sorry?”

Oh well, I tried.

Gabriela Speaks: Mommies and the Supernatural, Hollywood Style

Okay, no rap or song today!  

Time to get serious.

Rich is giving me one last chance to be good and guest blog.  So, I decided to pick out a serious topic this week, and really blog about something I'm very familiar with.  The supernatural.

This is a scary topic, especially for mothers ... and their kids!

Most of you have read about some of my past supernatural experiences.  If not, you can visit the links here to Hubpages.com for my first two stories:

Halloween Tales From A Demon Cat

Halloween Tales From A Demon Cat, Part 2

or, visit these pages of this page of this blog site for the last three stories Rich wrote for me, before I learned how to type:

Gabriela: The Demon Cat Series

I hope that none of you actively believe in ghosts.  Also, I hope that none of you ever become believers because of things you find yourself, or your family, experiencing.   But, just in case you do, I'm going to give you some of the ways that Hollywood has dealt with them.

So, put the kids to bed, turn the lights down low, and get ready to learn how different human mommies take care of the kids when the ghosts and spirits come around.

Good Mommies  

(or, "How I Would Hope I'd Be Most Like")

(1973)  The Exorcist.  
OMG!  Talk about a love for your child being put to the test!  Just imagine, you're a single mom, raising your daughter the best you can.  All of a sudden, she starts acting strangely.  Now, I'm not talking like she tried pot for the first time strange.  I'm talking her head rotating around 360 degrees, her appearance changes to that of a 40 year old crack addict, and her voice speaks in tones of a sick Scooby Doo.  Not only that, but she levitates!  

Mom takes it on the chin, literally.  After dealing with all the weirdness, including watching her daughter crawl down the stairs on all fours (in the extended video version) she calls in some help.   Anyway, she gives it all she's got.  She'll do anything for her demon possessed daughter, including cleaning her daughter's fresh urine up from a carpet in front of a house full of guests, as well as bringing in Catholic priests.  (I wonder if she'd have done it if she'd have had a son instead?) 

(1980)  The Shining.  
Just think about this.  You're husband gets a great new job.  He's going to be a caretaker at one of the most fancy hotels during a beautiful Winter season.  You and your son are going to have the run of the place, and you don't even have to dust!  Sit back, cook a few meals, watch some TV, and enjoy the peace and quiet.  Sounds like a dream doesn't it?  Especially if they have Wi-Fi!

Wake up!  The hotel is a Pandora's Box of spirits!  There's two little girls that were killed by their father (a past caretaker), a woman that changes from a beauty to a skin rotting old hag, and many others.  And, Shelley Duvall finds her husband, Jack Nicholson, gradually possessed by the hotel's spirits.  

I'm not going to spoil the movie (just in case you're the only person in the world that hasn't seen it), but let's say that Shelley does everything she can to protect her son.  This lady knows how to swing a mean baseball bat, slice and dice with a carving knife, and jump out of a window to do everything she can to protect her child.   This is a true display of a mother's love in the most desperate of circumstances.  (Moral of the story: Hotels are for afternoon visits and vacations ... keep the kids at home in both cases!)

Bad Mommies  

(or, "Would Someone Just Shoot Me")

(1976)  Carrie.  
I've yet to read a mommy blog that makes me think we've got any mommies like this around, but just in case, you might want to re-think your current lifestyle patterns.

In this situation, the daughter has a very special talent.  No, she's not a star center for her high school basketball team.  She has this ability of telekinesis, which wouldn't be bad if she wasn't so brain damaged.

See, in this case, the mother is a little screwy.  Well, maybe a lot screwy!  She has a hard time getting a grasp on reality because she was messed over by a man years ago, and left holding the bag, or the pregnancy as it seems.  So, she's forced her daughter into this lifestyle of religious fervor.  Her constant negativity towards men, biblical references, and inability to communicate with society bleeds to her daughter, Carrie (Sissy Spacek).  

Probably, setting a good example as a mother is one of the best things to do for your child.  Unfortunately, in this case, when you don't do that, and, when the child is picked on endlessly at school as a result, your time may be somewhat limited.  I won't spoil the ending for you, but let's just say that it was one of the bloodiest high school proms of all time.  So, instead, be a good mom ... and you might be around to enjoy your grandchildren!

(1982)  Poltergeist.  
So, you move into a house where a graveyard used to be located, only to find that the bodies haven't been removed.  Then, furniture in the house starts to re-arrange itself.  Normally, this might tell the densest of mothers that something's not quite right.  However, JoBeth Williams is not the brightest of mothers.

Let me ask you, if you set your daughter on the floor, and she was pulled across the room by an unseen force, wouldn't you be somewhat alarmed?  Of course your would!  But, it takes a whole lot more to get this mommy worried.  

I will give it to her, she does travel into another dimension to try to save her daughter, but, please, she never should have put her in a position of being there in the first place!  Then two more sequels followed!  (Where's Child Services when you need them?)

(1984)  A Nightmare On Elm Street.  
As a mother, some of the hardest decisions come from deciding when to keep secrets, and deciding on when the kids might be old enough to handle them.  Unfortunately, this movie doesn't demonstrate the best of that decision making process.

See, the parents formed a lynch mob and killed a child murderer before.  Now, the kids are paying for it ... one at a time with their lives as the supernatural side of the murderer returns.  And, as if that's not bad enough, they deny it almost to the end!  Denial problems run rampant on Elm Street.

There are times, keeping a secret can go just a little too far.   (Wait till you try to lie about that battery powered back muscle relaxer in the bedroom nite stand to see what I mean).

************************************************

So, you've seen the good and bad examples of how a mommy might handle the supernatural should it enter their life.  Girls, I will tell you that, from personal experience, the supernatural world is not one to play with by amateurs.  Nor, is it one to scoff.

You humans look at the world and see how crazy you are at times.  The evil inside of many humans seems to almost overcome the evil that is not commonplace, yet, still lurking and waiting.

Be it a haunting by a loved one, or a vengeful spirit, a haunting is still a haunting.  We animals see many things you humans do not.  Ask yourself, "Have I ever witnessed my pet staring at the ceiling at something I couldn't see?"   Many of you already know the answer and have seen it happen many times.  

Girls, be careful, maintain your spiritual beliefs, and protect your children.  A mother's love is a very powerful force, but, if you need professional assistance, don't be afraid to ask for it.  Remember, doing nothing for fear of embarrassment is much worse than solving a problem.  The ones you love need you and your strength.  The monster in the closet, ghost under the bed, or smiling clown in the rocking chair may not be as fake as you'd like to believe.  Just ask the folks from Amityville.  

And for God's sake, put those 

damn Ouija Boards in the trash!

Take Care!

FTSF: Superman, Super Sperm & Advice

Faster than a

 speeding bullet,

more powerful than a locomotive,

able to reap Google views in a single post,

look, up in the blogs,

it's a word, it's insane, 

it's

Finish The Sentence Friday!

Did you ever wonder about Superman?  

Here's a being from a different planet, that had no known fetishes (such as the anal probes of today's aliens).  He didn't drink, do drugs, smoke cigarettes, make love, or do any of the things that make humans human.  Yet, here was a person respected by all except his criminal enemies.

I'd say, "He should have been a priest", but he didn't mess around with little boys, either!

This is a man, pursued by just about every woman on the planet, yet he never messed around with one of them.  

Or, did he?

With his ability of super speed, could Superman have been the mysterious midnight marauder?  The one that caused women to wonder why they awoke in the middle of the night feeling as though the sensual dream they'd just experienced was so real?  

He had the ability to fly, so there' would be no body weight to awaken a sleeping victim.  

And, with his ability to time travel, could he have produced the concept of immaculate conception?

Perhaps, the Superman of comic fame had the last laugh on society.  Sitting high on a cloud, smoking a cigarette, and using his x-ray vision to check out the prospects of the land, he could select his next "Hello/Goodbye", one tenth of a second relationship!  

Superman, the sinister sadist supposing sinning soothed society's searing souls, 

single-handedly superimposing sexual sensations seemingly 

seamlessly and senselessly!

Perhaps, his own joke on the world was the big "S" on his chest, as he internally laughed knowing it stood for "Super Sperm!"  Little white, swimming creatures with a "S" on their chests, pounding through the barriers of a woman's natural defenses against unwanted pregnancies, with more power than a locomotive!  Able to breech all human body protections in a single stroke of their little tail!  Until the egg was reached, they'd form a giant "S" and push forward with powers not known to mortal man!  Then, when their goal was in sight, they'd lie in wait for the most fertile of monthly times before completing their purpose!

Naw, probably never happened.  

Or, did it?

Anyway, this is Finish The Sentence Friday!   

One again, dearly beloved, we have gathered to worship the ground upon which each other does trod.  We are here to finish the sentence provided by our Gods of Sentence Finishing listed with the rules  below:

This week, the task masters (or, task mistresses ... boy, does that sound wrong) have decided that This Week's Prompt will be:

”Speaking from experience, I’m going to give you a little advice on…”

(Makes you wish for a drum roll, doesn't it)

... Giving Advice!

Giving advice can be looked at as either a positive act, or a negative act.  When one gives it, they are feeling as though they are doing a very positive thing.  When one receives it, it is generally taken as a negative thing.  

Positive Outlook  (Giving):

1. I'm only trying to help.
2. I've been there, you haven't.  Believe me!
3. I'm your parent.  When you have kids, then you can tell them.
4. What's it going to take to get you to understand we love you?
5. I don't want you to have to experience what I had to, or, I'd prefer you learn through my mistakes instead of your own.
6. It's the best thing for you.
7. Time is not on your side.
8. Confucius say, ".......
9. If we were perfect, we'd always know just what to do.

Negative Outlook  (Receiving):

1. Mind your own business!
2. You're always meddling in my affairs.
3. Let me live my own life.
4. Times have changed and you don't know how it is now.
5. Why won't you quit badgering me?
6. I need to make my own mistakes and live my own successes.
7. I know what's best for me, you don't
8. I can always try other things later if I choose.
9. Get off my case.
10. If you knew as much as you thought you did, why are you still so screwed up?
11. You're not perfect, either!  Shut up!

Here's some rules I've followed in my life:

• Kids, generally, don't need advice.  They need direction.  If they knew the right thing to do, they wouldn't need you as a parent.  Letting them "choose their own direction" is an excuse for "I'd have to take time to help them and I don't want to miss Honey Boo Boo."  They may ask you for suggestions, but, in essence, they're asking you for direction.  "What college should I attend" is not a request for advice.  They are asking you for a viable way to figure out where they should go.  Show them how to gauge the quality of education in their desired course of study, view graduation rates, consider costs, and check out Playboy's annual rankings for "Party" schools.  Again, show them the way and the advice will not be needed.  (Just remember to provide aspirins, fake I.D.'s, and bail money.)
• Parents and In-Laws provide advice to young marrieds without consideration, treating those that receive it as still being 10 years old.  If you're asked for advice, give it as if those receiving it are your age, instead of younger.  You'll find it much more appreciated if you do.  (Remember, they're going to get your stuff when you die.  Make them want to keep it instead of planning on how to sell it on Pawn Stars!)
• When friends ask friends for advice, they're really just asking the friend for support in what they've already decided.  Unless they're really off base, support them.  You might even give them a book on what they've chosen.  If they're really off base, show support, but bring out the negatives that may occur.  Always reinforce that you'll be there for them whatever they decide.  (Then, go home and tell your spouse how stupid your friends are over a glass of wine.)
• Never give your employers advice.  (If they take it and it screws things up for them, you'll be looking for employment very quickly elsewhere!)
• Before you give advice, make sure you're living it.  Don't be a hypocrite!  (We have enough elected politicians for that!)

Of course, you could write a blog about giving advice to really screw things up.  Then, everyone will think you're a self proclaimed "Know It All" that is so damn egotistical that you believe everyone else is wrong, and you're the only one that's right!  They'll then stop visiting your blogs, sharing your posts, and talk badly about you in IM's.  

Before you do, 

let me give you some good advice .....

Gabriela Speaks: Girls Night Out

I'm red faced embarrassed
over last week's blog!

"I'm Embarrassed!"

Last week, not a lot of you commented on my post, and some of the comments were really almost words of sympathy.  My face is red as I feel like I blew it big time.

So Does Rich!

In fact, Rich was totally ticked off at me.  I have to admit, it is his blog, and he has a reputation to protect (as bad as it may be, lol).  He was so mad, he told me I couldn't guest post anymore.  

I was crushed and will admit, I shed some tears in expressing my feelings towards his incommunicado attitude.  Heartbroken, I felt as though I'd let down all my fans!  

Yes, I broke down and cried and cried!  When the big softy saw my matted fur around my eyes, he finally relented and decided to give me one more chance.

"Oh, great God of pussycats, please don't let me mess this one up!"

So now, the pressure's on me.  I've got to stay PG rated (which dahrlings, is a real task for me) and still pull in the readers.  He must think I'm Garfield!  I'm actually finding a few white hairs in my beautiful black fur from all the stress.  (Janine, I think it's time for that hair color we talked about a couple of weeks ago!)

So, let's get started.  It may be my final walk down the pirate's plank, but at least I'll go down with my paws patting the keyboard!

First thing I want to bring up is this advertisement I just saw.  Look at this one here to the right!

OMG, when did Obama go bald?????

He looks like Whoppee without 
the dreadlocks and glasses!!!

MIchelle, girl, 

why didn't you buy some Rogaine for your man! 

You can afford it, girl!  Sell one of those dyed, burlap bag dresses you been wearin' to hide your big tail and get your man a prescription to bring back his hair!  

And, iffin' he shaved his head tryin' to look all cool, you tell him he ain't no ugly man tryin' anything to look good, like Steve Harvey (Since he shaved his hair off, all he needs is a derby hat and he'd look like that old, big headed Mr. Potatohead, lol). 

Obama needs to make himself look good again by growin' it back out!  I didn't vote for no bald headed, chrome domed President!  Put your hair back on, boy!  This mama's needin' to fantasize about those hot nights with the Prez in the Oval Office, again!

Okay, enough of that.  Any more, and I'm gonna get myself in trouble with Rich ... again!

Last week, Ruchira asked me ta talk this week about GNO.  Now, I searched all week long to study the topic, but honey, there ain't a lot on the web about Gross Nose Obesity.  I guess we could pull up a picture a picture of Steve Harvey and stare at his nozola for a while, but y'all would start feelin' nauseated quick.

I added it anyway! lol
Steve Harvey
Licensed under the 
Creative Commons 
Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic

Then, Rich tells me that GNO means "Girls Night Out", not "Gross Nose Obesity."  (Like I'm supposed to know that on my own.)  

So, Ruchira, let's talk about it!


.......................................................

I'm waitin' girl!  Start talkin'!


......................................................

Girls, let me get all your
money so Geraldo and I
can enjoy our evening!

Oh well, Ruchira, iffin' you ain't gonna say anything, Rich's wife, Millie (And you think Gabriela is a weird name!  Can't you hear her mom when she was young, "Mildred, where are you Mildred?"  lololol), has told me about all the good times she had when Rich was out on the road doing comedy.  (And he thought she stayed home with the kids!)  So, I guess I'll discuss some of the things she's told me.

First off, she says her and her girlfriends used to go watch these Chippendale guys dance and strip on stage.  I say, "Girl, what's the big deal about goin' and watchin' men dance, when you know they're going home with men when they're done?"

Give me a real hetero man!  I like me a Tom cat that's lookin' at me and sayin', "Hey girl, you got the bootie I'm after", instead of, "Yeah, yours is okay, but Geraldo's booty is much tighter!"

Ooops!  Sorry!  Gotta be careful.  

Almost went PG-13 there!

Girls, I want a Tom that looks good, and likes knowin' I'm lookin' at him as much as he's lookin' at me.  But you humans, well, y'all are different.  Where cats don't mind "cattin' around" and checkin' out the different dudes, you humans stick with only one mate ... most of the time!  How stale that must get!

Who the Hell Are You!
I asked for Max!

With that being the case, I guess you feel safe in knowin' the dancers aren't lookin' for anything when they get done doing their dancing.  You can sit there, stuff their jock straps full of dollar bills, get drunk, make jokes about the hubby and kids, cry a little, and finally decide who can afford a lawyer before figuring out who the designated driver is going to be.  

Boring!  Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

You might as well stay at home and watch 

Dancing With the Stars!  

"Go Max ... Go Max!!!"

I remember how it used to be before the "Mommy" phase of life happened!

I'd go out, strolling the block.  I'd be whippin' my tail from side to side, makin' sure all the Tom's had a good view.  Then, I'd check out all the different Tom's on the block, and go to the next to do the same.  

I'd be drivin' them crazy!

This mama had the motion to move the notion of the ocean!

Then, when I found a Tom worthy of my attention (not one of those damn alley cats that didn't care about you), I'd fluff up my tail real big ... real big!   

Honey, that Tom's eyes would bulge out and he'd be sniffing the air to find out if I was just lookin', or ready to get to cookin'!   That's when the chase would begin!

After that ... well, after that a girl's gotta keep some secrets to keep her reputation in tact.  

We all had those wild days once.  Now, we sit around let ourselves be tamed, taking life easy and eating Little Friskies ... or whatever.  (I can't believe y'all don't like Little Friskies!  You really ought to give them a try sometime.)

So, who's driving home?

And "Girls Night Out", well, it's something we do just to get away and remind us that we're not dead inside.  We look at safe men because we know we don't trust ourselves to look at normal ones.  There's still some feelings inside that we have to watch and control.  The need to be free.  The need to experience more of life.  The need to show that we're not just tame house cats with no yearnings or desires.  

In other words, the need to "cat around" 
... just a little!

Yet, we look to our friends to keep us from going that extra mile that will get us in trouble.  The act that would jeopardize losing all we have, including those we love the most.  Those friends with whom we share our hearts and trust to help us keep from doing something stupid.  

With these friends we share our "Girls Night Out."  We can keep each other safe, have our fun, and then go home where we hug our families, and feel the warmth of the security and love they offer.

Unless you're a cat.  Then, you just gotta party!!! 

Yeehaw!!!

Take care, y'all!

"Liebster Award" ... or, "How To Ruin A Friendship"

"That's Life ... Sometimes" has been awarded another blogging award!  

The Liebster Award!

I don't really know what it's all about, but I'll take it.  I'm not proud.  

There seems to be a few of these different awards floating around "bloggerland."  They float around aimlessly, silently waiting to drift down on some poor, overworked soul that is in need of an ego boost.

Watch out!  There goes another one!

Usually, they arrive with a glaring notification or what they're about.  The last two I've received haven't.  I think I'm in award leftover land.  Something to pass on so it doesn't spoil and you have to toss it out (or feed it to the cats).  

"Here Faletame and Gabriela ... din din time!  Got something really good tonight!"

"Hey Rich, if you wouldn't eat that stuff, why would you expect us to?  

Just shut up and pull out the Little Friskies!"

Anyone out there that would like a couple of cats?

Getting back to this magnificent award, I was handcuffed, er, awarded this by

 Jennifer at JenJen's Soapbox of Paradies.

(So Now You know who to blame!)

Jennifer is my clone.  She also tends to be very sarcastic witty in her writing while tending to bring smiles to the faces of the readers.  (No, damnit!  She doesn't pose nude!  You do have a dirty mind, don't you!) She's quickly becoming my sister from another mother (unless she's had an operation to make her my brother from another mother).  

"Just take the steroids and try to sound like a growling rabbit, Jennifer.  

The doctor promises it won't take much longer."

If you have yet to visit her blog you need to get your tail over there as soon as you finish this one.  I sincerely believe you'll enjoy yourself there, especially if you take along a hula hoop to give you something to do!

God, this is going to be a long blog, today!

Anyway, there are rules to accepting this award.  (Who would've guessed, duh?)  I'm going to copy and paste them here because I truly am a lazy SOB at times.

• List 11 random facts about yourself.
• Answer the questions the tagger has set for you, then create 11 new questions for the bloggers you pass the award to.
• Choose 11 new bloggers (who have less than 200 followers) to pass the award to and link them in your post.
• Go back to their page and tell them about the award.
• No tag backs!!

I really don't know if I'm familiar with 11 new bloggers with less than 200 followers.  I didn't know this was going to be a research paper.  Damn, I never should have taken those three Hydrocodon pills to watch the Beyonce special tonight on HBO!  (Boy, was that a disappointment!  I thought it was going to be a concert and it was a documentary.  What a waste of good medication!)

In addition, I've got to come up with 11 random facts about me, answer 11 questions, and then come up with the 11 bloggers to award the Leibster!  (Holding your breath hoping that I don't choose you, aren't you?)  I think this award is all about endurance and creativity.  Of course, they should have known better than to ask me to come up with questions (muhahahahaha).

So, as if you were in the least bit interested, here are my 11 random facts that the Queen of Torture kind Jennifer asked me to provide:

1. I am an avid college basketball fan, especially for my college Indiana University.  Fair weather fan I'm not, as I have the last five years of televised games recorded on DVD so I can watch them in the off season.  Even during their "bad" years, I watched every game and recorded them.  Now that they're currently #1 in the nation, it makes it all worthwhile.  I guess addict might describe it better.
2. I believe this life is punishment for an earlier one, in which I was a pretty nasty character.  I can hit a tin can with a pistol 8 out of 10 times if I shoot at it from the hip, and felt a kinship with the desert of Arizona when I visited it, so gunslinger comes to mind.  Probably not on the side of the Earps, for sure.
3. At one time, thought I'd end up being a criminal psychologist.  Then, it hit me that mind science practices are based on theory and minimal studies.  Visited a maximum security prison once and was ready to leave the second they shut the entrance bars behind me.  (Hmmm, I wonder if the Earps put me in jail at one time?)
4. While doing stand-up comedy, I learned why most celebrity marriages fail.  Temptations are everywhere!  (That's as far as I'm going with that one.)
5. I love to poke fun, but I draw the line at being mean.  Sometimes the line is very, very gray, but I still try to stay on this side of it.  Never will I make fun of a blogger's work (in public) or characters, as they are a part of that writer.  I want to make people smile and be happy, not frown and be pissed off.  
6. I'm one of the world's best procrastinators, especially when it's something I don't want to do.  I've needed to pursue learning SEO and all that crap that brings in readers for ages.  Terrye Toombs, a better friend than I deserve, has been on my case about it as she's attempted to help me so many times it's ridiculous.  I think I procrastinate in this arena because I just want to write what comes to mind, and that doesn't usually include Google, SEO's, or any marketing stuff.  I told her a week or so ago I was going to get busy on it.  Maybe tomorrow ....
7. My only fear (besides outliving my wife) is being attacked while asleep.  I usually sleep extremely deep since I only do it for three to four hours a night.  There's something about waking up to someone trying to do harm to me that bugs me.  I guess because I haven't figured out how to overcome that fear, yet.
8. If I had to be a monster, I would choose to be a vampire.  I love the night and really could care less about the day.  Plus, the mind control, speed factors, and eternal life parts are kind of tempting.  Two problems though:  1) I couldn't drink my Diet Cokes, to which I'm hopelessly addicted (What would I brush my teeth with then?), and 2) I'm Italian and love a lot of garlic in my food!  (Sorry if my breath offends you ... not!)
9. When I first started in radio, it was at a campus station at Indiana University.  We picked our own music there, and tried to be somewhat different than what commercial radio was playing.  My first night alone, I played James Taylor's live version of "Steamroller" that included the word "motherfu__in'", and Maxine Seller's "Another Train Song" that went, "...and I walked up to this woman and I said, honey, I fu__ed your man!"   Whatta way to start a career!
10. I am an avid James Bond movie fan.  So much so, I even read the more descriptive books when they came out in the 60's.  (No, not just for the hot parts!)
11. I've actually had thoughts of how I could help out so many blogger friends if I were win the Powerball Jackpot.  There's some that cash would aid, others that a website that really promoted them properly would assist, and some that just need a fresh start with life.  I'm old, and would, of course, supply my family first, but one can never forget his friends, especially those that put up with an ass such as myself!  Plus, I might get one or two to read my blogs!

Okay, that's it!  Eleven facts completed.  Now, for the eleven questions I've been asked:

1. How many children do you have?  None that will claim me.
2. What is your favorite pastime?  Answering questions.  Can't you tell?
3. If you could win a vacation to any destination of your choice, where would you go?   Someplace where I wouldn't have to answer eleven questions.
4. Have you ever been to jail? If so, what for?  Never charged with anything illegal.  Shows you how smart I was for many years, lol.   (Although I was brought in for questioning concerning threats to those who asked me questions, once.)
5. What is your biggest fear?  Answering Questions (Besides, I already answered this above
6. What state do you live in?   A state of constantly answering questions.
7. If you could be president for the day, what would you change in our government?  All members of Congress would be limited to two terms in office with no continuing lifetime benefits.  No question!
8. What is your best success?  Remaining civil while answering questions.
9. If you could live life over again, what would you do differently?  Never answer questions.
10. What is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?  Being asked to answer questions in public.
11. Do you have any pets? If so, what kind and how many?  My pets have me instead. I'm harmless, housebroken, and I never hump anyone's leg.  

Now, only one more thing to do.  Award this Leibster Award to 11 others so that they can bare their souls and type their fingers to the bone.  Remember, I'm not the guilty party here.  Why do you all think I gave you the link to Jennifer's blog?   (muhahahahaha!)

Here's my list:

1. Michael at "The Insane Asylum"
2. Sherry at "Pondered Primed Perfected"
3. Tamra at "Misadventures of Flori and Tam"
4. Melissa at "Daughter of Maat"
5. Gina at "The Life I Live ... So You Don't Have To"
6. Vikki at "Laugh Lines"
7. Danielle at "Martinis and Minivans"
8. Chris at "I Work Off The Clock"
9. Rachel at "Rambling Amazon"
10. Clark at "The Wakefield Doctrine"
11. Gene at "The Musings Of A Wise Witch, Yet Foolish Man"

So now it's up to you folks.  Carry on this advantageous award and fulfill your destiny (or possibly gain some more followers), or lie in hiding and await the fate of the undead.  

Here are your questions:

1. If Rosanne Barr married Tom Cruise, what would they name their puppy?
2. What television program displays the least amount of intelligence week after week?
3. If you had a house with all four sides facing South, and looked out the window, what color of bear would you see?
4. If you had your life to live over, what one thing would you do differently?
5. Did you ever want to be a fireman?
6. What did Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix and Jim Morrison have in common with Bill Clinton?
7. If the horse knew the way to carry the sleigh, why did he pull it?
8. If you had a boat that could only go one direction, where would you end up at?
9. If Al Capone had been Hispanic, would Al Pacino still have been chosen for the movie Scarface?
10. What is your favorite 4 hour erection commercial?
11. If you only had one wish, what would it be?  (*World Peace answer is void unless you're a beauty contestant.)

That's it!

As this college term paper is now over, so is my time discussing the Liebster.  No tag backs means I'm out of the running from this point on!  My cat Gabriela needs the computer to write her Monday blog, so have fun!